hope

Continuing PTSD conversation

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Things are changing.

This is but another small part in my story as an adult survivor of child abuse.

I’m going to jump right in and say that as a child I compartmentalized to survive. My mind took charge and was very careful about what thoughts were allowed to linger. For sure there were never any questions asked. Never any attempts to figure out the why. As an adult this practice continued for decades. The doors securely locked in the vault of my mind. In recent years things have changed and my mind has opened to the possibility of seeing and examining the truth. A very freeing experience, I’m finding.

Many moments of realization and insight are beginning to add up to something that feels huge and life changing.

Recently, I started reading a book that suggests that: the best way to figure out what your future should look like, you need to go back and write your story. The author makes the case that most of us have never looked beyond basic facts to see the heart of who we are and what makes us who we are. He suggests that if we ever did look back in this way we would begin to make different choices for our future. And we would be happier for it. I think he’s right.

I’m beginning to look at my life in this way and there have been some startling revelations.Today, I am thinking about how to write about it, as he suggested. I think it will take the size of a book to fit it all in.

This morning I’ve been basking in gratefulness for the latest clear moment of insight. It’s covers a part of my life I’ve never written about, and now that I see what a treasure it truly is – it needs to be fully explored.

If I could pick a song that expresses the current new stage of my life, this song would be it.

“I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day …”

“… I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared…”

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The song of my heart these days.

Bargain books November 16, 2022

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Distressed. That’s what I’m feeling at the moment. It was unexpected and disappointing. Disappointing because I was hoping for new sites to follow, replacing the old, slowly disappearing sites. What I found this time, and have before too, reading tastes among a number of book bloggers tend to fall on the dark side. I’m guessing you know what I’m talking about. Given that bent, today’s browsing experience was triggering for me.

Often I can handle honesty about the murderous things we do to one another. Maybe it’s point of view that makes the difference. Usually the stories I read are from law enforcement’s side of things. The titles in a reading list this morning were from the perpetrator’s perspective and that’s a whole new ballgame. It felt like pure evil and I couldn’t handle it. I’m guessing triggers from early childhood trauma are behind the issue.

I’m sad. I had high hopes for a new blogger friend or three to follow.

My luck hasn’t been all that great finding new friends, probably because I spend more time looking for books than I do looking for friends. A fatal flaw. Not. I love my books and the few friends I do still have.

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So, back to the book search. . .

1531 Entertainment has a bargain suggestion for us. It’s Book 2 in a series. We read Book 1 a year ago and I see it is still Free.

Dead Broke: A Cozy Mystery

Why would someone kill Nathan King?

The peace of a perfect November afternoon is shattered when Agatha hears the frantic bleating of goats across the river from her B&B. Agatha kayaks over with retired detective Tony and two guests–Bishop Henry and his wife Emma. They find the goats huddled together in a terrified group and Nathan lying face up beneath the Live Oak trees, lifeless eyes staring at the Texas sky.

Then one of Agatha’s guests goes missing. She delves into Joey’s past and learns he was Dead Broke, so what was he doing vacationing at her B&B? And why was he pretending to be Amish when in fact his permanent address was Dallas, Texas? Most importantly, did Joey have anything to do with Nathan’s death? Agatha and Tony are at a dead end before the investigation has properly begun, but this time they receive help from unexpected places.

Bishop Henry has a gift, and he’s no longer afraid to use it, even if doing so may put them all in danger as they work together to catch a killer.

Dead Broke is a story about family secrets, rare gifts, and the joy of unexpected friendships.

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Another bargain book from 1531 Entertainment looks like it could be interesting.

All I Want for Christmas by Rebekah Pace

LOSING EVERYTHING MAY JUST BE THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL.

James sells toys. He’s a workaholic and he’s made a very good living, even if his wife and four children don’t appreciate it. Truth is, his marriage is falling apart and he barely recognizes his kids.

So when James’s youngest daughter, 7-year-old Reba, asks God for a Christmas miracle to “fix” her family, something most unexpected happens—unexpected and horrible. The Christmas tree catches fire and the house burns down, taking with it all of their possessions.

One bad thing leads to another as rock bottom gives way to new lows and the family is sent spiraling down a dark and unfamiliar path. Reba wonders if God decided to give her the very opposite of what she prayed for.

Finally, separated and destitute, James and the family are left with absolutely nothing—nothing but a brand-new understanding of what’s actually important in life.

Now James must rekindle his faith, learn what’s truly important to him, and find a way to win his family back. If he can pull it off, there may just be that Christmas miracle waiting for him.


“Likable, charismatic characters…compelling and emotionally impactful…modern-day Job’s tale.” – Screencraft

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I’ve been digging myself into a deep hole just thinking about this post. For sure I won’t be reading the last book on this list.

I’m off to look through my TBR list for something light-hearted and funny.

Happy Reading y’all.

Bargain books October 21, 2022

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It’s Friday and the sun is shining. It’s looking like we may have books too. This first suggestion by BookBub is with an author we’ve seen several times. I’ve looked through my lists and her name is not there so I’m guessing I didn’t have a strong opinion one way or the other. There are five books in the collection and I’m struggling for reading time but still, with that many books it’s a good chance to form an opinion.

I like having opinions because it narrows down the mind boggling choices, for one thing, and it protects us from unsatisfactory reads, for another. Boring is the worst. Well thought out, well written books are the best.

So, back to the collection.

Finding Love Medical Romance Boxed Set: Five Sweet medical Romance

Whispers of Love
Two people determined not to fall in love, but love has other plans.Can Ty get over his past to fight for the wonderful future standing right in front of him as he learns to trust God? Will Jordyn let go of her fear and risk her heart for a chance at true love?

A Chance For Love
He’s a Prince. She’s a foster kid turned nanny. They’re world apart. When the nanny challenges his parenting skills, he is determined to do better. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan. But can a prince and a street girl beat the odds?

Destined To Love
It was just a kiss on a dare. But their lives were altered forever. When he finds out he’ll be working with the only girl who’d ever believe in him, he sees his chance to apologize for humiliating her. Righting the wrongs proves more difficult than he imagined and now he doesn’t want just her forgiveness, he wants her heart.

Home For Love
She’s a widow who has loved and lost. He’s just been jilted. Neither of them have love in their plan… As situation forces them together, Jared finds it hard to step away from the woman and her two sweet kids who have captured his heart. Alison knows the longer she depends on Jared, the harder it will be to leave. If only she didn’t have to leave.

A Second Shot At Love
Two people unlikely to fall in love. When circumstances beyond their control push them together, Stormie and Jordan fight the growing attraction for each other. Can they possibly be given a second shot at love?

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This next one has a definite bent toward talking about God, just sayin’. They are fiction stories though so there is that. I’m sharing this collection for those of you who would find it appealing. There is something encouraging to be found in these stories, especially if we are facing hard times ourselves.

A Whisper of Peace: A Mosaic Christmas Anthology IV 

Jesus came into this world silently, bringing the gift of peace to a hurting world. In the midst of the crazy, messy lives of the people in these stories, will they be able to hear His whisper of peace over the clamoring of their hearts this Christmas season?

A Mosaic Christmas Anthology IV

★★★

“Christmas at the Crossroads” by Eleanor Bertin

Myra and Sue are best friends. One is raised in a strict, religious home, the other permissively indulged. Which one will influence the other? When the teens are caught breaking the law near Christmas, the consequences force them to a crossroads with unexpected results.

“The Magic of Christmas” by Lorna Seilstad

Occupational therapist Shayna Winters will do anything to create some magic for her pediatric patients this Christmas. But when an accident on the gridiron lands Dante Gallo’s nephew in her care, she has to find a way to make her former boyfriend see that peace is more than an illusion.

“A Single Spark of Light” by Sara Davison

God had abandoned him a long time ago. And Ty didn’t blame him one bit.

Tyrone Jones will never forgive himself for the people he hurt in the past. And he has no reason to believe that God will ever forgive him either. Until he meets a stranger on a bridge one night a couple of weeks before Christmas.

A stranger who sends Ty on a quest that just might change his life—and his heart—forever.

“Reclaiming Tomorrow” by Angela D. Meyer

An old threat resurfaces, forcing Josie to face her greatest fear.

Josie Ferris is making strides to build a new life when an old threat resurfaces. Will Josie trust her new friend Daniel enough to let him teach her how to defend herself so that she can stand up to the man determined to destroy her future?

“Whispered Miracle” by Stacy Monson

Casey Younghans has bounced around foster care most of her life. About to age out and unprepared to be on her own, she faces an uncertain future alone. Being sent to Outlook Adventure Camp for Christmas is just one more place she won’t be welcome. Then she meets Lula, the tiny dog with understanding eyes, and the camp staff who seem to accept her, attitude and all. Could she actually find a way to fit into the world just the way she is? It would be a miracle.

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Ten books, that counts as a good day.

Now, off to work since the sun is finally off the office computer. That’s the trouble with the change of seasons. The sun is lower in the sky and can full on peek in all of the windows enough to be a nuisance.

There is another one of those annoying words. peak and peek

Happy Reading y’all

This and that September 11, 2022

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I guess it was by design that my current read is about survivors and family members left behind after 9/11. By design of the publishers, that is. That’s OK, I do enjoy the author and the book. It is book two in the series and I’m pretty sure I read book one somewhere along the line, way back when. These books came out in 2004 so they are not new releases.

For sure this remembrance is uppermost in everyone’s mind but the loss of Queen Elizabeth is showing up often in my news feed too. And politics, that’s another big subject. I admit to having conservative leanings and so I’m happy they finally elected a new leader. It will go along way toward being ready if our Prime Minister were to call a surprise election. Hopefully. Enough of that conversation.

Spending all this time watching the news online has had a detrimental effect on my thinking process. Mainly because I don’t want to talk about any of the subjects mentioned above. I need to spend more time thinking on subjects I can talk about but I have to make room for that to happen..

The biggest hindrance to quiet meditation is that I’ve become addicted to the noise and find myself forever searching for one more video to watch. Even though I’ve heard most of the content over and over again.

Both my writing and my reading have suffered lately because of this fixation. Must make some changes and get back to normal.

I did go for a nice walk in the sunshine this afternoon and it definitely interrupted the unhealthy routine. Walking is something I rarely do. The city has added more pretty walking paths, a big surprise to me, and now there are even more options. The thought did keep running through my mind that this was pleasant and I should do it more often. Maybe I will. No promises but maybe.

So my current enjoyable read…

Beyond Tuesday Morning: Sequel to the Bestselling One Tuesday Morning (9/11 series Book 2) 

The hope-filled sequel to the bestselling One Tuesday Morning. In this new novel by Karen Kingsbury, three years have passed since the terrorist attacks on New York City. Jamie Bryan, widow of a firefighter who lost his life on that terrible day, has found meaning in her season of loss by volunteering at St. Paul’s, the memorial chapel across the street from where the Twin Towers once stood. Here she meets a daily stream of people touched by the tragedy, including two men with whom she feels a connection.

One is a firefighter also changed by the attacks, the other a police officer from Los Angeles. But as Jamie gets to know the police officer, she is stunned to find out that he is the brother of Eric Michaels, the man with the uncanny resemblance to Jamie’s husband, the man who lived with her for three months after September 11.

Eric is the man she has vowed never to see again. Certain she could not share even a friendship with his brother, Jamie shuts out the police officer and delves deeper into her work at St. Paul’s. Now it will take the persistence of a tenacious man, the questions from her curious young daughter, and the words from her dead husband’s journal to move Jamie beyond one Tuesday morning.

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I’m 1/4 of the way through and anxious to see what will happen next. This book is still a bargain if you are tempted.

Happy Reading!

Bargain books August 08, 2022

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We have books!

1531 Entertainment has two new suggestions for us.

Perennials 

Years ago, Lovey chose to leave her family and the South far behind. But now that she’s returned, she’s realizing things at home were not always what they seemed.

Eva Sutherland—known to all as Lovey—grew up safe and secure in Oxford, Mississippi, surrounded by a rich literary history and her mother’s stunning flower gardens. But a shed fire, and the injuries it caused, changed everything. Her older sister, Bitsy, blamed Lovey for the irreparable damage. Bitsy became the homecoming queen and the perfect Southern belle who could do no wrong. All the while, Lovey served as the family scapegoat, always bearing the brunt when Bitsy threw blame her way.

At eighteen, suffocating in her sister’s shadow, Lovey turned down a marriage proposal and fled to Arizona. Free from Bitsy’s vicious lies, she became a successful advertising executive and a weekend yoga instructor, carving a satisfying life for herself. But at forty-five, Lovey is feeling more alone than ever and questioning the choices that led her here.

When her father calls insisting she come home three weeks early for her parents’ 50th anniversary, Lovey is at her wits’ end. She’s about to close the biggest contract of her career, and there’s a lot on the line. But despite the risks, her father’s words, “Family First,” draw her back to the red-dirt roads of Mississippi.

Lovey is quickly engrossed in a secret project—a memory garden her father has planned as an anniversary surprise. But the landscaper who’s also working on it is none other than Fisher, the first boy she ever loved. As she helps create this sacred space, Lovey begins to rediscover her roots, the power of second chances, and how to live perennially in spite of life’s many trials and tragedies.

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Dial I for Identity: Sweet Contemporary Christian Romance Novella (You Are on the Air, Book 12) 

♥ She’s got one chance to find herself and start a new life—with a little help from her radio psychologist. ♥
Quinn Kelly. Intelligent, responsible, hard-working, reliable. She’s also spontaneous and whimsical—when she lets herself be. Certain those two sides of herself cannot peaceably coexist, she takes a serendipitous windfall and a bit of risky advice from some old movies and decides to spend a couple of months at a chalet resort in Lake Vienna—as a pair of twins. (Hint: she doesn’t have a twin). Surely she can sort her issues in a couple of months… right?

Seth Clifton has his own issues—trust issues to be precise. But the girl he keeps running into offers a refreshing perspective on life. Right up to the moment he discovers she’s not who and what she seems.

They both have problems to overcome. They both have the same therapist, sort of. They could each be great for the other with a little work and a lot of help from Dr. Daphne Moore. What’ll it take for the radio doc to resolve their differences and heal hearts?

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LPC Free Books has a non fiction suggestion that looks like it could be helpful.

Anchored: Leading Through the Storms

2019 Selah Award winner Anchored encourages ministry leaders to lead with integrity in the midst of difficult life storms. 

Sharing personal examples, ministry leader and pastor’s wife Cynthia Cavanaugh equips believers with the biblical and leadership principles necessary to maintain influence and to courageously remain anchored to the Rock—Jesus Christ. So when those difficult life storms come to those in ministry leadership, and they will, you’ll know how to deal with that deep question: how can I lead in the midst of this storm and keep my witness intact?

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There were a few suggestions we’ve seen before, I’ll share them in another post just in case you are interested.

Another good book day.

Happy Reading!

Current read June 25, 2022, finished – 26th

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I’ve figured some things out. Charles Martin is one of my top five favorite authors. There is such depth to his stories. They are real, emotional, and complex. Pretty much like real life. It’s impossible to walk away unchanged after reading one of his books. But…

Despite loving his characters and the life they live there were often uncomfortable moments in the reading that puzzled me. I figured it was something about his style, or the fact that he is a male and I’m not. Everyone knows men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We hear the same words while receiving different messages.

Charles would craft intricately detailed descriptions and explanations that left me confused. Frustrating.

Today an enlightening new thought occurred to me. With further consideration I’ve decided maybe his writing style is not the problem. Maybe it’s my reading style. I’ve gotten used to reading books at 60 miles an hour (figuratively speaking) without missing anything important. Sometimes even skipping whole paragraphs, pages, or even chapters without losing much of the story.

That’s the problem. Speed without much effort. Many of his paragraphs need to have a slow-to-20 sign posted at the entrance.

As I continued through the book I had to admit there was still truth in other contributing issues like male/female thought patterns and lack of subject knowledge on things like places (Florida Everglades) and technical discussions (machines and fishing flies.) Still, the bulk of my confusion would probably be eliminated with slow down.

Sadly, It’s finished.

There is always a sense of loss when such a great story comes to an end.

It has been a few years since I first read this book and it was a shock to discover how little I remembered of the story.

It probably seemed to me like I should remember more because the title has appeared often through the years and since it was marked as read…

The upside of not remembering is the chance for the joy of a first time experience all over again.

I have to say it brightened my weekend.

If you’ve not read Charles Martin, you should. It is always an amazing experience.

I should have posted this on the 25th but I was reading, not paying attention to time, midnight came and went before I noticed. Since it was already the 26th I figured I may as well finish the book first, I was hoping for a good quote to demonstrate my confusion point. There was a perfect one early on but I had read past it, losing sight of it’s location. I was hoping to come across another good one but I guess the new awareness worked against that happening.

Anyway, on to a new story. Haven’t decided what that should be yet. It’ll be a surprise.

More this and that May 06, 2022

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It’s hard to know which is worse.

Watching the news, any and every news, sounds like a good idea so as not to be caught unaware. After awhile, though, this activity seems toxic and downright depressing.

Unbelievable too. Did he really just say that? Is he aware how his attitude is not helping his public image? Maybe he’s not worried about future re-elections.

It’s often said don’t believe what they say, watch what they do. When I first heard this piece of wisdom it was in relation to abusive men who would say all manner of things to get what they wanted, all the while not meaning any of it. Paying attention to what they do, to steer clear of manipulators, is sound advice.

It takes a lot of practice to go by actions rather than words, though. These people are highly gifted at sounding believable, especially if they put a lot of emotion in it. It’s very easy to believe they are for real. That’s why video footage, especially the unedited kind, exposes the truth. There are lots of undeniable eye opening caught on tape moments that leave us with our jaws dropping on the floor. Some of them are scenes that we can never unsee.

On one hand the state of our countries, Canada and the US, is highly depressing but on the other hand, some bleak looking situations are beginning to change. For awhile it appeared that the corporate and political world was jumping on the new ideas band wagon which did not bode well for many of us.

I think most of us have forgotten how loudly the bottom line speaks into their world. Many of their recent changes and positions were not in the best interest of average shoppers and when we began to change our spending habits they sat up and took notice.

Making changes in who we work for, where we shop, and a multitude of other areas, will surprise us with unexpected positive side effects. We may even find we are happier than we’ve ever been.

It’s hard to believe any of this will change bullies’ behavior but hey, you just never know. Maybe one day they will wake up and discover people’s opinion of them matters a great deal. Especially if they are running for office or working to become richer.

Oh, right, the question which is worse?

The political situation in Canada or the US.

So far, from what I can see listening to facts and opinions, Canada is winning. Not something to feel the least bit happy about.

Free books May 02, 2022

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LPC Free books has two suggestions for us, both read and enjoyed several years ago. Stories with substance.

All The Way Home – Ann Tatlock

“Tatlock’s rich descriptions and characterizations are unusually fresh and inventive.”~Publishers Weekly

From a rough section of Los Angeles during the late Depression years, to the civil rights struggles of the 1960s in the South, this novel is a searing portrayal of one family trapped by alcoholism and another living the typical middle class life. A true American story told through the eyes of two girls, best friends, separated by the internment camps of World War II.

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Somewhere a Rainbow (Finding Love in the Low Country Book 4)

Brooke Haddon’s future looks gray… After her unfaithful husband is killed in an auto accident, she faces the challenge of rebuilding her life. With most of her money gone, she takes her five-year-old son to the honeymoon cottage on Hilton Head Island where her marriage began. As a single parent, she wonders how she will manage, and once she arrives on the island, she can’t imagine how she’ll be able to repair a cottage as broken down as her life.

When local carpenter Jake Randolph offers to help, Brooke immediately distrusts him. But as the months pass, she begins to think he may be different from the other men she has known. He begins to melt the emotional ice around her heart. Then Jake admits he’s concealing a secret past. Are Brooke’s hopes of a brighter future about to be destroyed. Or is there a rainbow beyond the storms of heartbreak?

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Two worthwhile reads. Awesome.

Happy Reading!

Love, love, love the harmony May 02, 2022

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Have to share.

The Sound musical group has come out with a new album and Mark Lowry is giving us nearly an hour long taste of their awesome sound. Amazing voices and memorable melodies. Connect with them at thesound.org

Fun fact:

Mark’s show is called Just Whenever and that’s because he goes live just whenever he feels like it. Which is pretty much everyday when he is home. He’s been on the road doing concerts the last couple of weeks and we all missed him. Tonight’s live made up for it, in spades.

Enjoy this toe tapping, can’t bear to sit still music.

I’m Not Gonna Worry – April 27, 2022

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A fellow blogger shared some tried and true rules for a good life. There were ten and one of them was Never worry.

I have been doing some of that this last while. Fussing over some possible changes coming in my life. Worrying because I don’t know if it will work out, how it will work out, should it work out. If it doesn’t what will I do.

I want to take on a challenge that will require more from me than I have ever put into anything I’ve ever done before. There is always a hurry up and wait time with these things. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing. My vision is being refined as the days go by. Maybe things won’t move until I have worked through all of the details just right.

I try not to indulge in worry because it doesn’t accomplish anything except to make me feel dejected and discouraged. Discouraged is a good word for the way I’ve felt the last week or two. Today’s beautiful sunny day following on the heels of a week or two of a winter storm helped significantly. There is nothing as cheerful as blue skies.

The thought of not worrying reminded me of a song that always lifts my sagging spirits.

I need to listen to it another time or two yet before lights out tonight.

Maybe this will help with end of winter sagging spirits for you too.

I hope it will.

Enjoy