blogging

This resonates with me

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A short interview on a timely topic, for me anyway. It feels to me like this should be shared.

Coffee break is awesome today. This video is part of an interview series I’ve been following and this man is very wise. The series is based on a book he’s written, so there you go, we still have books to think about.

This resonates with me because past buried, horrendous, memories still plague me in the form of triggers. I’ve come a long way in the last decade but there is still more to be done and I appreciate any resource crossing my path.

I share because it touches me but also because someone else may need to hear this as well.

Wishing you the very best in your healing journey.

This guy makes a lot of sense

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No book suggestions so far this morning but I need to post. I’m falling down on keeping my daily post promise. and that is tragic.

I don’t have a book to talk about but I did watch a podcast yesterday that made a lot of sense to me. I’ve lived through stuff he’s talking about and know he’s on the right track. Government can never make things better for us. We have to take our lives into our own hands and work to make things better. My dad didn’t do it for himself (or us) but my brothers and I did. It hasn’t always been easy but life has been good to our families.

Enjoy this man’s wisdom and maybe I will have book things to say later on.

Actually, this man has written books. Check him out.

Cheers

Well, that was fun.

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It was fun.The other day I was telling you all about a visit I was going to be making in a couple of days. The story prompt was Tooth. I was recounting my lifetime of trials and tribulations with teeth and dentists and how I wanted to call it quits and have them all pulled (the teeth, that is) and be done with dentists. Unfortunately for me he had differing opinions and refused to help me out.

Moving on from teeth, I was telling you about this aggravating skin condition I self diagnosed as psoriasis. It’s about impossible to get rid of and so I had no plans to do anything about it other than find ways to live with it.

I hadn’t seen a doctor in a decade or so. Mainly because doctors in my area are rarely taking new patients and I didn’t really want to see one anyway. What was the point unless I had something either life threatening or needing an intervention of some sort.

Out of the blue everything came together and in short order I found myself with a doctor, and my worrywart kids were happy. You will have to read my tooth post here for the rest of that story.

So, yesterday I was back for my second visit. On the first visit, a getting-to-know-you, taking-a-history, type of visit, the young doctor was pleased to find I had low risk factors for all of the usual serious diseases. When I pulled up my pant legs to show him the semi-angry red patches covering my shins he was smiling even bigger.

Pretty soon he had his camera out,snapping pictures from every angle, making plans to contact his dermatologist friend.

It turned out, maybe I was wrong in my diagnosis. There is another possible condition but it would take a biopsy to know for sure,

That’s what yesterday’s visit was all about.

My doctor and a student intern were having a good time. It was like the doctor found a bone with some meat on it. Routine visits can be so boring. It’s nice to have a little excitement every now and again.

It was fun for me too. I’d never seen or felt anything quite like that before. It was up close and personal because I was sitting up, on the exam table, and had a bird’s eye view of the whole thing. I wasn’t sure if I could watch but it wasn’t bad at all.

After picking the optimal site, he was very organized, getting his equipment all in place so things would go smoothly. He preferred a long needle for freezing because it was thinner and less intrusive. He poked many places making sure it extended as far out as where the stitch would go to cover the hole he made. The freezing was interesting. It was built to burn at first and then when it quit you knew things were frozen.

To take the sample he had this pen-like thing, (flat with no point,) probably more like a miniature post hole digger. He turned it until it cut far enough through the layers and then gently pulled it out, hanging on to a pea sized piece of flesh. They popped it in a small jar of liquid to be sent on it’s way. Pulling the skin together to cover the hole was challenging. Slippery and elastic, it didn’t feel like cooperating. I think he did a little x thing to make it hold. I’ll have to have a look tonight when I change the band-aid,

A good time was had by all.

Now we have to wait and see. He says it will take awhile. If it is what he thinks, it will be a little more treatable than psoriasis, that’s good news.

I asked if there was anything great going to come out of this. Like a cure. He’s says no. It’s an autoimmune disease.

I already know basically what autoimmune is but looked it up anyway to make sure I have my facts straight. After reading the descriptions I am determined to be content. What I have is a nuisance but it could be so much worse. Some of the diseases they listed sounded really scary. I’m grateful to have it as easy as I do.

I’m grateful too for young doctors. They haven’t had a chance to become jaded. They are still exploring and hopeful.

It was fun to learn new things.

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On a different note…

Currently I am reading and enjoying a great book that is still a bargain,

Hannah’s Hope (The Red Gloves Book 4) 

Amazon quote:

Raised in a political family, 15-year-old Hannah Roberts lives a lonely life with her wealthy, unaffectionate grandmother while her parents work abroad.

As Christmas nears, Hannah learns a shocking truth: the man she believed was her father is not her parent after all.

In an effort to find answers, she begins a desperate search for her real father, Air Force pilot Mike Conner, who she discovers to be the man of her distant childhood memories.

Local politicians and the city’s newspaper catch wind of her quest, and the entire state joins in Hannah’s hope that she’ll find her father before Christmas.

Happy Reading y’all

Story Prompt – Tooth

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Today’s weekly story prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings with peckapalooza The Confusing Middle and it’s …

Tooth

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I don’t want to talk about this subject. Considering that thought, I’m a little shocked myself. Since Wednesday, when this topic was announced I’ve been thinking about what I’d say and really, the conversation in my head wasn’t all that emotional. Guess I was wrong about just how hot this hot button issue is for me.

I’m not much of a believer in coincidence. Maybe the truth is, I need to talk about this subject more than I think I do. Blow off a little steam. That would be helpful. I’ve only been upset about this for five years. Tuesday could be the unexpected resolution to a long standing problem. Things would probably go better if I wasn’t an emotional mess about this.

The dispute with the dentist five years ago was over differing opinions on tooth removal. I was told it would be unethical.

I’m a woman, it’s my body. An abortion would not be considered unethical (if I wanted one, which I don’t) so why would having all my teeth pulled be considered unethical? Pulling teeth over taking a life? Makes no sense to me.

Of course I did what I always do when I’m boiling mad. Cried. And that made me even madder. Still does. If I had the ability to stomp my feet, shout, and create a scene, maybe things would have gone my way but I don’t and they didn’t.

They said unethical but I think the term was used as a smoke screen. Pulling my teeth would be like killing the cow. Fiscally, not a good move for them. Well, they may as well have pulled them because I haven’t been back.

In their arrogance they wouldn’t listen to me and figured they knew best. I’ve lived with my teeth for a lot of years and spent untold money, and hours, in the dentist chair. The rate of deterioration had increased dramatically and I could see the writing on the wall. Between money and pain, it was no longer worth it. On top of that, almost half of my teeth were already gone anyway, let’s just do it all and be done.

Since aggression was out, I did the only thing I could do, nothing. I figured if I let things take their natural course without remedy, someone would eventually look in my mouth and agree with my assessment. Mind you, I’m not sure how that would happen since I haven’t looked for a new dentist (what’s the point, they would probably agree with the other guy.) I have to say the damage in the last five years has been significant – cavities, broken teeth, large fillings gone, teeth starting to lean over.

Here’s the reason I think the end for this issue may be near, finally.

I’ve recently been to a doctor (as opposed to the Dr dentist) for the first time in ten years. Doctors taking patients are not easy to find these days and to be honest, I was in no hurry to see one. In the course of the getting-to-know-you section of the visit I showed him my issues with a chronic skin condition. I assumed it was a psoriasis (looked like it to me) which is about impossible to get rid of. It seems now it could be something else. Related to my mouth. They will do a biopsy on Tuesday to make a conclusive diagnosis. If it is connected to my mouth maybe that’s my ticket out of here. (at least, for my teeth, not me)

My only reason for wanting to see a doctor was a routine check up, I had no identifiable health issues, aside from getting old. I’ve been praying and stressing over my teeth for a long time, maybe this unusual route is the answer to all of that. I sure hope so.

I have to say, Tooth was an excellent choice for today’s theme. I feel so much better now, after getting all this off my chest.

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It was interesting how this whole doctor thing came about.

I’ve lived here eight years now without one. They have a doctor finder thing you can sign up for, which I did, and every few months they send an email saying they haven’t found anything but they will keep trying. I wanted local and they are scarce in my area.

Anyway, my kids were stressing a little over how long it’s been since I’ve seen anyone and they were worried. They had reason to be, my son-in-law’s father suddenly died recently from an undiagnosed problem with his heart.

I’ve been feeling a little punky for a while now but it’s no big deal, pretty nebulous really. I prayed, Lord, do I need to see a doctor? A few days later I received the regular email telling me the usual, no doctor – we will keep trying, and a day after that the Doctor Finder fellow called me saying there were doctors available in my area. In short order I had an appointment.

With the initial history taking and assessment he was very pleased, figuring my risk factors for major disease were very low. I left there thinking Lord, if I needed to see a doctor, why did nothing show up? I’d had blood work done and everything there looked normal. A week or so later the report came back in regard to the pictures sent to the dermatologist.

If that was the issue needing attention and my dental worries would finally be taken care of, I’d be a happy camper. I’m sure my overall health would improve too if the damaged teeth were out of there. Here’s hoping as we await the biopsy results.

I can’t say I’m thrilled with the idea of losing all my teeth but it won’t be the end of the world. Like a tree that bends in the wind, I will adapt.

Free and Bargain books February 23, 2021

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Before I get into book suggestions I want to introduce you to a first time blogger, I hope you will encourage her as much as I have been trying to. She is no stranger to the writing world but blogging is all new for her. I’ve been pushing her on this because I know she has lots to say and that’s what blogging is all about. Having something to say. Her post will show up right after this one goes live.

I’m not sure how many book suggestions I’ll be able to find but I can start with an interesting historical story I found while browsing. It goes way back, to the days of the early Roman Empire. I’ve not read this author before and I’m looking forward to it.

A Still Small Voice 

Amazon quote:

A TIMELESS BIBLICAL TRUTH

Jerusalem, an ancient city, is a land cloaked in mystery, legend, and intrigue. Within the heart of this age-old city dwells a lovely young woman – Julia, as whimsical and restless as the great city itself, her head filled with dreams of adventure and romance, her vision clouded by a daring young man of striking countenance, flashing eyes, and broad shoulders.

Residing in a magnificent villa nestled comfortably within the imperial Upper City, Julia knows no other life than the plush, comfortable one she shares with her mother, her wealthy merchant father, and a vast array of household staff to meet her every need.

Will her perfect world be shattered if she insists upon wedding the handsome guard who protects her father’s wares? Will her parents approve of the reckless man with whom she has fallen hopelessly in love?

she has fallen hopelessly in love?

A Still Small Voice weaves an entrancing tapestry of the masterfully crafted, God-ordained events that forever changed the course of history.

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This one is an LPCBooks FREE suggestion that wouldn’t show up for me yesterday on Amazon.

Hope’s Gentle Touch

Amazon quote:

After her abusive husband’s death, Misty Stephens returns to her job as a nurse and volunteer at a women’s shelter. She intends to put her life back together and has no intention of ever being vulnerable to a man again. But when an abuse victim dies in her care, Misty finds herself consoling the girl’s brother … and fighting attraction.

Adam Jenkins sees Misty’s heart for the oppressed and implores her to help build Hope House, a women’s shelter, in honor of his sister. Though grieving, Adam is drawn to Misty. But he approaches romance the way he does ranching—quick and decisive—an almost disastrous mistake. While dealing with family fallout and troubles at work, this new project and Misty become a light shining into Adam’s grief.

A common purpose binds them together, and Misty’s heart starts to open to Adam. But she finds it much harder to lower her defenses than she imagined. Can any man be fully trusted—especially a powerful, wealthy rancher? When the past rears its ugly head and her reality starts to crumble, Misty’s trust in God and hope for a bright future are put to the test. Will hope’s gentle touch finally bring the love Misty’s heart needs to heal?

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Well, we have two but they are both long. That’s easily the equivalent of many more and should keep us gong for a while.

Be sure and check out my friends post coming up next.

Happy Reading

It isn’t that I can’t, it’s that I can’t.

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This is one of those just say something kind of days. You know, those days when it’s time to write a post and you have nothing.

So, this title is the thought that’s been rolling around in my head all day. It’s entirely true, and to my mind, it’s hilarious. I love a good play on words.

Probably the reason why this idea is lodged securely in my mind, like a silly song that stays with you all day, is because I lived it over the weekend.

Saturday afternoon was the time for our regular monthly writer’s group. We take turns chairing the meeting and February was supposed to be my turn. It’s bad enough when we meet in person and I can look around the table to see everyone; make it a Zoom meeting and it is confusing and worse. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do a good job and decided to look for a fill-in. I felt the group deserved to have a better experience than I could give them.

Some time after arranging my replacement I read and enjoyed a book featured in a previous blog post here. This added a new element to the meeting as I shared my enjoyment with the rest of the executive. With the help of several of our group members who knew her personally, I was able to contact the author. She would love to read an excerpt for us from her short story. Once this was all settled the agenda came out for the meeting and I was surprised to find I was still on it. In a smaller capacity but still. No one said a word, they just snuck it in there.

It all worked out ok. I was ready with my part mapped out in my head and it went smoothly. Probably because concern for my newly assigned task overshadowed every other worry.

In the end, I had the ability. It wasn’t like I couldn’t do it before but now I could.

The best way to describe why I couldn’t do it would be disability. Something crippling my ability

At this point I can hear one of our best writers saying “when you make statements like that I want to hear details”

I can tell you that I have complex PTSD from ongoing childhood abuse. It started before I was born and ended when I was twelve. I can’t give you details because I don’t have memories. They talk about abuse victims compartmentalizing as a coping mechanism. That’s what my mind did. Ninety-eight percent of my childhood memories are locked in a sealed vault and even though I’ve given myself permission to bring some of them out, for the most part, it’s not happening. I was describing it to my daughter the other day, It’s like watching a room with small windows… every now and then a shadow goes past. That’s the extent of it.

I’ve been in heavy denial about all of this for most of my life. Up until about fifteen years ago when one of my brothers insisted that I own it and admit the truth. This admission was the beginning of a new dimension in my healing journey

One discovery along the way was this: My disability comes not from memories but from triggers rising out of memories buried deep inside me. The deep place that will never forget.

In the past I refused to even think about the shadowy memories I did have.

It turned out there was a better way. I could stop and examine the shadows. Ask questions. Try to understand family dynamics and recognize what was behind abusive actions. There were many well-that-explains-a-lot moments once I allowed myself to question, to take a honest look.

So, I guess the question is, how does this affect my ability to do or not to do? It’s this way… my survival response is to shut down.

Freeze. Panic attacks.

I’ve had many theories about why this is.

A break through moment tells me it’s all about feeling safe.

Why don’t I feel safe? Honestly, aside from rooted in old memories, I have no idea.

I think it will take more than my lifetime to heal from this.

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. At least I’m making progress.

Maybe can’t could even turn into can someday.

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One thing I know for sure, I’m not alone on this journey. Many others walk a similar path.

Sharing our stories is an effective way to add support to our fellow travelers.

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I will admit this started with a light heart but didn’t end that way. That’s not a bad thing. Honesty is the good thing.

Story prompt – Valentine

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Today’s story prompt … Valentine

What’s the first thing to pop into your head?

Bah-Humbug!

Just call me Ms Scrooge.

It’s true. I read romance novels, lots of them. I read them, enjoy them, and don’t believe a word they say.

Fairy tales, I tell you.

Ok. So I will admit, there are some people out there who truly do know how to love honestly and well. I will admit there are some but my head says they are few and far between.

I still say – Bah Humbug! And no ghost is going to be changing my mind!

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Story Prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings

Thoughts running through my mind.

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There is one thought running through my mind at this moment. It’s not new, I’ve been visiting variations of this thought off and on for awhile now. This morning it took a different turn and I feel like I need to explore it.

I’ve been judiciously watching many news type podcasts lately. Judiciously, because my mental and emotional health is in trouble if I don’t.

With limited exposure I can’t be quoted on who thinks what or what they plan to do about it if they think it. I am no expert on any of it.

I hear snippets. That’s kind of what started my thinking this morning. Putting two and two together, forming an idea. My idea.

The world is a complicated place, always has been. We think a certain action will gain a certain result but it never holds true with humans. For every expected reaction it is possible there will be an unexpected reaction. Maybe not in equal number as, hopefully, good reactions will outweigh the not-so-good ones. Besides, in the course of your lifetime have you ever seen unanimous agreement happen more than once or twice? Never is more likely.

I’m saying all this to acknowledge the exceptions. What makes one person strong destroys another and it hurts when things go badly.

So, getting back to my original train of thought.

The last few days I’ve heard news people using the term Reset. A Global Reset. I didn’t stick around long enough to hear much but I can imagine what they were thinking and planning. My whole life, I have been hearing about one world government and it is a scary thought. It always sounded like the forces wanting to form this government did not have our best interests at heart. It was all about need for power.

At the beginning of the covid pandemic, watching the way life was changing for all of us, I was thinking reset too. I wasn’t alone with this observation, I’ve heard many others express the same idea.

As a society, life has been easy for us in so many ways and we have become used to taking it for granted, that’s one part.

The other part is disconnectedness. Electronic devices, and all facets of them, have consumed us and our time. We have become isolated from one another in real time. We share physical spaces, yet we are like ships passing in the night. Each living a life in solitary.

Covid has changed all of this. Isolation of a different sort has forced us together for prolonged periods of time. We are discovering in-person relationships, some for the first time. Most, but not all, are thriving and life is enriched with good experiences, making new memories and connections to last a lifetime.

Then there is the hardship of restrictions and the downturn on the economic side. We’ve lost many of the things we took for granted. It’s been a year and life does not look like it will be going back to normal anytime soon. In fact whatever it goes back to is guaranteed to look quite different after all this time. Necessity with all it’s changes will have made going back impossible.

Considering all of this, I view reset as involving our priorities, values, and connections. And it would be a good thing. I think we will be a stronger people for having survived this storm. We will develop a protective awareness we didn’t have before. We were caught by surprise with covid but we won’t be as unaware as we would have been, if it happened again.

If it turns out the World Reset attempt is a reality we will be better equipped to survive, having lived through the personal reset. And if the World Reset never comes, we will still be in a better position to thrive and survive life in general.

In the end, I think the most important reset will be personal. There is no denying … we are already a much stronger people because of it. It’s not over yet, just think of where we will be, strength-wise, a year from now.

This is what I’m thinking today.

As I reach this point in the discussion I find this thought pattern gives me hope.

I’m also pretty sure this won’t be the last time I think about all this.

Story prompt – Compliment

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I must compliment you both. It’s inspiring the way you complement one another.

Compliments are amazing things, often underestimated, I think.

It seems, if some of the stories I’ve read are to be believed, there are segments of society reluctant to give compliments because they are thought to encourage pride. Then there are other segments who are just plain mean and abusive. Not only do they not give compliments, they pile on the insults.

I love stories where a kind heart recognizes worth and goes to great lengths to promote healthy self-esteem in the down trodden.

There is a popular old story I’ve never forgotten. A young farmer was looking for a wife. He picked a young woman, shy and insecure, with literally no marriage prospects. The village people could not understand his choice, in their estimation she had nothing to offer as a farmer’s wife.

The going bride price was two cows. He chose to pay double that. Four cows was unheard of, never mind for a wife with so few talents to recommend her.

He took her home, treated her like a precious treasure and over time she blossomed to became all he knew she could be.

Compliments are powerful and for us to blossom we need them as much as we need food and water. At least that’s what I think.

Then there is complement. (to make complete)

How many stories have I read lately where the author pairs characters because they complement each other. The restaurant owner who is an awesome chef and a hopeless bookkeeper. The female ranch owner struggling with endless heavy chores requiring a man’s strength. Or even the one tasked with jobs requiring two or more people to meet deadlines. How many of us would kill ourselves trying before we would ever reach out.

It’s not easy admitting we need help. I know I struggle with that. Last summer I chose to fight to prune small trees myself rather than ask. My neighbor who is taller, heavier, stronger, (never mind younger) would have gladly helped.

In stories there is often a stubborn character who will not ask or even allow someone to help. Of course, one of the requirements of a good novel is tension and stubborn provides that in spades. By the end, though, they are working together and life is rosy.

It happens that way in real life too if we let it. We’re better together. Especially when our talents complement one another.

I like these two words.

The same only different.

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Story Prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings