This will be short but at least it’s something and that’s what I’m aiming for after all.
I’m currently reading and very much enjoying a collection with authors mostly unknown to me.
Adventure Brides
I’ll skip the synopsis this time and just say that adventure has been a good description of the stories so far. I’ve finished the first two and I’m about to start the third. It’s too early to tell but it’s off to a good start.
*********
Podcasts. It turns out I collect them like I collect books. My subscribed list is longer today than it was yesterday.
Jordan B Peterson. I’ve listened to and enjoyed interviews with him on other podcasts but yesterday, I discovered lovely long interviews on his podcast. Last night I binged. One interview was an hour and a half long, the second was over two hours.
I like him because he is thoughtful and deep. He doesn’t hold a lot of preconceived ideas and he is not looking for confirmation of his point of view. He comes from an academic background and his mind works in a way that mine does not. Still, while I don’t always understand the point he’s making and how he got there, I’m soaking up the experience. His open mind, thoughtful consideration, and courtesy toward ideas he disagrees with is refreshing and it challenges my mind to move beyond it’s current boundaries. There is a much larger world out there to be explored.
The other thing I like about him is his choice of guests. They are also thinkers who can match him in thoughtful dialogue. It’s a discussion not a debate. It’s a sharing of ideas and I love it.
To find him search Jordan B Peterson on YouTube or even do an internet search for his website. He can be found on many platforms.
*******
I am enjoying this space, reflecting on last night’s experience.
I’ll reserve changing the subject for another post.
This is a question I ask myself often. Starting as a young adult. I had taken a serious position on something and later discovered I was wrong. I soon discovered I wasn’t a big fan of eating crow.
It’s easy to be swayed by opinions or appearances. The question is: are there any facts to back up these conclusions.
Recently I watched an interesting interview and in the middle of it the guest expressed strong negative opinions about a respected and popular podcaster. In the guest’s opinion the person in question was part of cancel culture.
In a way I can see how he could draw this conclusion but it troubles me deeply because I’m not sure it’s true. I’ve heard strong opinions in the podcasts and I don’t always agree with his way of thinking but nothing so far has proven to me that the podcast host cancels people. The guest’s opinion, though, has raised doubt in my mind and I wish I could know for sure.
The guest has had a troubled life in many ways and his opinion could be colored by personal angst. Offence taken where none was intended. There is that to consider.
Some things we can never be sure about but other times, with a little digging, we can be sure.
Another news item heard on line was reporting the results of a poll. In the political arena the question was do you think this man can do a better job than his opponent? The numbers showed the answer was yes. I admit to being shocked.
Ironically, I had seen a number of interviews with the favored personality and he did not do well at convincing anyone of his ability to handle the position. I wanted to ask the polled respondents are you sure about that? It was obvious they hadn’t done their homework.
Our culture seems to run on opinions and appearances. The thing is, we can look good on the surface but sometimes good ends there.
In the Bible it talks about not judging lest we be judged. The connotation usually is that we should avoid negative judgment. I heard someone talk about this verse not long ago and they pointed out that while we shouldn’t judge people as bad we also should not judge them as good. We can be just as wrong either way. It’s true, when I think about it for very long.
In the last year, for some of us, our world was rocked when terrible allegations were leveled against a popular and beloved public figure. Those closest to him rose fiercely to his defense. The problem with all of this was that the unthinkable allegations were true. There was irrefutable evidence. Those closest to him could have clung to their perceptions and opinions but they didn’t. Instead they mounted an investigation to find the truth and when they found it they owned it.
Opinions and impressions are based in emotion. Emotion, while an essential part of life, can get things so wrong. Provable facts are like bedrock.
These days it seems most of us are happy to accept as fact whatever we are being told. It takes time and energy to answer the question.
BookBub has a bargain suggestion for us today, one I’ve not read yet..
The Invitation (Mustard Seed Series Book 1)
Amazon quote:
God can use ordinary people in extraordinary ways.
A TV news producer., a housewife and mother of two, an ex-governor, and a struggling writer. Four ordinary people with little in common other than a vague dissatisfaction with their lives, and an unpretentious invitation that seems to come out of nowhere.
Each dismisses the mysterious invitation as a practical joke. But when strange—some might even call them miraculous—things start happening, all four find themselves embarking on a journey that takes them beyond their wildest imaginings and tests their faith to the breaking point. Before it’s over, each discovers that, with God, nothing is impossible. Faith can move mountains if you open your heart to the One who has called you.
*****************************
LPC Books has a FREE suggestion for us
A Season to Dance
Everyone has a dream. A passion. You work hard, you get there. Right? But what if you don’t get there? Despair? It happens… Then what? Give up? Try harder? What if all this time, you’ve been going after the wrong dreams? What if the best part of life hasn’t even started?
Ana Brassfield tries everything to be happy. An important career. A dream of dancing. A famous boyfriend. A move overseas. But all she experiences is a series of almost successes with a side of heartbreak. Then when she hits rock bottom, a stranger opens an unexpected door. Could she change her whole life? Should she? Or would this be another mistake in a life defined by rushed decisions and wrong turns?
A Season to Dance is a journey. From hard to better. From striving to being.
Today’s edition of a little more of this and that.
A couple of thoughts have been rolling around in my head, provoking me for the last few days. Both of them raised in books I’ve been reading this week, and they aren’t letting go.
The loudest thought was expressed by a character in Charles Martin’s Water Keeper. A young woman exposed to drugs had been through rehabilitation a number of times and knew what was in store. Not fun. This time, because of a severe injury she was addicted to opioid pain killers and was desperate to find some way to make withdrawal survivable. Many years after the fact she shared with a friend how she did it.
She had become addicted to a new book series and as a distraction spent her time reading, desperately by the sounds of it. By the time she was past withdrawal she had re-read the first three books. in the series… twenty seven times.
I guess when she was finished she would just start all over again. In the end they were what helped keep her sanity.
That’s an amazing concept and I can totally see it working. It wouldn’t be easy, or a miraculous quick fix, but it could work.
Reading is my pain killer of choice, too, if I’m honest about why I read. That’s why I’m always on the look out for stories with the ability to transport me to another place. Whatever I’m struggling with is often forgotten, or at very least, in the rear view mirror, by the time the story I’m vicariously living is done.
********
The next expressed thought to grab my attention will be with me for a very long time to come, I think. Probably because it is touching me on a deeply personal level.
I don’t remember which book I was reading but I remember the experience of those words.
One of the characters had an aging parent with dementia. As the disease progressed there was an ever increasing issue with displays of anger and it was causing problems in the care facility. They were threatening to expel the patient if the threat to other patients and staff couldn’t be addressed.
Discussing the issue with her friend, she couldn’t understand how a gentle loving man had become this difficult person.
Here’s the thought that arrested me. It’s not a direct quote, it’s what I can remember of the interaction.
All our lives we were taught manners and self-restraint. We could be angry with someone but it would be impolite to express the way we felt and so we were gracious.
When we fall into dementia those learned filters are no longer in place and unresolved anger comes out freely.
This is distressing food for thought, I don’t want to be that angry person if I fall into dementia. For now my filters are firmly in place and there are no temper flare ups, with people.
With inanimate objects it’s another story. Like with tangled hangers in the closet or with plants catching at my rake as I’m trying to gather up fallen leaves. The rage always surprises me and I am worried about where it’s coming from.
I can’t remember enough of the buried details of my abusive early life to have a meaningful conversation with a counselor, at least that is my opinion. On the other hand the root of this anger would be a good reason for a discussion with someone, while I still have filters.
******************
So those are the thoughts rolling around in my head these days.
There is an idea from a third book giving me pause but I’ll save that for another day.
**********
Our cold weather has become more than warm in the last few days. It was 27c yesterday and is supposed to reach 30c today.
Everything is growing like crazy. Tree leaves have been popping out fast enough to make my head spin. We are loving it.
BookBub has a suggestion for us with one of our favorite authors.
Never Forget the Past: A Clean Romantic Suspense (The Men of Fire Beach Book 3)
Amazon quote:
Could you let your family believe you were dead if you thought it was the only way to save them?
Five years ago, Billy “Bubba” Campbell had a different name, but after narrowly escaping an attempt on his life, he fakes his death and leaves town to keep his family safe. He’s adjusted to life in Fire Beach, but when Makenna re-enters his life, he is forced to make a gut-wrenching decision: Continue living his lie or return to his hometown to help her catch the killer.
Captain Makenna Drake believed she was saving Matt Fisher’s life when she convinced him to leave his life behind, but now the fires have started again. As the only victim to survive, she hopes seeing Matt will fluster the killer enough to make a mistake. But can she protect him this time or will the killer finish the job started five years ago?
**************************
This next book was suggested yesterday and the suggester’s name escapes me. It’s definitely still a bargain.
Flying Fossils (Women of Fossil Ridge Book 1)
Amazon quote:
“Some women play bingo and go quietly into the night. My mother steals cars and breaks out of Alzheimer’s units.”
From USA TODAY bestselling Author Lynne Gentry comes this heartwarming peek inside a mother/daughter relationship turned upside down.
My aging mother is proof that not every southern woman is sweet tea and sympathy. Momma can’t remember which road to take when she has to drive from her ranch to the small town where she grew up. But she can recount every detail of the day I broke her heart. Her inability to forgive me has made her as crusty as the tiny fossils that cover the river’s limestone bluffs. After wasting twenty-five years trying to chip away this hurt, I finally decided it was just easier to stay away.
Then Momma fell and broke her hip. I flew home to try to mend fences with her one more time. Her refusal to let me take her back to Washington DC to convalesce left me no choice but to leave her in an assisted living center in Texas. I regret telling her that I thought her memory lapses meant it was time to sell the ranch. The moment she was strong enough to manipulate her walker, she stole a car and broke out of rehab. Just to prove me wrong. Again.
Now Momma is missing and I’m sandwiched between two impossible choices: stay in DC with my troubled teenager or go to Texas to find my demented mother. Either way, I feel like I’ve already lost.
The story of the Slocum women is the story many of us are facing. Navigating the care of an aging parent while parenting our own children is never easy. Some days you just have to laugh to keep from crying.
This series serves up a generous helping of laughs and hope. It’s a touching addition to your collection of southern small-town, generational authors like Ann B. Ross, Jan Karon, and Beth Hoffman.
************************
Currently I’m reading and enjoying an author new to me, it is still a bargain and so are books 1 & 3 in the series. This is definitely holding my interest.
Every Secret Thing (Acts of Valor, Book 2): Romantic Suspense
Amazon quote:
Former NFL Player Turned Navy SEAL Battles Life and Death for Love and Justice in the Christian Romantic Suspense, Every Secret Thing, by Rebecca Hartt
–Present Day, Virginia Beach, Virginia–
Navy SEAL Lt. Lucas Strong isn’t about to let his platoon leader, Lt. Mills, go to prison for a crime he didn’t commit. It’s their retiring commander who should face court-martial for amassing stolen weapons. With the evidence proving the commander’s guilt destroyed, and every witness dead, Lucas must find his only remaining hope, Charlotte Patterson, a gutsy NCIS intern with a photographic memory–missing but believed alive.
*******************
Another interesting book showed up just when I thought I was done.
Copycat Killer (True Blue K-9 Unit: Brooklyn Book 1)
Amazon quote:
Murder strikes close to home for a new K-9 unit in Brooklyn
When a double homicide is strikingly familiar to a twenty-year-old cold case, Detective Nate Slater is rattled by the parallels. With a child as the only witness, he and his K-9 partner must protect little Lucy and her aunt, Willow Emery. Nate’s rough past means he always keeps an emotional distance…but in this case getting closer is the only way they’ll all survive.
*****************************
OK, I’m going to stop looking now.
If you have opinions on any of the authors shared here I would appreciate hearing about it. It would be help me make good choices, to know your likes and dislikes. I’m guessing on somethings and could be wrong. Please leave comments. Much appreciated.
Podcasts. They have captured my attention and it would be safe to say I have been binge-watching often lately. Tonight was no exception and this is where the one-thing-lead-to-another comes in. And, in the end it led to books. I think that is quite awesome.
It’s no secret that there is abuse in my background. I’ve talked about it sparingly along the way and by the looks of it, will be sharing again.
As is often the case, the interviewee on the podcast has recently come out with a new book. Out of the six excellent videos watched tonight, the one to capture my interest the most was a story similar to mine. The ending in relation to her marriage was better than mine, aside from that though, the content was definitely helpful. Spoiler alert… the issue in the marriage was pornography, highly addictive and destructive. At the end of this post I’ll share the link for the podcast. Here is the book…
Choosing a Way Out: When the Bottom Isn’t the Bottom
Amazon quote:
Was it all a lie?
When the author heard her husband’s confession, it took her breath away. Looking back she realized her husband’s sin exposed the deception in her own life. This uninvited crisis proved to be the impetus for her ultimate healing.
Kirsten writes that for most of her adult life she believed:
• She wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough.
• She wasn’t a good person. She was too stubborn, opinionated, and direct.
• She was a failure because she’d tried something bold and audacious and didn’t succeed like planned.
• She was invisible and forgettable.
In these pages, you’ll experience raw honesty and a clear path through the pain. You’ll realize that no depression is too dark and no lie too strong. Discover a powerful process where you exchange isolation for accountability and deception for deliverance. Today you can experience a way out, even in the bleakest of circumstances where the bottom doesn’t feel like the bottom. The truth is that God is greater than your pain.
*********************
There’s more.
In the suggestion strip at the bottom of the screen there was a book that appears to apply to me. The longer I looked at it, the more familiar it felt. I checked. I have two copies of it, gifted years ago by a concerned friend. I have read it and taken copious notes, it was that helpful. I have it but will tell you about it again anyway.
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Amazon quote:
For those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse and those who love and care for them, The Wounded Heart offers a tender, compassionate window into the psychological effects of abuse and the theological foundations for healing.
Thirty years ago, with great courage and vision, Dan Allender brought Christians to the table to acknowledge, understand, and help victims heal from their experience of the evil of sexual abuse. His work continues to help victims and those who love them to honestly acknowledge their abuse, understand the unique challenge of repentance for victims of abuse, and learn to love boldly in defiance of their trauma. Ultimately Dan offers the bold assurance to sexual abuse victims that even they can find their way to joy and hope in the comforting embrace of a good God.
The Wounded Heart has sold over 400,000 copies and has been the first book family, friends, counselors, pastors, and victims have turned to in search of Christian answers to the calamity of sexual abuse. With a new introduction reflecting on the ongoing importance of the book, and a companion workbook for personal and group recovery, The Wounded Heart continues to offer an urgently needed word of grace in a world ravaged by sexual abuse.
**********************
So, further investigation led me to a newer book that I think is an updated version of The Wounded Heart. I think I need to read this one too.
Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation
Amazon quote:
First published in 1989, Dan Allender’s The Wounded Heart has helped hundreds of thousands of people come to terms with sexual abuse in their past. Now, more than twenty-five years later, Allender has written a brand-new book on the subject that takes into account recent discoveries about the lasting physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual ramifications of sexual abuse.
With great compassion Allender offers hope for victims of rape, date rape, incest, molestation, sexting, sexual bullying, unwanted advances, pornography, and more, exposing the raw wounds that are left behind and clearing the path toward wholeness and healing. Never minimizing victims’ pain or offering pat spiritual answers that don’t truly address the problem, he instead calls evil evil and lights the way to renewed joy.
Counselors, pastors, and friends of those who have suffered sexual harm will find in this book the deep spiritual guidance they need to effectively minister to the sexually broken around them. Victims themselves will find here a sympathetic friend to walk alongside them on the road to healing.
**************************
One more for me from the suggestion strip.
For years I have been working on telling my story, looking for ways to express it more effectively. It’s important for several reasons. It’s therapeutic for me and affirming to those who hear it.
The percentages listed for those suffering as victims of abuse is high.
It looks like the numbers involved in addictions is even higher. Addicts leave victims, adding even more to the number of casualties. The importance of sharing our story is even greater now than it was when I started on this healing journey many years ago.
To Be Told: Know Your Story, Shape Your Future
Amazon quote:
God wants to reveal himself through your story. Discover how he has written your life so far, and how he is leading you into the rest of your story.
“This is a book worth reading. To make sense of your life. To discover the role God is giving you in his story.”—John Eldredge, bestselling author of Wild at Heart and Get Your Life Back
Everyone wants clearer guidance from God on what to do with their future. In this insightful book, therapist and professor Dan Allender shows you how to listen to the stories of your life and identify the themes that God has written there. As you begin to understand both the hope and the heartache, you will gain a clearer sense of the meaning that God has written into every detail of who you are. You’ll also see how he invites you to join him in coauthoring the rest of your story. God is your Author, and he is showing you how to follow him into the future.
**************************
In the above blurb the book Wild at Heart is mentioned. Excellent book. I have read my copy and highly recommend it. It’s written for men but gives helpful insight to the women in their lives.
Wild at Heart Expanded Edition: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul
Amazon quote:
God did not create men to be nice boys. He created us to live a life of passion, freedom and adventure. To be dangerous men living in a really big story.
God designed men to be powerful. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy: to be a hero, a warrior, to love a beauty, to live a life of adventure.
But sometime between boyhood and the struggles of yesterday, most men lose heart. All those passions, dreams, and desires get buried under deadlines, pressures, and disappointments. Christianity feels irrelevant to the recovery of their heart. No wonder most men leads lives of quiet resignation, meanwhile looking for a little “life” on the side. In this provocative book, Eldredge invites men to wholeheartedness by
recovering their true masculine hearts;
healing the wounds and trauma in their stories; and
delighting in the strength and wildness they were created to offer the world.
In this updated and expanded edition of the timeless, bestselling classic, John Eldredge calls men—and the women who love them—to discover the true secret of a man’s soul and embrace the danger, passion, and freedom God intended for every man.
**********************
I didn’t plan for this post to go so long but it’s all good stuff.
As promised, here is the link for the podcast that started this ball rolling for me. The interview was in two parts and it was the second that impacted me the most. They were both good though.
It would probably be a good idea to watch part one first to give you context. Due to the length of this post I won’t include the link but it will show up for you when this one is opened.
**************************
I hope this will be as helpful to you on your journey as it has been to me on mine.
No book suggestions so far this morning but I need to post. I’m falling down on keeping my daily post promise. and that is tragic.
I don’t have a book to talk about but I did watch a podcast yesterday that made a lot of sense to me. I’ve lived through stuff he’s talking about and know he’s on the right track. Government can never make things better for us. We have to take our lives into our own hands and work to make things better. My dad didn’t do it for himself (or us) but my brothers and I did. It hasn’t always been easy but life has been good to our families.
Enjoy this man’s wisdom and maybe I will have book things to say later on.
This is one of those just say something kind of days. You know, those days when it’s time to write a post and you have nothing.
So, this title is the thought that’s been rolling around in my head all day. It’s entirely true, and to my mind, it’s hilarious. I love a good play on words.
Probably the reason why this idea is lodged securely in my mind, like a silly song that stays with you all day, is because I lived it over the weekend.
Saturday afternoon was the time for our regular monthly writer’s group. We take turns chairing the meeting and February was supposed to be my turn. It’s bad enough when we meet in person and I can look around the table to see everyone; make it a Zoom meeting and it is confusing and worse. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do a good job and decided to look for a fill-in. I felt the group deserved to have a better experience than I could give them.
Some time after arranging my replacement I read and enjoyed a book featured in a previous blog post here. This added a new element to the meeting as I shared my enjoyment with the rest of the executive. With the help of several of our group members who knew her personally, I was able to contact the author. She would love to read an excerpt for us from her short story. Once this was all settled the agenda came out for the meeting and I was surprised to find I was still on it. In a smaller capacity but still. No one said a word, they just snuck it in there.
It all worked out ok. I was ready with my part mapped out in my head and it went smoothly. Probably because concern for my newly assigned task overshadowed every other worry.
In the end, I had the ability. It wasn’t like I couldn’t do it before but now I could.
The best way to describe why I couldn’t do it would be disability. Something crippling my ability
At this point I can hear one of our best writers saying “when you make statements like that I want to hear details”
I can tell you that I have complex PTSD from ongoing childhood abuse. It started before I was born and ended when I was twelve. I can’t give you details because I don’t have memories. They talk about abuse victims compartmentalizing as a coping mechanism. That’s what my mind did. Ninety-eight percent of my childhood memories are locked in a sealed vault and even though I’ve given myself permission to bring some of them out, for the most part, it’s not happening. I was describing it to my daughter the other day, It’s like watching a room with small windows… every now and then a shadow goes past. That’s the extent of it.
I’ve been in heavy denial about all of this for most of my life. Up until about fifteen years ago when one of my brothers insisted that I own it and admit the truth. This admission was the beginning of a new dimension in my healing journey
One discovery along the way was this: My disability comes not from memories but from triggers rising out of memories buried deep inside me. The deep place that will never forget.
In the past I refused to even think about the shadowy memories I did have.
It turned out there was a better way. I could stop and examine the shadows. Ask questions. Try to understand family dynamics and recognize what was behind abusive actions. There were many well-that-explains-a-lot moments once I allowed myself to question, to take a honest look.
So, I guess the question is, how does this affect my ability to do or not to do? It’s this way… my survival response is to shut down.
Freeze. Panic attacks.
I’ve had many theories about why this is.
A break through moment tells me it’s all about feeling safe.
Why don’t I feel safe? Honestly, aside from rooted in old memories, I have no idea.
I think it will take more than my lifetime to heal from this.
Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. At least I’m making progress.
Maybe can’t could even turn into can someday.
******************
One thing I know for sure, I’m not alone on this journey. Many others walk a similar path.
Sharing our stories is an effective way to add support to our fellow travelers.
******************
I will admit this started with a light heart but didn’t end that way. That’s not a bad thing. Honesty is the good thing.
There is one thought running through my mind at this moment. It’s not new, I’ve been visiting variations of this thought off and on for awhile now. This morning it took a different turn and I feel like I need to explore it.
I’ve been judiciously watching many news type podcasts lately. Judiciously, because my mental and emotional health is in trouble if I don’t.
With limited exposure I can’t be quoted on who thinks what or what they plan to do about it if they think it. I am no expert on any of it.
I hear snippets. That’s kind of what started my thinking this morning. Putting two and two together, forming an idea. My idea.
The world is a complicated place, always has been. We think a certain action will gain a certain result but it never holds true with humans. For every expected reaction it is possible there will be an unexpected reaction. Maybe not in equal number as, hopefully, good reactions will outweigh the not-so-good ones. Besides, in the course of your lifetime have you ever seen unanimous agreement happen more than once or twice? Never is more likely.
I’m saying all this to acknowledge the exceptions. What makes one person strong destroys another and it hurts when things go badly.
So, getting back to my original train of thought.
The last few days I’ve heard news people using the term Reset. A Global Reset. I didn’t stick around long enough to hear much but I can imagine what they were thinking and planning. My whole life, I have been hearing about one world government and it is a scary thought. It always sounded like the forces wanting to form this government did not have our best interests at heart. It was all about need for power.
At the beginning of the covid pandemic, watching the way life was changing for all of us, I was thinking reset too. I wasn’t alone with this observation, I’ve heard many others express the same idea.
As a society, life has been easy for us in so many ways and we have become used to taking it for granted, that’s one part.
The other part is disconnectedness. Electronic devices, and all facets of them, have consumed us and our time. We have become isolated from one another in real time. We share physical spaces, yet we are like ships passing in the night. Each living a life in solitary.
Covid has changed all of this. Isolation of a different sort has forced us together for prolonged periods of time. We are discovering in-person relationships, some for the first time. Most, but not all, are thriving and life is enriched with good experiences, making new memories and connections to last a lifetime.
Then there is the hardship of restrictions and the downturn on the economic side. We’ve lost many of the things we took for granted. It’s been a year and life does not look like it will be going back to normal anytime soon. In fact whatever it goes back to is guaranteed to look quite different after all this time. Necessity with all it’s changes will have made going back impossible.
Considering all of this, I view reset as involving our priorities, values, and connections. And it would be a good thing. I think we will be a stronger people for having survived this storm. We will develop a protective awareness we didn’t have before. We were caught by surprise with covid but we won’t be as unaware as we would have been, if it happened again.
If it turns out the World Reset attempt is a reality we will be better equipped to survive, having lived through the personal reset. And if the World Reset never comes, we will still be in a better position to thrive and survive life in general.
In the end, I think the most important reset will be personal. There is no denying … we are already a much stronger people because of it. It’s not over yet, just think of where we will be, strength-wise, a year from now.
This is what I’m thinking today.
As I reach this point in the discussion I find this thought pattern gives me hope.
I’m also pretty sure this won’t be the last time I think about all this.
I’m at a loss for words. After missing several days in my daily blog I need to find something to say. I’m feeling emotionally wrung out, maybe that’s why my mind is empty. I’ll just have to start and see what happens. It will surprise me as much as it will you, guaranteed. It’s funny how one thing leads to another and rabbit holes appear out of nowhere…
Today was the day for our monthly writers group Zoom call. Since I’m part of the executive there is always a feeling of self inflicted pressure to be a good participant not just a passive observer. As an introvert, fly-on-the-wall is where I would rather be. I was trying to be rested and relaxed ready for the camera but it wasn’t working out all that well for me. I started out stressed, like it or not.
Going into the week, I didn’t have an active part in the meeting. That all changed when the agenda came out and I found I was down for a book review. In the end we had more than enough readers (to share stories that would be critiqued) and there was no time for the my contribution. It didn’t get used but it was good writing practice, working on the review was not a total waste.
It’s funny how things happen sometimes. I had been thinking several days ago about my style of writing and the type of critique I would like to have. The thing is, I’m often not sure if what I have to say makes sense. Feedback would be helpful. I think I assume people know certain things already and tend to write in note form with little detail. My first clue I do this is when, days later, I read what I’ve written. Sometimes I have no idea what exactly I was getting at. So, going back to the most recent review I’d posted I found myself with a chance to work on making sense.
The review definitely needed to be reworked and expanded. It was a good exercise in figuring out how much extra detail needed to be included. I’ll try to do better the next time I write something like a review or thoughts (like now maybe.)
So, getting back to today’s Zoom meeting. It did the heart good to see everyone again even though we couldn’t be in the same room together. Five members read their stories, each one personal and unique.
They were all good but the one I appreciated most tore us all apart. It was a very raw and real sharing of a lengthy journey with parkinsons. What she has been through, and will continue to go through, is heartbreaking. Yet she has such a positive outlook on life. We could see it cost her dearly to be honest with us. We felt honored to be trusted enough for the privilege of hearing her story.
Today was a day we will not soon forget.
******************
I’m going to pick up a fast food hamburger and then the mail (it’s been several weeks and I need to get out.) When I come back I’ll see if this still makes sense to me.
******************
Well, I’ve made changes. I’m not sure it’s enough but time’s getting away on me. At least I’ve finished supper, washed the pile of dishes waiting for me and played a few games on the computer while I was thinking.
*****************
Tomorrow is story prompt day. The word is Resolution. Guess I’m not done thinking for the night quite yet.
For the Love of Books 