Year: 2021

A little of this, a little of that October 30, 2021

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This blog is supposed to be about books but my mind has definitely not been in that space these days. I still read, but not as much, and I still look for interesting books, but my mind is definitely not in it.

Today, I’ve been trying to land in a lighter place to share a less intense moment with you, in place of books.

In that regard, I do have pictures of a pair of large plants in my living room, one is blooming again for the third time.

The other one has been slower to decide if it wanted to bloom at all but looks to have made the choice. The buds are just beginning to come out. Out to the left in the second picture in case you are having trouble finding them.

They are so pretty, it’s a shame I’m allergic to them.

The slower plant doesn’t get as much light but makes a decent showing anyway.

(The camera doesn’t do a good job of showing true colors. Probably my fault. It really is not this dark and I don’t know how to fix it. Oh well, at least I have pictures lol)

I try to keep them around until I can’t handle it any more and then cut off the bloom stems.

So far so good. They have escaped with their life intact.

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I’ve been in some intense conversations over the last while and it is not easy to shift gears and move on to lighter things.

The good thing about all this, though, is the progress I’m making in sorting through some of my old baggage.

There is something about saying things out loud to another person that puts a different spin on things.

I’ve heard my comedian/singer friend Mark Lowry say after he spouted out some ridiculous stuff – well, it made sense in my head.

I know what he means. Sometimes things we’ve believed or felt don’t hold up to scrutiny when sent out into the world and perspective changes to something better.

I’m happy when this happens. It usually means a move forward.

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So that’s my day. No new books that I’ve seen so far.

There will probably be more installments in the intense but profitable conversation.

And I have a list of Saturday chores that I may or may not get done. We’ll see how it goes.

I’m getting close to finishing the current read and it will be a chore to decide what should be next. There are way too many to choose from.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Happy reading…

… on this pre-winter day that can’t decide whether it wants to be cloudy or sunny.

Currently reading a mystery October 29, 2021

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I’m currently reading the new Christy Barritt book in the Salt Water Cowboys series. It has a interesting twist not seen in any other book I’ve read thus far. I wonder how they are going to get out of this situation. Of course we know they will because it’s still the beginning of the book and they are the main characters after all.

Unwavering Security (Saltwater Cowboys Book 6) 

Her plain Jane past still plays on her insecurities. His betrayal at the hands of someone he trusted leaves him on edge. Can they overcome their pasts and rely on each other when danger closes in?

Thaddeus Blackwell and Miranda Stewart have one common goal. As best man and maid of honor, it’s their duty to make sure Grant Matthews’ and Abigail Ferguson’s big day goes off without a hitch. However, after a fantastic first date several months ago, things went downhill and are now awkward, at best, between Thaddeus and Miranda.

Both were hoping to avoid each other except when absolutely necessary. But things don’t go as planned when the Texas FBI agent and New York City reporter literally fall into danger. What they uncover turns their plans upside down.

Now they’re not just helping with the wedding, but they’re trying to stay alive. Can Thaddeus offer Miranda the safety and security she craves? Or is he like every other man in Miranda’s life? Someone may silence both of them before they can find out.

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Check it out, it should be fun. Although there is a dead body, so maybe not so much.

Happy Reading y’all

Free and bargain books October 28, 2021

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BookBub has a FREE suggestions for us.

Dillon (Circle A Cowboys Book 1)

Maude’s husband, John, had been injured and she desperately needed some cowboys to work the ranch. She found Dillon down on his luck and gave him, and five other young men, a home and trains them. Seven years later she is set on finding brides for all of the young men. Dillon’s not interested. He was robbed of everything by Slick McCall—someone he trusted. A girl he loved has also treated him poorly. He doesn’t intend to open his heart to anyone. His plan is to stay right there on the ranch and take care of Maude and John.

Abigail has been duped by a slick-talking charmer and is now expecting a baby with no ring on her finger. Posing as a widow, she flees west, intending to start over and create a new life for herself and her unborn baby. However she arrives at Logan Crossing and discovers her money is missing—stolen. She has nothing. Maude offers her a job on the ranch, thinking this pretty young widow will be suitable for one of the boys.

Slick McCall was the man who sweet talked her into making Abby’s baby. She was prepared to tell Dillon the truth about being an unwed mother but hearing his words makes her realize she must guard her secret.

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A suggestion from 1531 Entertainment.

Running With The Wind: A tale of courage, love and survival aboard the Mayflower (The Mayflower Collection Book 1)

Jedediah Trelawney joins a small, overcrowded ship bound for America. A young man from a privileged background, he struggles to adapt to life at sea. Determined to earn the respect of his fellow passengers, he undertakes arduous tasks alongside the crew, but Jed is not cut out for the life of a sailor.

Sickness is rife aboard the Mayflower. Inspired by Samuel Fuller, a self-taught physician, Jed develops a fascination with the healing arts. He thrives as Doctor Fuller’s apprentice and challenges traditional ideas, seeking kinder methods for treating the sick.

Smitten by Desire Minter, Jed dreams of a future as a respected colony physician with Desire as his wife. Hostile passenger, John Billington, has other ideas. When Billington threatens to reveal Jed’s past, Jed becomes the victim of bullying and bribery. Somehow, Jed must silence Billington for good, or risk losing everything — including his life.

A page-turning tale about ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances.

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Happy Reading …

On this cloudy but not terribly cold day at the end of October.

C-PTSD conversation October 28, 2021

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Walls or Boundaries?

This week I have been thinking about walls.

The emotional walls many of us put up to protect ourselves from hurt (emotional) or harm (physical).

The trouble with those walls – they don’t just keep out the bad stuff, they keep out the good stuff too.

Some of us have flimsy walls that go up and down, depending on what life is doing to us in the moment.

Others have walls that have grown in thickness and height enough to compare with Fort Knox. That’s the famous institution where the USA keeps it’s gold bullion. The ultimate in fortress walls.

The thicker and higher, the harder it is to bring them down, never mind let someone in for a moment. A very lonely life.

At this stage for me, I have walls that go up and down. They are mostly down but there are still circumstances where I feel threatened, at risk, distrustful, and the walls go up.

A small percentage of the time they may be warranted but the rest of the time the threat I perceive is not real.

I’ve being trying to find a solution, a way to handle triggers and paranoia in certain circumstances and that led me to thinking about boundaries.

The beauty of boundaries is the height. They can be markings on the road, they can be curbs, guardrails, fences. They are usually something that allows for communication and interaction while still acting as a barrier.

I think changing from walls to boundaries will take some serious consideration. A change in mindset.

I haven’t figured it all out yet. How to establish something appropriate and workable. Since we don’t actually have physical boundaries it has to be something that can be expressed in words. Something I can live with and put into practice.

Mostly I feel uncomfortable in public spaces. It will be a challenge to find ways to make that work. What would it take to make me feel safe.

At this point I have no idea what that would even look like but I’m willing to consider it.

Mainly because walls are not working out all that well for me, wanting to leave isolation behind.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

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This is a book I’ve had on my shelf for a very long time. I think I need to read it again. Maybe it will give me some good ideas.

Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries is the book that’s helped over 4 million people learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of their lives.

Does your life feel like it’s out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone’s requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others’ feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you’ve forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it’s all of the above.

In the New York Times bestseller, Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life and set healthy, biblical boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself.

Now updated and expanded for the digital age, this book continues to help millions of people around the world answer these tough questions:

  • Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
  • What are legitimate boundaries?
  • How do I effectively manage my digital life so that it doesn’t control me?
  • What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
  • How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
  • Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
  • How do boundaries relate to mutual submission within marriage?
  • Aren’t boundaries selfish?

Bargain books October 27, 2021

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1531 Entertainment has several suggestions for us.

Don’t Leave Me: A sweet, faith-filled second chances romance at Christmas

Can two people with wounded souls and secrets in their past find love during the most wonderful time of the year?

A DNA match leads Lara Margulis to a small coastal town in search of her father weeks before Christmas. She surprises herself by buying a beach house in need of repairs that reminds her of her childhood home. As an elite fitness trainer, she travels to her clients’ locations and never stays in one place for long. Can her handsome neighbor finally bring home to her heart?

After a tragic loss, Jason Carrington became a hermit. But when his lovely new neighbor needs his help with repairs, he finds himself spending a lot of time with her and gradually falling for her. However, she doesn’t intend to stay—or open herself for love. Will the truth behind her secret bring them closer—or tear them apart?

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A Christmas by the Sea: A Christmas Novella

When Wendy Harper inherits her family’s beachside cottage in Seaside, Maine, she sees it as a way to finally pay off the debts that have mounted since her husband died. But before it can be sold, the neglected property must be renovated. She and her 12-year-old son Jackson move in–temporarily, she reminds him–in order to do the work themselves, even though Christmas is coming.

The charming town, along with local craftsman Caleb Colton, pulls on both Wendy and Jackson, who even registers himself for school in a bid to get his mom to move them there permanently. Wendy knows that the most responsible thing to do is to sell the cottage and return to Ohio, but the lure of the sea is hard to resist.

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I haven’t done much reading today. I’ve been busy responding to a rather deep conversation that has spanned most of the day, off and on.

It has been rather nice, the novelty of someone to talk to.

Maybe reading will happen tomorrow.

In the meantime…

Happy Reading!

Current read October 26, 2021

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Not much to share in the way of new books today. Well, it’s closer to nothing to share, to be honest.

There were a few suggestions but they were all recent acquisitions so no need to share them here again.

There was one completed read but I flipped through it to the end and only gave it three stars. It was not worth mentioning, in my mind anyway.

Finally, there is a book worth mentioning. It is a three book collection, I’m on book 1 and quite enjoying it.

A Taking Chances Christmas 

Dreaming of More

One girl, one problem, and two possible solutions.

An orphan herself, all Norah Monroe wants to do is adopt three kids from the Stanthorpe Children’s Home, giving them the home she never had.

Head of the adoption board, Octavia Stanthorpe, driven by her own self-importance and prejudice, is determined to rid the town of riffraff like those Monroes. Her solution? To dust off an outdated and long forgotten rule stating all adopters must be married…and Norah is not married.

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It looks like I’m going to have to read all three books to find out who got the girl.

It’s only the end of October and already we have been having heavy frost. Winter seems to be arriving early this year. It will soon be time to break out the long-johns.

I don’t mind, I like being warm.

Happy reading, and stay warm.

Unless you are in Florida or south of the equator, in which case we would have to say, stay cool.

Free and bargain books October 25, 2021

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BookRunes has a FREE suggestion for us, This is an author new to me and when I checked out her other books I found a second one free. I figured why not so we’ll go for both of them.

Way of the Raven

Two Converging Paths…NYC editor David Wappelhorst has everything going for him except what he’s wanted in life. Concerned he’s waited too long to pursue his dream of writing a bestseller, he ditches his prestigious career and relocates to his hometown.

After witnessing a murder and given a new identity, Megan Summers finds herself in a Podunk Pennsylvanian town far away from family. Stunned with grief, she wonders if it’s possible to rebuild her life. A nearby abandoned brick house with a grim history lends more unease to her situation. Has she escaped one deadly past to live in the shadow of another?

David is intrigued by crossing Megan’s path. Why does she seem familiar? And by meeting her has his desire turned tragically unattainable?

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Rafe’s Cafe

Rafé always thinks of fall in a strange, sweet way. That’s when he met Patty.

With a flair for retro style and a feisty pet ferret, Rafé Sinclair is not the ordinary pizza chef of the 1990s. Although he enjoys hard work, nothing in his life has ever gone right. The dream of having his own café has vanished, and love has passed him by. When a friend sets up a blind date, he’s not sure what to expect. Is his life finally taking a turn for the best?

Running from a painful past, cute Goth Patty Blackford is matched to an unlikely suitor. Possibly he will be entertainment for several months or more. She will win his love with the intent of breaking his heart. Then she can fully receive the compensation the male gender owes her and rebuild her life.

Everything is looking up for Rafé and Patty. What could possibly go wrong?

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1531 Entertainment has several collections we might like.

A Taking Chances Christmas 

Synopsis for the first book.

One girl, one problem, and two possible solutions.

An orphan herself, all Norah Monroe wants to do is adopt three kids from the Stanthorpe Children’s Home, giving them the home she never had.

Head of the adoption board, Octavia Stanthorpe, driven by her own self-importance and prejudice, is determined to rid the town of riffraff like those Monroes. Her solution? To dust off an outdated and long forgotten rule stating all adopters must be married…and Norah is not married.

Therefore… “Application denied.”

Enter Thad Davis, the town doctor, and Clay Barrett, a local rancher. One offers a marriage of convenience and a guaranteed solution to the adoption issue. The other offers the chance to fall in love with no guarantees at all. Supported by her brother, Norah needs to figure out what she’s going to do now.

If that wasn’t tricky enough, it’s early December and she has until the new year to do it. Will she run out and do something stupid or will she trust in the LORD forever?

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Faith & Family Christmas Collection (20 Book Box Set)

Take courage this Christmas and join these brave women as they leave behind all they know for a new life out west.

In these delightful stories, the magic and hope of Christmas are never far away. Love will always find a way to melt even the coldest of hearts.

This collection of clean festive stories reminds us that there is nothing more important than family and faith at Christmas.

The box set contains these stories:

Finding Christmas
The Christmas Journey
Christmas Memories
Finding Faith at Christmas
Christmas Secrets
Her Christmas Joy
Christmas Miracles
The Christmas Bride
The Christmas Delivery
A Christmas Hope
The Christmas Gift
The Bride’s Christmas Blessing
The Two Christmas Gifts
The Christmas Choice
The Christmas Grieving
Finding A Family at Christmas
A Christmas Story of Two Sisters
Kitty’s First Christmas
A Cowboy’s Christmas Carol
The Christmas Heart

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Hopefully there will be something here you like.

Happy Reading!

Read and enjoyed October 24, 2021

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I have a few read-and-enjoyed books to share. There was a nice variety this time and several were a fun experience, Archer and Ready to Fumble in particular.

I’m between books and two are looking attractive as my next read. It will be a challenge to settle on one.

It’s been an interesting day. Nothing went as expected but still it was a very good day.

I’m off to decide on the next read. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Happy Reading.

Free and bargain books October 23, 2021

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This is a slow book day but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We’ve had quite a few books already this week and slow will give us a chance to catch up so we’ll be ready for more next week.

BookBub has a bargain suggestion for us. We’ve seen a number of books from this author in the last year or two.

Honoring Lena: A Sweet Romantic Suspense (Stryker Security Force Book 7)

She wants her fiancé’s betrayers found. He yearns to fix a horrible mistake. When tensions explode, will they find an ally in each other or an enemy?

Lena Rebel’s heart bled out when her military mission went south and her fiancé never made it home alive.
Two years later, she still struggles between her drive to gain justice for his death and the potential for healing she’s found in the Stryker Security Force. When her next protection assignment has her acting as nanny, her patience and resolve is tested.

Marshall Rand’s entire existence revolves around redeeming the one decision that cost him everything.
After finding out his wife was used and murdered to manipulate his vote in Congress, Marshall spends his energy doing everything he can to support the military that he failed. When his son’s life is threatened and he needs covert help, he calls the best security team he knows.

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I’m currently reading an interesting book that doesn’t qualify as a feel-good read. It’s more like real and raw. Not raw in a bad way, just slightly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is good.

Tea for Three: A heartwarming story about life, love, and true friendship (A Mulberry Lane Novel Book 1)

Three women. Three cups of tea. Three new beginnings.
Sarah Gardner’s husband went to sleep one night in November and never woke up. At forty-years-old, the new widow is left to care for their three children, all of whom are under the age of five.

Twenty-five-year-old Filipina, Kate Morgan, thought she had met the man of her dreams during what was a perfect summer vacation. Now married to the handsome American who had swept her off her feet, and over 8000 miles away from home, Kate soon realizes that her mother was right: vacations end and people change.

Louise Delaney couldn’t ask for anything more. At fifty-nine, she had enjoyed almost four decades of blissful marriage to Warren–may his soul rest in peace. But Louise’s seemingly perfect world is upended when she gets a visit from a sixteen-year-old who says she is Warren’s daughter.

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Winter is setting in y’all. The furnace is kicking in often, something we haven’t heard in quite a while.

Have a great weekend and …

Happy Reading.

C-PTSD conversation October 22, 2021

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FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness, or the lack of it, is a roadblock to a peaceful life, unforgiveness impacts the victim’s life more than it does the abuser’s. The abuser does not deserve to be forgiven and probably doesn’t even care about having it one way or the other.

There is a full spectrum of emotions to be had as a result of holding on to hurt. At one end – I hate him and will never forgive him (or her,) at the other end – I know I need to forgive and I want to but I keep taking it back. The level of peace or distress we have depends on which end of the spectrum we fall on.

Unforgiveness can act like a cancer. The harder we hang on to it the more it takes over our life. Bitterness and a host of other emotions can take root and grow to gigantic proportions. There is no peace to be had if that happens.

I guess if we have been severely abused and feel dispassionate about everything we don’t have raging emotions to deal with and we can live what appears to be a normal happy life. But sooner or later something will trigger a reaction, maybe even something gigantic. That’s me and my life.

It has taken many decades but I have forgiven my dad.

His abuse took on many forms. It started a few weeks after conception, rage at imminent and unwanted fatherhood. All of the years long abuse was fueled by rage, addictions, and immaturity. He wasn’t my only abuser, he allowed others access when it suited him. I can figure out about 6 of them, including a pedophile, but there is a knowing that I can’t escape, even though I want to, there were more, maybe even many more. You can see why all my memories have been repressed. There are a few vague memories, puzzling thought patterns, and many triggers, all leaving clues. And then a brother who insisted I admit I was abused.

You can also understand why, when I was 18 and he was found dead, I was glad, relieved.

After many decades I have forgiven my dad and the changes in my emotional well being have been dramatic. I’m grateful.

There were other significant abusers though and the forgiveness process for them is still ongoing, with no end in sight. I haven’t been able to forgive yet but at the same time I choose not to hate. That in itself has made life a better place for me.

They say that the abused often choose a spouse similar to their abuser. In my case he was nothing like my dad and I thought I had done well.

Dad’s abuse loomed large and took over the whole conversation. It took decades to figure out what was going on with these other two relationships. Emotional abuse is difficult to identify even though the damage is greater.

Emotionally unavailable was the problem. It manifests itself in a number of different ways, all of them hurtful. Physical abuse, I could have said I’m done. But in this case I couldn’t see any workable way to deal with the problem.

Inability to name the issues responsible added a whole new layer of hurt, in both relationships.

Eventually I knew I had to take the bull by the horns and force some sort of decision. We’ve been living apart for nearly two decades. The most distressing and ongoing issue was I still couldn’t figure out why. I needed to understand.

I’ve been praying about forgiveness toward him for years and gotten nowhere.

The other morning was a breakthrough moment for me. In a moment of clarity I suddenly recognized that the parent I patterned a spouse after was not my dad but my mother.

I married a man like my mother.

That thought made so much sense, it was like chains falling off. It’s that simple and I don’t need to figure anything else out.

There is still a long way to go but I don’t think it will take decades now. There is freedom in forgiveness and that will be enough when it comes.

I’m still praying though, because I still need help.

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Photo by Ashithosh U on Pexels.com

What I wish I could have had.