abuse

The Myth of Normal April 21, 2023

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I’m always on the lookout for useful help on my journey toward emotional wellness, no small thing given my traumatic childhood.

Awareness is one of the best tools in this quest and my ears are always open and tuned in to anything that will answer the many questions rising to the surface of my mind.

Today I watched an in-depth interview with a successful doctor with his own lived experience. What he has to say speaks to where I am at this moment. I will be watching again, this time taking notes to help this become part of who I am. Dr Gabor Maté has also written a new book, the reason for the interview, and I’m planning to read it too. For years I’ve been walking the awareness path he lays out and at this point in the road I expect this book will take me even further in the right direction.

I’m sharing both the book and the podcast. I want to be able to find this material again but I also hope that sharing it will be helpful to my readers on their own journey. Our physical struggles are rooted in the emotional. By experience I know this to be true. The question forever before me is: what is behind this new set of ailments? Usually it is some new piece of old brokenness that has shaken loose and risen to the surface.

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Gabor Maté’s internationally bestselling books have changed the way we look at addiction and have been integral in shifting the conversations around ADHD, stress, disease, embodied trauma, and parenting. Now, in this revolutionary book, he eloquently dissects how in Western countries that pride themselves on their health care systems, chronic illness and general ill health are on the rise. So what is really “normal” when it comes to health?
    For all our expertise and technological sophistication, Western medicine often fails to treat the whole person, ignoring how today’s culture stresses the body, burdens the immune system, and undermines emotional balance. In The Myth of Normal, co-written with his son Daniel, Maté brings his perspective to the great untangling of common myths about what makes us sick, connects the dots between the maladies of individuals and the declining soundness of society, and offers a compassionate guide for health and healing. The result is Maté’s most ambitious and urgent book yet.

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Here is the podcast.

Continuing PTSD conversation

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Things are changing.

This is but another small part in my story as an adult survivor of child abuse.

I’m going to jump right in and say that as a child I compartmentalized to survive. My mind took charge and was very careful about what thoughts were allowed to linger. For sure there were never any questions asked. Never any attempts to figure out the why. As an adult this practice continued for decades. The doors securely locked in the vault of my mind. In recent years things have changed and my mind has opened to the possibility of seeing and examining the truth. A very freeing experience, I’m finding.

Many moments of realization and insight are beginning to add up to something that feels huge and life changing.

Recently, I started reading a book that suggests that: the best way to figure out what your future should look like, you need to go back and write your story. The author makes the case that most of us have never looked beyond basic facts to see the heart of who we are and what makes us who we are. He suggests that if we ever did look back in this way we would begin to make different choices for our future. And we would be happier for it. I think he’s right.

I’m beginning to look at my life in this way and there have been some startling revelations.Today, I am thinking about how to write about it, as he suggested. I think it will take the size of a book to fit it all in.

This morning I’ve been basking in gratefulness for the latest clear moment of insight. It’s covers a part of my life I’ve never written about, and now that I see what a treasure it truly is – it needs to be fully explored.

If I could pick a song that expresses the current new stage of my life, this song would be it.

“I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day …”

“… I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared…”

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The song of my heart these days.

Bargain books and PTSD, January 30, 2023

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We have books. Hopefully more than one. After today’s search.

BookBub has the first good suggestion. We’ve read earlier books in this series so this is a welcome addition to our expanding library.

A Home in Cranberry Cove (Cranberry Cove Series Book 4)

Madison Mitchell will never trust a man again. The love of her life broke her heart and married a French chef. Now she throws herself into her work at The Inn at Cranberry Cove. When she accidentally tangles with the manager of a nearby fishing supply store, she suspects the handsome guy is hiding something.

Micah Collins flees Sacramento seeking solace in the seaside village in Washington state. But he discovers an enemy has followed him to Cranberry Cove. He must endure frightful threats at the same time keeping his previous life secret. When Madison finds herself in danger, Micah blames himself.

Madison and Micah are haunted by someone from Micah’s past, but is the culprit the real enemy or should they look elsewhere? Will they find a future together?

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Next, an interesting book showed up in the suggestion strip. A total change in time period.

A Mosaic of Wings (Dreams of India)

It’s 1885, and all Nora Shipley wants, now that she’s graduating from Cornell University as valedictorian of the entomology program, is to follow in her late father’s footsteps by getting her master’s degree and taking over the scientific journal he started. The only way to uphold her father’s legacy is to win a scholarship, so she joins a research expedition in Kodaikanal, India, to prove herself in the field.

India isn’t what she expects, though, and neither is the rival classmate who accompanies her, Owen Epps. As her preconceptions of India–and of Owen–fall away, she finds both far more captivating than she expected. Forced by the expedition leader to stay at camp and illustrate exotic butterflies the men of the team find without her, Nora befriends Sita, a young Indian girl who has been dedicated to a goddess against her will.

In this spellbinding new land, Nora is soon faced with impossible choices–between saving Sita and saving her career, and between what she’s always thought she wanted and the man she’s come to love.

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1531 Entertainment has a suggestion that I want to be next up on my reading list. I’m hooked from the beginning.

Dangerous Beauty: A Novel 

Liliana Vela hates the term victim. She’s not a victim, she’s a fighter. Stubborn and strong with a quiet elegance, she’s determined to take back her life after escaping the clutches of human traffickers in her poor Mexican village. But she can’t stay safely over the border in America–unless the man who aided in her rescue is serious about his unconventional proposal to marry her.

Meric Toledan was just stopping at a service station for a bottle of water. Assessing the situation, he steps in to rescue Liliana from traffickers. If he can keep his secrets at bay, his wealth and position afford him many resources to help her. But the mysterious buyer who funded her capture will not sit idly by while his prize is stolen from him.

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It has turned out to be a very good book day and I’m one happy book lover, I have to say.

I may even be tempted to speed quickly through the current read to get to this new book just a little sooner.

Temperatures have dropped and the sun is shining brilliantly. It hard not to look up on a day like today. The sunshine provides a good blow to the winter doldrums, cabin fever, and all that.

Have a great reading day. I certainly plan to.

I’m still here, thinking on this last book and why it appeals to me so much.

I’m guessing the short answer could be that a strong, abused and vulnerable woman has been rescued by a resourceful, compassionate, but deeply angry man. Rescued being the operative word.

Probably because of any word that could be applied to my life, rescued is the very first word on the thankful list. To be honest, I haven’t really considered the idea in much depth, until now, thinking about this new book. But it’s true. When ever the subject of my early life comes up, the very first thought always is, where would my brothers and I have been if we were not rescued as pre-teens.

I do think of my life in depth at times, when it seems appropriate. Much healing has come from being willing to face the terror of my past.

The other day I was thinking about how far I’ve come in this journey. I’m not that little girl any more.

And yet the healing is incomplete, the damage runs deep and there is residue that will go with me to the grave.

I’m grateful for the rescue, I’m grateful for the major healing gained over many decades. I still don’t lead the life of a normal woman but close enough.

Besides, what is normal anyway?

Detransitioning is a thing January 09, 2023

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Detranistioners are speaking out. Their stories are horrific.

One young woman has accepted a number of interview invitations and it’s heart breaking listening to the way things have turned out for her.

One of the best interviews I’ve heard so far is with Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist. Not only is he able to ask intelligent and respectful questions to draw out her story but he is able to provide relevant information and explanations for questions coming to mind for both the young woman and the audience.

There is so much more I can think to say but hearing the interview would be a better way to go.

One other interview that I would rate in second place for the interviews I’ve heard so far is with Glenn Beck. His interview was also compassionate and thoughtful. He is not a doctor, that’s why Jordan Peterson has the advantage.

Heart breaking, is all I can say.

There are others in the same position but Chloe is the one I’ve watched so far.

I was talking to my daughter about this whole subject the other day, in relation to my grandson’s high school. She tells me the subject is prevalent in our schools already. And like everywhere else neither parents nor the conflicted young people are not being given the full picture about the real risks and consequences of the drugs and radical surgeries.

The saddest thing for me was when Chloe said that if she had known the risks involved with this treatment, she would never have said yes to what the health professionals wanted to do for her.

She was twelve when she first started down this path.

Now, still a teenager, Chloe wants to tell her story to save others from what her life has become.

It sounds like handling these treatments as an adult is less traumatic but not necessarily by much.

My own observation was that the consequence discussion was graphic, very personal, and unexpectedly surprising. I would never have dreamed what would rise up to be a problem for her.

I hope many of you will watch this and pass it on to spare others who may be in the position of making a decision without benefit of knowing the real risks.

A PTSD conversation December 19, 2022

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The conversation in my head tonight is the aftermath of a telephone call with an old friend this afternoon We have been through deep waters together and now we were updating each other on our current lives.

Both of us lived through relationships with sex addicts. Our main experiences were different. Mine was originally from childhood, her’s all from adulthood. The men were out of control, we had that in common.

I’ve spent the evening attempting to find access to books I’ve found helpful over the years and they seem to have disappeared.

One book was the personal story of someone living with a man addicted to pornography. His addiction was a secret but as it grew larger in his life that all changed. It was helpful to hear her findings about the start, the source, and the pathway to deep destructive patterns in a relationship.

That’s where our conversation was today. How does it start? Why does it start? From sources I’ve found, it can start at a very early age if material is available. The reason it will take hold is to fill an emotional need. Loneliness for one. It acts as a pain reliever and it is highly addictive to the unsuspecting.

One book I found helpful in the beginning of my search for help understanding seems to be out of print and I’m sad. I wanted to send the link for this book to my friend.

I can find a link on Amazon for the paperback which is unavailable and it appears a Kindle edition hasn’t been created.

I have other books that address this addiction too but I wanted this one. Oh well, I’ve started reading it again to refresh my memory maybe I can share useful bites with her.

Laurie Hall’s story reveals pornography’s subversive side and offers comfort, encouragement, insight, and a plan of action to women whose husbands are addicted.

There is so much more to think and say but we’ll leave it there for tonight

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On a different note . . .

There were no good book suggestions today. Maybe tomorrow.

Bargain books November 28, 2022

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We have more exciting book suggestions today. Actually, a few were from yesterday but my email is wonky somehow and several did not show up in a timely manner. Better late than never though. Especially since they do have something we want.

BookRunes has the good suggestion for us this time. With an author is new to us. I’m loving her engaging writing style as I read through the sample. The last new author had a story line centered around big gang activity, it sounds like today’s story is in the same vein. Definitely a new twist compared to what we are used to seeing.

Withered Rose

What happens when a Christian woman and a mafia boss fall in love? Their passion breeds chaos.

Rosa and Amory have no business getting involved with one another but they also have no choice. Rosa is Amory’s captive bride, kidnapped and forced to marry him as payment for her brother’s debt. All she wants is to live a life free of crime and violence but now she’s shackled to the most dangerous man in New York City. Only God can help her now.

Meanwhile, Amory is looking forward to having a beautiful young bride. But Amory is a mafia underboss and Rosa is a Christian woman. Her faith is standing right between them, and he hates that. The sting of her refusal to marry him runs deep. But something in Amory feels drawn to Rosa, despite their differences.
Maybe she is the calm to his storm, maybe he is the chaos she secretly craves. Whatever the case, they’re in it together.

*****DISCLAIMER/WARNING*****

Withered Rose is a Christian story. There is no foul language and no graphic scenes of sex, violence, or gore. However, our characters are members of the mafia which may present an environment some readers consider triggering. Topics such as gang violence, abuse, and distribution of illegal substances will be introduced throughout the book.

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Searching for this book there were others by this author. One of them was also a bargain and looked interesting so I think we will go for it too. It is in the same series but set many years later and is a stand alone story. It will be safe to read it without reading the rest of the series first.

Fractured Diamond: A Christian Romantic Suspense Novel (Withered Rose) 

Christian Romantic Suspense
Standalone Novel

After a vicious attack leaves Brianna Gem paranoid, she decides to hire private security. Little does she know, the man she hires is none other than Bobby Ackard, her high school sweetheart.

It’s been six years since Bobby dumped Brianna—now he’ll be following her around everywhere she goes. Protecting her.

Neither Brianna nor Bobby are kids anymore, but Bobby’s still got those piercing blue eyes and that dangerous smile. Absolutely nothing about him has changed but everything is different about Bri—and how could it not be? The last time Brianna saw her ex, they were madly in love. Then she found herself suddenly abandoned and drowning in rumors about her boyfriend. He was at the center of a police investigation before he dumped her and vanished six years ago. Now he’s back, but with his arrival comes a new load of drama and mystery.

Is it possible that Bobby isn’t the man Brianna thought he was? Could he be tied to the dangerous gangs of New York? Did he have something to do with the attack that led to their reunion?

Maybe Bobby’s untimely return is just a chance encounter. It might even be a gift from God so they can finally clear the air. Brianna has been targeted more than once. Her life could very well be in danger and Bobby could be her saving grace. But as Brianna gets to know him again and begins to peel back the layers covering the secret of his disappearance six years ago, she starts to wonder if their connection is a coincidence or a curse.

Fractured Diamond is a standalone novel that takes place ten years after the Withered Rose trilogy. While some characters from its prequel series do make an appearance throughout the novel, the storyline is unrelated and can be enjoyed without reading Withered Rose.

***WARNING***
Due to gang-related activity, this book is recommended for adult readers

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There were other emails with suggestions but nothing showed up that could compare to the books we have already. Mostly same old same old.

I’ve read and enjoyed two books we downloaded the other day, with similar stories, and now I’m looking forward to the two new ones.

I’m also looking forward to book three in the first series to see how it all ends. Book 2 ended with a big cliff hanger.

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One thing that stood out starkly for me in the series was this: things that look exciting and pleasurable have an unexpected dark side.

There was a brothel connected to the gang’s very large drug operation. The women were beautiful. The men were distracted with unquenchable lust. They “loved” the same woman but weren’t necessarily aware of the truth of the situation. The unexpected dark side was jealousy, murder, and betrayal. They thought they had it all but there were no winners in this game.

A vivid portrayal of real life I’m thinking.

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Tough stuff but a good read none the less

Happy Reading y’all

PTSD Conversation. November 21, 2022

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Our body remembers and keeps track. This is a recently acquired piece of information that explains a whole lot of things for me.

Memory suppression is a coping mechanism our minds will use to help us survive life. That has been the truth of my formative years. I have to be intentional about allowing snippets of information to settle in my mind long enough to consider what they might mean. Doing this has been an enlightening experience and explained may things, but it didn’t start happening until I was willing to allow my mind to dwell on the visiting thoughts.

For many decades I refused to entertain the idea of abuse precisely because I had no concrete memories. I suspected but wouldn’t make an accusation I couldn’t prove. A decade or so ago my brother forced me to admit it was true. He used persuasive force so it was all good. I think he remembers more than he was willing to admit. His assertion came out of nowhere although I think he must have been thinking about it for quite some time. It was like he was on a mission to finally talk about it and now was the time.

So back to the body remembering thought. . . It’s kind of funny when I think about it because I have been on a quest for emotional healing for many decades. That would be proof of the body remembers where my mind doesn’t. Subconsciously I knew I had a deep need for healing in my life and over the years I’ve been driven to pursue it relentlessly. The motivation was I want to be well.

It’s something how books, conversations, lectures, stories, all sorts of things, cross my path just when I need them.

Like I said the body remembers concept showed up in the last year or so and it was so helpful. I had been paying attention before but now I was more intentional. Besides noticing physical responses, fight or flight, I started thinking more deeply about the reasons and implications of those reactions. I’ve known forever than I don’t have normal reactions or even interpretations to words or situations, but I want to.

The latest idea for me to explore builds on the last one. Your body remembers and is convinced that danger still exists and raises the alarm to protect you. That’s why we are triggered by anything remotely resembling past dangerous situations. I have many triggers and have yet to figure out what is behind most of them. There are so many because the worst of the abuse stretched over a decade and on top of that there were multiple people involved as well as multiple types of abuse. Both emotional and physical. Then there is the complication that the emotional abuse continued on much longer than a decade.

The idea today was that, to get past these reactions we have to face our triggers/fears, convince our internal memory that all is well and the danger is past. And mostly it is, that’s true.

For a while I have been thinking about changing thought patterns by laying down new memories over the old. Creating new neural pathways. I’ve been thinking about facing and figuring out what caused the triggers in order to understand the why of the triggers, by knowing what happened to me. Understanding what is behind the triggers helps us chase away the proverbial bogey man hiding under the bed or in the closet.

I can see now that finding a way to convince my body that the danger is past and I’m safe, is badly needed.

Easier said than done. But worth a try.

Today’s moment of revelation came in the form of a podcast. It was a valuable conversation between professionals, a clinical psychologist and a popular guest with several degrees in the mental health field. These two come at the conversation from different perspectives and it has given me food for thought that will be around for some time to come.

One more much needed building block on the journey.

Here is the link. They had so much more to say that is worth hearing.

https://youtu.be/B_373YVlnDA

Among many others they talked about answering the question – What do you want? a serious question that most of us cannot articulate. Possibly because no one has ever asked us that question. At least not in a serious, really wanting to know, kind of way. It’s usually more like – what do You want? That’s the first thought that popped into my head as I wrote the first question. Sad. Probably heard that version a lot as a kid.

I have to say they covered a lot of ground in the hour long podcast.

Anyway, their enlightening conversation was definitely worth the time.

Until next time

Hope this makes sense, didn’t leave enough time for needed rewrites.

Free book November 06, 2022

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Sunday is a slow day for book suggestions but we do have one that could be interesting. The authors are new to me and they are still new to having books published it seems, the selection is still small. One thing they do have in their favorite is their impressive involvement in the publishing industry. Editing is in their resume and I know they will be making sure their books are well taken care of in that department. I wish I could say the same thing about my current read where the editing is hit and miss and leaves much to be desired. At least the story is well thought out.

So back to BookRunes free suggestion. This is a published series with three books and we have the first one.

Picture Imperfect (Roseville Romances Book 1) 

Can a struggling career woman and a procrastinating artist save a beloved nonprofit?Aspiring novelist Caroline Penn expected a promotion, not a picture book assignment. But when her employer, the non-profit Helping Hope, runs into financial trouble, this book might be the solution. With the company struggling to stay afloat, she and the illustrator will need to collaborate on a strict deadline—no problem for a workaholic like Caroline, right?

Andy Jackson, a “starving” artist, pays the bills by taking on graphic design gigs, but his perfectionism gets in the way. If only he could focus on a project for once, perhaps he could achieve his dream to make art for children for a living.

When the two are thrust together to create a book, Caroline can’t seem to write for children, and Andy can’t meet a deadline to save his life. As time ticks down to release day, the two must face their pasts and insecurities. If they can avoid strangling one another for long enough, they may just bring to the table what the other is missing.

If not, the fate of their careers—and a beloved nonprofit—hangs in the balance.

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That’s all there is for now but I will keep my eyes open just in case.

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I have two current reads. . . half way through each of them. I’m enjoying the stories but I’m not sure what happened here.

The problem with the first one is sloppy editing. Much of the book, so far, is well edited, it’s the sections with no discernible editing that are derailing the reader’s connection to the story. Could it be that the polished version was not the one published? Certainly seems possible.

The second story is a good read, as usual for this author, but there are some triggering sections that have me taking a break.

I will finish them both in time, never fear.

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It’s a cloudy day with cool temperatures, a perfect day to curl up with a warm drink. a good book, and a cozy blanket

Happy Reading y’all

Free book October 28, 2022

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This is interesting. BookRunes brought us this suggestion.This is the first time we’ve crossed paths with this author and her story description is unique. Checking out the warnings at the bottom this blurb, this book does not sound anything like our usual reads in a number of ways. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes a story like this helps us see the real world and the horror that victims are forced to live through. Some of us may find this triggering. That was not mentioned in the warning but maybe it should be. Read carefully.

The Woof Pack

BOOK ONE in The Woof Pack Trilogy
A Christian Romantic Suspense Series

It’s just a regular evening when Iyana’s neighbors ask her to babysit their dog. Everything seems fine until two masked men enter the apartment without an invitation.
At first, Iyana thinks they’ve come to steal the dog—she’d heard of a string of break-ins in the community by a group called The Woof Pack. But when these thugs overpower her and drag her away, she realizes they’re not pup-loving enthusiasts at all.

A case of mistaken identity gets Iyana taken in by one of the deadliest gangs in New York. Now, she has seen their faces and has learned their names; even though they know they’ve got the wrong girl, they aren’t going to let her go.
Fortunately, Iyana is a smart woman. She strikes a deal with the leader of the gang … they’ll let her live as long as she makes herself useful. But Iyana is just a naive Christian girl babysitting an innocent pup. What can she offer the most dangerous man in the city?

She knows exactly what he wants. She can tell from the way he looks at her, the way his eyes linger when she catches him staring. But she’s not willing to give him that. Anything but that.
The Woof Pack have taken her hostage; they’ve taken her mind, body, and her will. But she won’t let them have her heart.

If only Vito Gerardo were that easy to resist.

***WARNING***
This book is a work of Christian fiction: there is no foul language, and no graphic scenes of violence, sex, or gore. Due to content involving gang activity and hostage situations, this series is recommended for mature audiences ages 17+

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1531 Entertainment has a bargain suggestion.

One Little Lie (The Pelican Harbor Series Book 1) 

It started with one little lie. But Jane Hardy will do everything in her power to uncover the truth in this gripping romantic suspense.

Jane Hardy is appointed interim sheriff in Pelican Harbor, Alabama, after her father retires, but there’s no time for an adjustment period. When her father is arrested for theft and then implicated in a recent murder, Jane quickly realizes someone is attempting to destroy the only family she has.

After escaping with her father from a cult fifteen years ago, Jane has searched relentlessly for her mother—who refused to leave—ever since. Could someone from that horrible past have found them?

Reid Dixon is well-known for his documentaries, and his latest project involves covering Jane’s career. Jane has little interest in the attention, but the committee who appointed her loves the idea of the publicity.

Jane finds herself depending on Reid’s calm manner as he follows her around filming, and they begin working together to clear her father. But Reid has his own secrets from the past, and the gulf between them may be impossible to cross—especially once her father’s lie catches up with him.

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Two complex stories, how awesome is that?

Happy Reading y’all

Free book and current read July 05, 2022

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BookRunes has a FREE suggestion for us, this will be our second exposure to this author. The beginning looks interesting. Interesting is good.

Back in the day women doctors were not well accepted and while graduating at the top of the class it wasn’t enough for our heroine to be given the hospital position she dreamed of. Deeply disappointed, she is on her way home trying to figure out what comes next.

With attitudes like they are it promises to be an interesting ride.

The Way to Healing: The Waymaker series Book 1

After their first meeting, Edith “Edie” Carmichael would have been content to never lay eyes on Lucas Brown again.

She thinks he’s no more than the grumpy owner of Pine Creek’s lumber company, and he thinks she’s a know-it-all lady doctor intent on putting folks in their place.

The two must quickly form a truce when suspicious accidents and theft at the sawmill threaten both his livelihood and the lives of his men, but can Lucas ever learn to trust a woman after a lifetime of being abandoned by them? Can Edie be content running the clinic in the hometown she thinks she’s outgrown, or will her dreams prove more powerful than her growing feelings? And when the world around them goes up in flames, will Edie and Lucas make it out alive?

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That’s it for today.

I’ll share my current read. This one fell through the cracks, it joined my library in 2012 but this is my first time reading it. It is a dark but timely subject, presented with hope. I think I placed it on the back burner worried about triggers. It is turning out to be handled in a truthful and careful way which is much appreciated.

Saving Hope (The Men of the Texas Rangers Book 1) 

When a teenager goes missing from the Beacon of Hope School, Texas Ranger Wyatt Sheridan and school director Kate Winslow are forced into a dangerous struggle against a human trafficking organization. But the battle brings dire consequences as Wyatt’s daughter is terrorized and Kate is kidnapped.

Now it’s personal, and Wyatt finds both his faith and investigative skills challenged as he fights to discover the mastermind behind the ring before evil destroys everyone he loves.

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It has been a warm one today. A good day to read and cool down a bit.

Happy Reading y’all