Walls or Boundaries?
This week I have been thinking about walls.
The emotional walls many of us put up to protect ourselves from hurt (emotional) or harm (physical).
The trouble with those walls – they don’t just keep out the bad stuff, they keep out the good stuff too.
Some of us have flimsy walls that go up and down, depending on what life is doing to us in the moment.
Others have walls that have grown in thickness and height enough to compare with Fort Knox. That’s the famous institution where the USA keeps it’s gold bullion. The ultimate in fortress walls.
The thicker and higher, the harder it is to bring them down, never mind let someone in for a moment. A very lonely life.
At this stage for me, I have walls that go up and down. They are mostly down but there are still circumstances where I feel threatened, at risk, distrustful, and the walls go up.
A small percentage of the time they may be warranted but the rest of the time the threat I perceive is not real.
I’ve being trying to find a solution, a way to handle triggers and paranoia in certain circumstances and that led me to thinking about boundaries.
The beauty of boundaries is the height. They can be markings on the road, they can be curbs, guardrails, fences. They are usually something that allows for communication and interaction while still acting as a barrier.
I think changing from walls to boundaries will take some serious consideration. A change in mindset.
I haven’t figured it all out yet. How to establish something appropriate and workable. Since we don’t actually have physical boundaries it has to be something that can be expressed in words. Something I can live with and put into practice.
Mostly I feel uncomfortable in public spaces. It will be a challenge to find ways to make that work. What would it take to make me feel safe.
At this point I have no idea what that would even look like but I’m willing to consider it.
Mainly because walls are not working out all that well for me, wanting to leave isolation behind.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
This is a book I’ve had on my shelf for a very long time. I think I need to read it again. Maybe it will give me some good ideas.
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
Boundaries is the book that’s helped over 4 million people learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of their lives.
Does your life feel like it’s out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone’s requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others’ feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you’ve forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it’s all of the above.
In the New York Times bestseller, Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life and set healthy, biblical boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself.
Now updated and expanded for the digital age, this book continues to help millions of people around the world answer these tough questions:
- Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
- What are legitimate boundaries?
- How do I effectively manage my digital life so that it doesn’t control me?
- What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
- Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
- How do boundaries relate to mutual submission within marriage?
- Aren’t boundaries selfish?