Things are changing.
This is but another small part in my story as an adult survivor of child abuse.
I’m going to jump right in and say that as a child I compartmentalized to survive. My mind took charge and was very careful about what thoughts were allowed to linger. For sure there were never any questions asked. Never any attempts to figure out the why. As an adult this practice continued for decades. The doors securely locked in the vault of my mind. In recent years things have changed and my mind has opened to the possibility of seeing and examining the truth. A very freeing experience, I’m finding.
Many moments of realization and insight are beginning to add up to something that feels huge and life changing.
Recently, I started reading a book that suggests that: the best way to figure out what your future should look like, you need to go back and write your story. The author makes the case that most of us have never looked beyond basic facts to see the heart of who we are and what makes us who we are. He suggests that if we ever did look back in this way we would begin to make different choices for our future. And we would be happier for it. I think he’s right.
I’m beginning to look at my life in this way and there have been some startling revelations.Today, I am thinking about how to write about it, as he suggested. I think it will take the size of a book to fit it all in.
This morning I’ve been basking in gratefulness for the latest clear moment of insight. It’s covers a part of my life I’ve never written about, and now that I see what a treasure it truly is – it needs to be fully explored.
If I could pick a song that expresses the current new stage of my life, this song would be it.
“I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day …”
“… I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared…”
The song of my heart these days.