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The Myth of Normal April 21, 2023

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I’m always on the lookout for useful help on my journey toward emotional wellness, no small thing given my traumatic childhood.

Awareness is one of the best tools in this quest and my ears are always open and tuned in to anything that will answer the many questions rising to the surface of my mind.

Today I watched an in-depth interview with a successful doctor with his own lived experience. What he has to say speaks to where I am at this moment. I will be watching again, this time taking notes to help this become part of who I am. Dr Gabor Maté has also written a new book, the reason for the interview, and I’m planning to read it too. For years I’ve been walking the awareness path he lays out and at this point in the road I expect this book will take me even further in the right direction.

I’m sharing both the book and the podcast. I want to be able to find this material again but I also hope that sharing it will be helpful to my readers on their own journey. Our physical struggles are rooted in the emotional. By experience I know this to be true. The question forever before me is: what is behind this new set of ailments? Usually it is some new piece of old brokenness that has shaken loose and risen to the surface.

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Gabor Maté’s internationally bestselling books have changed the way we look at addiction and have been integral in shifting the conversations around ADHD, stress, disease, embodied trauma, and parenting. Now, in this revolutionary book, he eloquently dissects how in Western countries that pride themselves on their health care systems, chronic illness and general ill health are on the rise. So what is really “normal” when it comes to health?
    For all our expertise and technological sophistication, Western medicine often fails to treat the whole person, ignoring how today’s culture stresses the body, burdens the immune system, and undermines emotional balance. In The Myth of Normal, co-written with his son Daniel, Maté brings his perspective to the great untangling of common myths about what makes us sick, connects the dots between the maladies of individuals and the declining soundness of society, and offers a compassionate guide for health and healing. The result is Maté’s most ambitious and urgent book yet.

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Here is the podcast.

Continuing PTSD conversation

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Things are changing.

This is but another small part in my story as an adult survivor of child abuse.

I’m going to jump right in and say that as a child I compartmentalized to survive. My mind took charge and was very careful about what thoughts were allowed to linger. For sure there were never any questions asked. Never any attempts to figure out the why. As an adult this practice continued for decades. The doors securely locked in the vault of my mind. In recent years things have changed and my mind has opened to the possibility of seeing and examining the truth. A very freeing experience, I’m finding.

Many moments of realization and insight are beginning to add up to something that feels huge and life changing.

Recently, I started reading a book that suggests that: the best way to figure out what your future should look like, you need to go back and write your story. The author makes the case that most of us have never looked beyond basic facts to see the heart of who we are and what makes us who we are. He suggests that if we ever did look back in this way we would begin to make different choices for our future. And we would be happier for it. I think he’s right.

I’m beginning to look at my life in this way and there have been some startling revelations.Today, I am thinking about how to write about it, as he suggested. I think it will take the size of a book to fit it all in.

This morning I’ve been basking in gratefulness for the latest clear moment of insight. It’s covers a part of my life I’ve never written about, and now that I see what a treasure it truly is – it needs to be fully explored.

If I could pick a song that expresses the current new stage of my life, this song would be it.

“I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day …”

“… I can make it now the pain is gone. All of the bad feelings have disappeared…”

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The song of my heart these days.

Free and bargain books February 16, 2023

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We would have had two free books today but one of them was a good example of less-than-good writing. The second paragraph was all it took for me to make the decision.

The equivalent of one bite before pushing the plate away.

This makes me sad. Reading the synopsis, the story could have been a good one. Two things could have been helpful in making it better. One would be editing, or maybe better editing, and most importantly, time spent perfecting her craft.

There are several things that a person could do to accomplish this. One of the very best things an aspiring writer can do to is to read voraciously.. Well written books and nothing less. We will find ourselves reflecting the habits of an accomplished writer, and that is a good thing.

This is a fact of life for all of us, we begin to sound like the people we hang out with whether we want to or not. Just to show how this can work, unintentionally. This month, I’ve been spending endless hours hanging out with a murder trial. Yesterday, on an office email, I found myself saying let me rephrase the question.

This mimicking can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on our choice of companions.

Hopefully I’ll lose the lawyer lingo.

Although, reflecting on the strategizing conversation with my boss yesterday, I was pleased to see the progress I’ve made toward the ability to express ideas clearly and concisely. I attribute this growth to the people I’ve spent time with (mostly in the pages of a book) and to the conscious practicing of my craft (trying to achieve explanations that make sense.)

I could be writing instruction manuals. There’s a thought.

I’m still a work in progress though. It takes me hours to write a lengthy email with detailed instructions.

So, here is our one free book.

From This Day Forward: Encore Edition (Heartland Homecoming Book 1) 

They thought their marriage was over—
but can forgiveness open the door to a new future?

After his surgical career ends in tragedy and his marriage shatters, Dr. Sam Martin leaves Philadel-phia for a new life in Oak Hill, Missouri. But he’s never stopped loving the woman who stole his heart. Determined to win her back, Sam invites Cara to recover at his home after she suffers a trauma of her own.

Desperate to find a way to conquer the panic attacks that are paralyzing her, Cara accepts—though she wants no part of the husband who betrayed her. Deep in America’s heartland she discovers a changed man—but can she and Sam find a way to build a new future from the ashes of their past?

In this HOLT Medallion winner, bestselling author Irene Hannon takes readers on an uplifting journey that illustrates the healing power of love…and hope.

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Another interesting suggestion showed up on this journey, book two in a series we’ve seen before.

Sylvia’s Journey: Betrayals & Beginnings (Seeds of Faith Book 2)

The beach. A kidnapping. An agonizing secret.

Prosecuting Attorney Sylvia Mason has no idea her latest case will have ever-lasting consequences that change her life forever. As a widow, she’s had two years to learn to live with heartache but is unprepared for what’s to come.

Alvin Griffin is a former Navy officer turned part-time preacher. He’s stuck by Sylvia’s side after the death of her husband, even though she pushes him away at every turn.

Will Alvin wait on Sylvia, or has she hurt his already battered heart too many times?

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Well, that’s it for today as far as books go.

I hope it is a good reading day for you too.

Bargain books February 11, 2023

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We have a new and interesting book today. After reading the first two chapters I’m dying to read the rest of it… Next.

Unless I decide to walk away from my current read. It could happen. This author is one of my favorites so I can’t help but be excited.

Cold Dead Night (Brand of Justice Book 1)

The FBI betrayed her. Now they need her.

Private Investigator Kenna Banbury lost everything two years ago at the hands of a serial killer. From the ashes of that encounter, she’s built a life she believes in, searching for the lost and forgotten all over the western US.

Bringing her own brand of justice.

When a series of murders drags her into an FBI investigation, Kenna finds herself back in the place where it all went wrong. Struggling to make sense of the case, Kenna’s past and present collide in a deadly plot that risks another betrayal and threatens to shatter everything she’s built.

Kenna faces the darkest part of her past in this first book of a brand-new series from Lisa Phillips.

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My current read is by an author who has been around forever, and I’ve never read any of his books. I know he is a good writer, evidenced by the millions of books sold. I also know this fact as a subscriber to his email list.

His current mission in life seems to be helping all of us become better writers ourselves and so the emails with helpful offers show up regularly.

I have taken some of his free courses but haven’t gone beyond that. I love writing (the noun version) and appreciate the time and talent that goes into awesome books. The trouble is I don’t love the idea of writing a book myself (I know you have figured out that’s the verb version.) These days I’m having trouble finding enough material to write a daily blog post never mind enough for a serious project.

Actually, that isn’t entirely true, about the blog post. Ideas and thoughts still cross my mind occasionally but it’s cluttered with too many other things going on in my life and the ideas die before I find a minute to really think about them.

I’m trying not to beat myself up about this too much and hang on to the hope that maybe next year will be a better year for a quiet and thoughtful mind.

The last twelve months have been quite the ride. I can’t say it’s even remotely been a bad year but it has definitely been consuming. Intense even. I’m hoping a move soon, closer to my daughter, will lay to rest some of the anxious what-to-do, what-to-do! thought patterns.

In the middle of all that tumultuous mindset, books help keep me sane. Maybe writing will help again too one day, somewhere far far down the line.

So lets get back on track here.

The current read, was…(I’ve already made the switch and I’m up to chapter six – must be attention deficit disorder I keep forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing here hahaha )

Dead Sea Conspiracy: A Novel

In this thrilling adventure, archaeologist Nicole Berman is about to discover the key to unifying three major religions—if a dangerous enemy doesn’t stop her first.

Archaeologist Nicole Berman is the first woman to be awarded a permit to lead a dig in Saudi Arabia. Nicole believes what she hopes to discover has the power to to rewrite world history. She assembles a team that will ultimately surprise – and in some cases – betray her. 

In a parallel storyline, readers are launched back to ancient Ur where young Abram is sent to learn from his forebears, who tell him firsthand stories of being on the ark during the Great Flood. 

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Nothing against his writing. Subject matter is more likely the draw or lack of draw.

There is no accounting for taste. What can I say?

Hopefully this rambling post makes a little sense.

The next post will probably be books read.

Happy reading!

This and that January 19, 2023

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It has been quite the day.

This have been a week for repair men. A new furnace to replace the one that quit. That was a big job.

One thing lead to another and the hot water tank had to be replaced as well. There were complications because of the updated regulations for exhaust pipes. It would be impossible to comply with the inadequate space available in the chimney, so we had to change from gas to an electric tank with simpler exhaust needs.

Isn’t that always the way? Fix one thing, that causes a chain reaction, and before you know it you are changing six more.

I have to say I am pleased with the new arrangement, though, especially the furnace. I had no idea the old furnace was doing such a poor job of heating the house. The difference in performance is staggering. It’s winter and I don’t have to wear as many layers anymore. How could I be unhappy about that?

The crew of guys doing all this work went above and beyond the call of duty to give helpful service. Their company policy is service oriented. It seems they have discovered the secret weapon for gaining customer loyalty. More businesses need to discover this secret.

Before the guys left they mentioned a special plumbing inspection price the company had going on at the moment. I couldn’t think of any major concerns but still, it sounded like a good idea.

Sometimes bad things lead to good things. Having the major expense of a new furnace and hot water tank didn’t feel like a good thing but if it hadn’t happened they wouldn’t have been here, I wouldn’t have known to ask for a plumbing inspection and in turn, would never have known the sump pump under the basement floor was no longer working.

If we hadn’t noticed this could have been a very bad thing. If a lot of water showed up in the spring melt and the basement flooded because the pump couldn’t carry it away, I shudder to think what kind of mess that would have been.

The downside, is having to spend all that money, the upside is priceless. Peace of mind that everything is in good working order. Expecting there will be no more middle of winter, or spring, failures, for a good long while.

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

Now I just have to get used to all the new noises in the house.

What was that? runs through my mind more often than ever now.

This and that January 11, 2023

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Spring will be here in a couple of days; do you realize that?!

Winter arrived in October, it’s now the middle of January, winter lasts six months around here, it’s clear to see by the way things are going that we will be mowing lawns again in a few short weeks.

The days are noticeably getting longer, which we are all happy about, but pretty soon we will be back to day-light saving time. We could do without that pain in the butt. They keep talking about getting rid of the time change but so far it’s all talk with no resolution.

In the meantime there is still a foot of snow on the deck. I used to shovel it off but somewhere in the last ten years I lost interest. Normally I have no reason to go out there so why bother.

Today though I need to bother. I left a couple of post caps that need to be glued back on, I left them sitting on the railing where wild wind and rain didn’t seem to bother them. The pile of snow eventually did. It has been sliding off into the garden and now the caps are tipping off with the snow. I’ll have to clear a path, albeit a short path, because my boots aren’t high enough to avoid getting wet feet.

This will be my first wild adventure of the winter. (Driving on slick early winter roads is not that big a deal.) Hopefully the snow ready to slide of the roof won’t take me out when I shake the deck. I’ll let you know if I make it back.

Photo by Mathilde Langevin on Pexels.com

Read and enjoyed January 08, 2023

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Do you ever keep your eye faithfully on the clock and still lose track of time trying to finish a book before you have to go somewhere?

Happened to me today. Promised to be there by 3 pm, eventually deciding 4 would work and surfaced from the book at 4:05. There is an hour away. It’s a good job they love me and it was no big deal. I wanted to be there to spend time with my son who is flying home tomorrow.

It was fun anyway. The last thing we did was watch the new Top Gun movie. It was good. Not best movie ever but it was worth seeing. It was nostalgic. I still have a copy of the first Top Gun.

So midnight is fast approaching and I better get on with it. As promised; here is the book I just had to finish this afternoon. Need to know kept me going. It was definitely worth the time, although the ending was abrupt and disappointing. Overall it was a very good read.

All That Really Matters (A McKenzie Family Romance)

Molly McKenzie’s bright personality and on-trend fashion and beauty advice have made her a major social media influencer. When her manager-turned-boyfriend tells her of an upcoming audition to host a makeover show for America’s underprivileged youth, all her dreams finally seem to be coming true. There’s just one catch: she has little experience interacting with people in need.

To gain an edge on her competitors, she plans to volunteer for the summer at a transitional program for aged-out foster kids, but the program’s director, Silas Whittaker, doesn’t find her as charming as her followers do. Despite his ridiculous rules and terms, Molly dives into mentoring, surprising herself with the genuine connections and concern she quickly develops for the girls–and Silas. But just as everything seems perfectly aligned for her professional future, it starts to crumble under the pressure. And as her once-narrow focus opens to the deep needs of those she’s come to know, she must face the ones she’s neglected inside herself for so long.

“In Deese’s charming fish-out-of-water tale, a social media influencer finds humility and purpose while trying to find fame. . . . Deese combines to great effect her bracing take on those affected by foster care and Molly’s personal evolution. Fans of Rachel Hauck should take a look.”–Publishers Weekly

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Happy reading!

More this and that. January 07, 2023

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I took the plunge. It has taken a while to get to this point. I follow a number of people on YouTube and several of them start out their long form podcast there and then part way through takes it over to Rumble to finish. They encourage all of us to switch over with them (they were streaming simultaneously on Rumble to keep that audience up-to-date) so far, I’ve never followed along.

I’ve heard varying opinions on the site since it all started. I follow Dave Rubin pretty much every day and he is forever encouraging us to try it out. He and his brother-in-law started Locals as an alternative to YouTube and it seemed good but was lacking something that Rumble had so, they joined forces. On the front end they look separate but on the back end, in ways I don’t understand, they are connected and they are better together we are told.

Today I decided to check it out to see how it works. It appears they have come a long way. The setup is similar to YT and I was able to easily find people I wanted to follow.

They also promote videos they think you might be interested in. I like the way it works at this point and decided to sign up and stick around.

It’s easy to see they are looking for content providers because that is the first sign-up page we come to. The thought of making videos has crossed my mind over the last year or two but life has been consumed with family here visiting and the idea soon faded into the back ground. I’ll have to see if it will come back to the front and demand to be heard once everyone is gone.

One of the observations someone made today was that things seem to be freer on Rumble. Several popular contributors found their audience grew faster and larger there than it did on YT. The difference must be in the way they promote their subscribers.

Content is on my mind. By necessity it will have to be presented differently. It will take a lot of thought to figure this out. Maybe I should make the book focus smaller and my this-and-that thoughts bigger.

There are many subjects I currently avoid, partly due to the audience showing up on my site and partly due to worry over what is acceptable and what is not. I didn’t want to take a chance on being shut down.

I would probably attract a different audience over there and the allowances for differing opinions are better on Rumble/Locals.

Here’s a rabbit trail.

Whenever someone wants a certain group of people to be in unity thinking the same way, my favorite thought is always about the cars we drive, the sports teams we love, and the side of the sink we work from.

It makes me laugh because how many people do you know who love the same make of car, love the same sports team, and always wash dishes from left to right.

Fierce family feuds have developed over less than these three things. I think it’s hilarious whenever someone expects us to all think the same way, and be happy about it. There is a better chance of water flowing up hill.

All that to say differing opinions are inevitable, just like the resulting fireworks when opinions clash sometimes.

The raging battle in my mind is Ford or Chevy?

Never Ford!

I’ve owned a number of other makes but never a Ford. I’m proud of it but don’t usually say it out loud around the multitude of guys driving Ford pick-up trucks. They’ve explained why they make that choice but I still don’t get it.

I have to say, though, that I’m not very loyal to Chevy either. I think all six (or ten) of the cars I’ve\we’ve owned through the years have been different makes. I’ve even owned and loved a looked-down-upon Dodge. It was small and cute with a stick shift (or was it column) and went really fast. My favorite was a Mazda 626 but it met a sad end when it was kissed by an elk. Somehow, I ended up with the never-to-be-tolerated Oldsmobile. After 10 years I still don’t love it although I will admit it is a good ride and handles well in winter driving.

My son thinks it handles too well. He doesn’t live where there is winter. While he was here, he wanted to do some fish tailing, or maybe donuts, but the car wasn’t coopperating like he wanted it to. He loves my car; he keeps borrowing it.

I think I’ve pretty much exhausted that rabbit trail.

My car was similar to this but didn’t have the spoiler on the back or the vents on the hood. And it was a gold color. Mazda 626. And could it ever go on the hills. I loved that car. Vroom Vroom.

This and that January 06, 2023

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It has been quite a day. A very good day actually.

It started out with signing of a renewal for my mortgage. Normally this would be fairly quick and easy but for some reason the process of signing was complicated this time. I have multiple devices but to my mind all of them had issues. Why can’t I print, wet ink sign, and scan. Eventually (a few days later) we got it done.

There was an upside to the struggle though. In the end some of the decisions were changed to something better and it was worth the hassle. Besides that, the experience of chatting with the bank representative was well worth the time spent.

Signing using the mouse left us with an interesting version of my signature. I guess the app doesn’t care, it just knows a signature has been applied.

At least it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Couriers have devices with such small awkward screens and those signatures were out of this world every time. I’d never have to worry about forgeries that’s for sure. It’s a good job we didn’t have to use them to identify the signor as me. lol

The next good thing in this day was having three muscled family members show up to install a new water softener device and then hang some drywall for a needed repair. It was a fun day. It took longer than the 2 hours originally estimated and I was happy with that. There are always challenges with these things and it sounded like the guys enjoyed working on it together.

The next while was spent on chores and work projects with a little reading thrown in and later some videos but now that the day is ending I’m missing having my kids here. (grown men but still my kids.) In all honesty, I’ve been preparing emotionally to have them gone but now I’m feeling it more than I thought I would.

My son will be flying back to his home on Monday, several thousand miles away, and it is another good bye. We’ve had three already as his boys left at different times, in different directions, and then his wife and daughter left on a flight home early yesterday morning. School was starting and she had to be there.

I was happy, I seemed to be taking all this in stride without any tears and figured I was going to do well this time. I guess it just took a little longer to hit me.

To fill in the time this evening I was watching/listening to videos and working on a puzzle.A black and white puzzle the rest of my puzzle loving family members were reluctant to work on for some reason.

One video was an interview with the author of a wildly popular book on developing good habits that will help us reach our potential. (the interviewer has a gift for asking great questions) (the intro to this video has an ad for materials related to church leadership skills but this interview does not address any of that. It is about successfully building an online presence.)

The second was a documentary about the life and career of Alan Rickman. He played the terrorist in the Die Hard movie with Bruce Willis. I had no idea he was so successful and broadly talented. (I watch this movie at least once a year, usually at Christmas. The perfect time 🙂 )

Both videos were lengthy and well worth the time spent. (I’ll add them at the bottom for you) And they helped me focus on the puzzle too – a definite plus.

I enjoyed the whole experience but was left wishing some of my puzzle loving family were here with me. I sent a wish you were here note on our group chat and expressing that thought was probably what caused the sadness to surface.

A good nights sleep will probably cure the worst of the lonely feelings. It has been a full day that’s for sure and a rest is in order.

I’ll share the two videos and the puzzle picture I sent to my family.

Anyone else want to pop over and work on it with me? No? I like the interesting picture and a challenge is always a good thing.

No books today. I did investigate but nothing popped up. Maybe tomorrow

I love this puzzle.

I’m off to bed as soon as I read through this thing another time or two. Maybe you will forgive me if I miss a few problem areas? Hopefully it will make sense. It made sense in my head.

Happy watching and reading.

I hope you enjoy these videos as much as I did.

Free book December 29, 2022

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Good morning! What are the chances! We have good book suggestions today from two sources and – wouldn’t you know – they are the same. It is usual for them to mention the same book, just not on the same day.

I’ve read the long sample and now I have to read the rest. A nice problem to have in my estimation.

Come Next Winter: An Inspirational Romance (Seasons of Change Book 1)

Can love triumph over tragedy and bring joy amid winter?

When unexpected tragedy hits her family, Carol Mason struggles to forge a new life for herself and her sons. Though Vermont has been their home for twenty years, betrayal and misunderstanding force Carol to leave the mountains she loves and return to her hometown of Apache Pointe, Arizona. There she is welcomed by scorching heat, lizards, scorpions, and (gulp) Aunt Penny. Carol finds a sympathetic friend in her cousin Millie as she does her best to put the pieces of her shattered life back together. But her prayers for guidance and a decent place to live away from Aunt Penny’s disapproving eye go unanswered. Has God turned a deaf ear to her just when she needs Him the most?

The answer might be found in the handsome pastor of her family’s church. Frank is everything she would look for in a spouse. If she were looking. Which she is not. Especially when she discovers that Cousin Millie has set her hopes on becoming the pastor’s next wife. Aunt Penny’s outrageous attempts to ensure that Millie wins Frank’s heart bring Carol’s past crashing into her present, and might destroy any chance she has at a happy future.

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I think the main draw of this book is that it is well written. I could be wrong but I’m thinking that any story could be interesting if it is well written.

Hmmm. This bears thinking about. This is a new thought, one I haven’t considered from all angles. It sounds like it could be true.

You know the old line, he could sell _____ to a ______. Fill in the blanks with your favorite example of impossible sells. He’s basically selling a story, a well told, convincing story. If such a thing is possible then well written should equal awesome no matter what the story line.

This would be an interesting challenge. Take a boring concept and write a story that people want to read. Prove the point if it can be done.

Maybe well written is relative. It is possible there are works that could be considered well written while they are totally boring.

But then boring could also be considered relative. There is no accounting for taste. What is fascinating to one can be deadly boring to another. How often do you want to read a 1000 page tome on the characteristics of some totally obscure microscopic topic? A few of you will say pretty often.

Maybe it’s fair to say that well written can make any subject/idea/story fascinating to someone somewhere.

I’m needing to camp on this thought for a bit.

I’ll be back with more bargains if I see any pop up later.

Happy Reading!