Sometimes I lie

They tell us that we all lie…. and the one we lie to most often, is ourselves.

I agree with this idea whole heartedly. Keeping honesty in mind, I think I’ve been doing a good job at self honesty. About the way I live life. I’m convinced of it. I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m not the same person I was.

But….

Life has been feeling unsettled lately and I’m perplexed about the reason. I’ve been more introspective than usual, thinking about the last few months, of the places I’ve been and the people I’ve seen. Trying to figure out what I need to learn from it all. Wondering what is coming next, on the road of life.

They say if you want to know the truth, pay attention to actions rather than words.

Up until recently, I thought my words and actions lined up pretty well. Now I’m beginning to doubt that’s true.

A change in scenery can expose things we would never see in the everyday routine of life.

Travelling about the country for several months was just such a change. Frequenting unfamiliar public places, daily interaction with strangers, even spending unusual amounts of time with family and friends.

I thought the desire and willingness to make the trip was a sign I’ve finally been able to step outside of the old ways and move on. In some regards it’s true, I have moved on. But, an honest look, at the level of control over all possible interactions, tells me it’s not entirely true. I’m kidding myself if I think I’ve lowered the protective walls enough to let people in. The truth is, on this trip, I went to unusual lengths to keep people out.

Facing this truth, I’m not sure what I can do to change anything, but honesty is a good place to start.  The thought processes have been shaken up and now I’m looking at things from a different perspective.


Help in unexpected places….

I was listening to a podcast, the other day, about How to Stop the Pain. James Richards was saying that brokenness is complex and if we focus on trying to fix ourselves, it is likely, on some levels, that we will make things worse. Like unravelling tangled yarn. Complex.

Instead of focusing on fixing, he uses the sowing analogy. Sow the seeds of what you need and it will gradually become part of your life.

I need to sow openness. I have been thinking in this direction a lot lately –  that I need  to make more of an effort to nod, speak, smile. It’s a good place to start and the podcast was validation of that thought.

It’s amazing how, when I’m trying to figure things out, I stumble upon a book, a podcast, or a conversation, that speaks to the very subject I’m wrestling with.


Speaking of books….

Anne Perry is a name that quickly comes to mind when asked about favorite authors.

I was introduced to her a decade or so ago and read many of her books. More recently, a book suggestion showed up in my news feed, for a volume containing the first three books in the Charlotte and Thomas Pitt series. I was delighted to find I hadn’t read any of them. I have now….. and the last one will soon be finished.

This three volume set is a good place to get started.

The murder mysteries take place in London, in the days of horses, buggies, and high society. The blending of upper and lower class adds dimension and intrigue.

Thomas Pitt vol one

Happy Reading!!

 

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