something to say

More helpful resources

/ For the Love of Books / 1 Comment

There can never be too much helpful information. Although it’s good to be thoughtful in deciding which topic, and when.

I like to chose authors carefully, not everyone sells us good information. Misguided ideas or misinformed authors can do more harm than good.

I find it’s also helpful if I pay attention to my needs when it comes to the topic of the book. I’m not always emotionally ready for some topics and it ends up being harmful. Timing is everything sometimes.

Reading slowly enough to allow meditation time has been helpful too. It’s a great way to increase the impact of the information on my life. The trouble with this though, I can’t plough my way through these books the way I normally like to. What’s the point of reading it if I can’t absorb enough to make a difference, so I slow down and enjoy the journey.

Anyway, tonight’s book was suggested by a friend who is aware of my current place on the road to wellness. She’s heard Grant Mullen speak and respects his authority to handle the subject. She thinks this is a book I will find helpful so I’m going to give it a shot. I don’t think I currently have any of his books in my library, this will be a new voice for me.

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Emotionally Free: A Prescription for Healing Body, Soul, and Spirit

Amazon quote:

Are you struggling to control your thoughts, moods, and emotions?
Are you tired of always living with a sense of spiritual defeat?

God wants us to be more than saved. He wants us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

Emotionally Free will show you how you can be transformed in body, soul, and spirit. You will discover a freedom you never knew was possible and reach a better understanding of how to resolve depression, anxiety, and mood swings. As a Christian mental health physician, Dr. Grant Mullen has observed the constant struggle that so many Christians live with every day. Many churches rarely acknowledge this struggle. Through patient interviews and his own journey, Dr. Mullen found three links in the chain of emotional bondage that keep Christians bound spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Emotionally Free describes those three links and how with God’s help we can be set free to live a transformed and victorious life.

Learn how to assess your thoughts, personality, and spirit. Emotionally Free puts an end to the unnecessary competition that has existed among psychiatry, counselors, and deliverance ministers. These are important complimentary ministries that we all need. This book explains the role of each and how to know when you need them. You will also learn how depression, anxiety, and mood swings affect Christians in a unique way, and you will be able to assess your own moods and determine if you need medical treatment. Reach a greater understanding of where your spiritual authority comes from and how to use it to set yourself and others free. No matter how suffocating your bondage is now, God is waiting and willing to set you free. Dr. Mullen clearly outlines steps to invite the Holy Spirit into the problem to heal and restore you. Discover a new freedom in your mind, attitudes, reactions, and relationships as you become Emotionally Free.

Dr. Grant Mullen is a mental health physician in Ontario, Canada. He writes and lectures internationally on how medical treatment, deliverance and the healing of our emotional wounds all work together to break the chains of emotional bondage. Dr. Mullen has a special interest in how depression, anxiety and mood disorders affect Christians. Grant is married to Kathy and they have two children.

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That’s it for tonight. Not much else happening.

Wishing you a peaceful, restful night.

Story prompt – Stick

/ For the Love of Books / 3 Comments

To be honest, I’m a little worried Aaron might stick it to me if I don’t get this done. I mean, I don’t think he’s vindictive or anything but you never know about some people, ya know?

The other thing I was a little worried about last night was opinion on how this piece should be done. In the end I decided Aaron may have strong opinions about some things, and I’m ok with that, but I’m going to stick to my guns and do this my way.

I wasn’t sure for a while if I’d have the stick-to-itiveness to stick with the program. It was pretty tempting to throw in the towel and say sorry Aaron, I just can’t do this. I mean I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday. What in the world is there to say about stick.

Things look a little better by the light of day, maybe I can stick it out and come up with something. I’ll be sure to let you know how that goes.

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They say you can tell things are done when they stick to the wall. I’m not sure but I think this could be done. Although, there is an inescapable niggling in the back of my mind. I’ve pretty sure I’ve missed some things.

This is a stick up.

Stick to the top of the blog (choice in settings lol)

Stick to your lane

Stick to my fingers

Sticky fingers (in more ways than one)

Help me out guys, what other good things have I missed?

Story prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings with Aaron over at peckapalooza The Confusing Middle

Say something, say anything March 24th

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This is one of those days, mind going a million miles an hour, with nothing coherent to say.

My thoughts are in problem solving mode. Scattered and busy, busy, busy. Reading is definitely out of the question when it gets like this.

Since I couldn’t settle down enough to read, it seemed like the next best thing was podcasts. Several of my favorites posted today. New material.

One of them is in news format. A niche market, very focused. Often times it is light and fun and the co-hosts keep it interesting. Most of the news revolves around a world that I am not part of, but I enjoy hearing about it anyway. Except today. It definitely was not light and fun. That’s part of life though. It’s tragic but it’s real.

The first podcast I watched was my favorite. I thought about sharing it with all of you but I’m not ready to cast it out into the world just yet. I need to park on it for a bit. There was just so much to take in and I need time to digest even a fraction of it.

There were so many things I liked about it. The interviewer and interviewee were both interesting, engaged in the subject, with lots to say. In a way, the subject matter wasn’t new but their perspective was fresh and new. The purpose of the podcast was to encourage the listener to think. Most guests on the podcast have a new book out and I’d have to go back and check but if I remember right the title of the book tonight was Think Again.

By that he meant be willing to take out your thoughts, beliefs, opinions, even decisions, and with an open mind take an honest look to see if you still think/believe the same way.

I can remember having a thought similar to this back in my twenties, you know, that time in your life when you think you know a lot of things for sure. By experience I learned to avoid being loudly dogmatic about anything. Backtracking on a strongly held opinion was not an experience I particularly enjoyed.

Anyway, I am still living tonight’s inspiring experience. When it wears off I will listen to it again once or twice and then maybe I’ll share.

Instead, I will share what I was doing part of the time while listening/watching the podcasts.

When it’s finished I always need to savor it for a while. That’s why there is a finished one hiding under my diamond painting projects. One of these days it will go back in the box.

Well, I’m glad I stopped by to visit with you all. This exercise has been a settling experience. Much needed if I hope to sleep tonight.

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Tomorrow, (well technically today since it 1:13 AM) maybe we will get back to books.

Currently I’m reading and enjoying ….

Leaving November (Clayburn Novels Book 2) 

Eight years ago, Vienne Kenney moved away from Clayburn and all its gossip to pursue a law degree in California. But now she has failed the bar exam again. Is she destined to be stuck forever, a failure—just like her father—in this tiny Kansas town?

Nine months ago, Jackson Linder left Clayburn with no explanation to anybody. Now he, too, is back. He isn’t sure he’s ready to face the rumors and well-meaning questions of the town’s busybodies. Yet he’s determined, once more, to make his art gallery a success—despite the secret that haunts him every day..

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Happy Reading!

(Yes, it’s still Christmas at my house. The tree is even still up in the other room. I’m thinking if I leave it another month or two I may as well go ahead and leave it up for next Christmas lol)

Bye!

Story prompt – fragrance

/ For the Love of Books / 1 Comment

Story Prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings – Peckapalooza’s The Confusing Middle

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

I know I am in good company. That’s why we often see signs claiming it’s a fragrance free zone. Allergies abound. It’s too bad really, because some scents are exquisite. Wouldn’t it be great if it was possible to have pretty scents that are hypo-allergenic.

I used to wear perfume, way back in my teenage years, but had to quit. Something changed in me, my chemistry, to the point that what used to smell nice on me, suddenly didn’t. Sad, sad, day.

My allergic reactions have increased over the years and more and more things have became bothersome. Now, I avoid anything with a scent. There are a variety of reactions and some fragrances are less intolerable than others. I’m sure I could find something that would work for me but I don’t love perfume enough to search for just the right one.

This affliction affects many areas of my life, I’ve even had to quit a job over this issue.

Having left a job I loved (mostly, anyway) and taken another job that I didn’t, it was a safe place, I found myself in a bit of a dilemma.

The thing about this new place of employment was – it was full of scents of all kinds. Drugstores are like that. It had a thriving gift section with candles, oils, and all things pretty. The store also had a perfume case. While the gift section was near the front of the store the perfumes were at the back. It wasn’t difficult to avoid that area. Most of my time was on the cash registers at the front, well away from most things smelly.

My allergies were taking a back seat to more important life concerns, and I just put up with the minor reactions.

The interesting thing about perfumes was their attraction for shop lifters, a surprise to me.

There were other things in the store attractive to shop lifters too. Some products were a cheap substitute for alcohol. Others were ingredients used in the manufacture of street drugs, while popular items were sold on the black market to generate cash.

Changes had to be made to reduce shrinkage and the plan for the perfume case was to move all of it to the front of the store, on the shelving behind the tills.

Sometimes life has to become intolerable before I am willing to make changes. It was so bad that I was hearing impaired with the fluid build up in my right ear yet, I was still only flirting with the idea of quitting. Fortunately the decision was made easy for me in the end. My boss wanted to change my part-time status to full-time. Talk about a shove off the end of the pier.

It was a blessing in disguise. I found a better job, in a fragrance free zone.

The last couple of years an unidentified agent has rendered me hearing impaired for a few weeks in November. I guess quitting a job won’t be the easy solution to the problem this time.

This guy makes a lot of sense

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No book suggestions so far this morning but I need to post. I’m falling down on keeping my daily post promise. and that is tragic.

I don’t have a book to talk about but I did watch a podcast yesterday that made a lot of sense to me. I’ve lived through stuff he’s talking about and know he’s on the right track. Government can never make things better for us. We have to take our lives into our own hands and work to make things better. My dad didn’t do it for himself (or us) but my brothers and I did. It hasn’t always been easy but life has been good to our families.

Enjoy this man’s wisdom and maybe I will have book things to say later on.

Actually, this man has written books. Check him out.

Cheers

Story Prompt – Tooth

/ For the Love of Books / 2 Comments

Today’s weekly story prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings with peckapalooza The Confusing Middle and it’s …

Tooth

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I don’t want to talk about this subject. Considering that thought, I’m a little shocked myself. Since Wednesday, when this topic was announced I’ve been thinking about what I’d say and really, the conversation in my head wasn’t all that emotional. Guess I was wrong about just how hot this hot button issue is for me.

I’m not much of a believer in coincidence. Maybe the truth is, I need to talk about this subject more than I think I do. Blow off a little steam. That would be helpful. I’ve only been upset about this for five years. Tuesday could be the unexpected resolution to a long standing problem. Things would probably go better if I wasn’t an emotional mess about this.

The dispute with the dentist five years ago was over differing opinions on tooth removal. I was told it would be unethical.

I’m a woman, it’s my body. An abortion would not be considered unethical (if I wanted one, which I don’t) so why would having all my teeth pulled be considered unethical? Pulling teeth over taking a life? Makes no sense to me.

Of course I did what I always do when I’m boiling mad. Cried. And that made me even madder. Still does. If I had the ability to stomp my feet, shout, and create a scene, maybe things would have gone my way but I don’t and they didn’t.

They said unethical but I think the term was used as a smoke screen. Pulling my teeth would be like killing the cow. Fiscally, not a good move for them. Well, they may as well have pulled them because I haven’t been back.

In their arrogance they wouldn’t listen to me and figured they knew best. I’ve lived with my teeth for a lot of years and spent untold money, and hours, in the dentist chair. The rate of deterioration had increased dramatically and I could see the writing on the wall. Between money and pain, it was no longer worth it. On top of that, almost half of my teeth were already gone anyway, let’s just do it all and be done.

Since aggression was out, I did the only thing I could do, nothing. I figured if I let things take their natural course without remedy, someone would eventually look in my mouth and agree with my assessment. Mind you, I’m not sure how that would happen since I haven’t looked for a new dentist (what’s the point, they would probably agree with the other guy.) I have to say the damage in the last five years has been significant – cavities, broken teeth, large fillings gone, teeth starting to lean over.

Here’s the reason I think the end for this issue may be near, finally.

I’ve recently been to a doctor (as opposed to the Dr dentist) for the first time in ten years. Doctors taking patients are not easy to find these days and to be honest, I was in no hurry to see one. In the course of the getting-to-know-you section of the visit I showed him my issues with a chronic skin condition. I assumed it was a psoriasis (looked like it to me) which is about impossible to get rid of. It seems now it could be something else. Related to my mouth. They will do a biopsy on Tuesday to make a conclusive diagnosis. If it is connected to my mouth maybe that’s my ticket out of here. (at least, for my teeth, not me)

My only reason for wanting to see a doctor was a routine check up, I had no identifiable health issues, aside from getting old. I’ve been praying and stressing over my teeth for a long time, maybe this unusual route is the answer to all of that. I sure hope so.

I have to say, Tooth was an excellent choice for today’s theme. I feel so much better now, after getting all this off my chest.

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It was interesting how this whole doctor thing came about.

I’ve lived here eight years now without one. They have a doctor finder thing you can sign up for, which I did, and every few months they send an email saying they haven’t found anything but they will keep trying. I wanted local and they are scarce in my area.

Anyway, my kids were stressing a little over how long it’s been since I’ve seen anyone and they were worried. They had reason to be, my son-in-law’s father suddenly died recently from an undiagnosed problem with his heart.

I’ve been feeling a little punky for a while now but it’s no big deal, pretty nebulous really. I prayed, Lord, do I need to see a doctor? A few days later I received the regular email telling me the usual, no doctor – we will keep trying, and a day after that the Doctor Finder fellow called me saying there were doctors available in my area. In short order I had an appointment.

With the initial history taking and assessment he was very pleased, figuring my risk factors for major disease were very low. I left there thinking Lord, if I needed to see a doctor, why did nothing show up? I’d had blood work done and everything there looked normal. A week or so later the report came back in regard to the pictures sent to the dermatologist.

If that was the issue needing attention and my dental worries would finally be taken care of, I’d be a happy camper. I’m sure my overall health would improve too if the damaged teeth were out of there. Here’s hoping as we await the biopsy results.

I can’t say I’m thrilled with the idea of losing all my teeth but it won’t be the end of the world. Like a tree that bends in the wind, I will adapt.

It isn’t that I can’t, it’s that I can’t.

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This is one of those just say something kind of days. You know, those days when it’s time to write a post and you have nothing.

So, this title is the thought that’s been rolling around in my head all day. It’s entirely true, and to my mind, it’s hilarious. I love a good play on words.

Probably the reason why this idea is lodged securely in my mind, like a silly song that stays with you all day, is because I lived it over the weekend.

Saturday afternoon was the time for our regular monthly writer’s group. We take turns chairing the meeting and February was supposed to be my turn. It’s bad enough when we meet in person and I can look around the table to see everyone; make it a Zoom meeting and it is confusing and worse. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do a good job and decided to look for a fill-in. I felt the group deserved to have a better experience than I could give them.

Some time after arranging my replacement I read and enjoyed a book featured in a previous blog post here. This added a new element to the meeting as I shared my enjoyment with the rest of the executive. With the help of several of our group members who knew her personally, I was able to contact the author. She would love to read an excerpt for us from her short story. Once this was all settled the agenda came out for the meeting and I was surprised to find I was still on it. In a smaller capacity but still. No one said a word, they just snuck it in there.

It all worked out ok. I was ready with my part mapped out in my head and it went smoothly. Probably because concern for my newly assigned task overshadowed every other worry.

In the end, I had the ability. It wasn’t like I couldn’t do it before but now I could.

The best way to describe why I couldn’t do it would be disability. Something crippling my ability

At this point I can hear one of our best writers saying “when you make statements like that I want to hear details”

I can tell you that I have complex PTSD from ongoing childhood abuse. It started before I was born and ended when I was twelve. I can’t give you details because I don’t have memories. They talk about abuse victims compartmentalizing as a coping mechanism. That’s what my mind did. Ninety-eight percent of my childhood memories are locked in a sealed vault and even though I’ve given myself permission to bring some of them out, for the most part, it’s not happening. I was describing it to my daughter the other day, It’s like watching a room with small windows… every now and then a shadow goes past. That’s the extent of it.

I’ve been in heavy denial about all of this for most of my life. Up until about fifteen years ago when one of my brothers insisted that I own it and admit the truth. This admission was the beginning of a new dimension in my healing journey

One discovery along the way was this: My disability comes not from memories but from triggers rising out of memories buried deep inside me. The deep place that will never forget.

In the past I refused to even think about the shadowy memories I did have.

It turned out there was a better way. I could stop and examine the shadows. Ask questions. Try to understand family dynamics and recognize what was behind abusive actions. There were many well-that-explains-a-lot moments once I allowed myself to question, to take a honest look.

So, I guess the question is, how does this affect my ability to do or not to do? It’s this way… my survival response is to shut down.

Freeze. Panic attacks.

I’ve had many theories about why this is.

A break through moment tells me it’s all about feeling safe.

Why don’t I feel safe? Honestly, aside from rooted in old memories, I have no idea.

I think it will take more than my lifetime to heal from this.

Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. At least I’m making progress.

Maybe can’t could even turn into can someday.

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One thing I know for sure, I’m not alone on this journey. Many others walk a similar path.

Sharing our stories is an effective way to add support to our fellow travelers.

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I will admit this started with a light heart but didn’t end that way. That’s not a bad thing. Honesty is the good thing.

Thoughts running through my mind.

/ For the Love of Books / 2 Comments

There is one thought running through my mind at this moment. It’s not new, I’ve been visiting variations of this thought off and on for awhile now. This morning it took a different turn and I feel like I need to explore it.

I’ve been judiciously watching many news type podcasts lately. Judiciously, because my mental and emotional health is in trouble if I don’t.

With limited exposure I can’t be quoted on who thinks what or what they plan to do about it if they think it. I am no expert on any of it.

I hear snippets. That’s kind of what started my thinking this morning. Putting two and two together, forming an idea. My idea.

The world is a complicated place, always has been. We think a certain action will gain a certain result but it never holds true with humans. For every expected reaction it is possible there will be an unexpected reaction. Maybe not in equal number as, hopefully, good reactions will outweigh the not-so-good ones. Besides, in the course of your lifetime have you ever seen unanimous agreement happen more than once or twice? Never is more likely.

I’m saying all this to acknowledge the exceptions. What makes one person strong destroys another and it hurts when things go badly.

So, getting back to my original train of thought.

The last few days I’ve heard news people using the term Reset. A Global Reset. I didn’t stick around long enough to hear much but I can imagine what they were thinking and planning. My whole life, I have been hearing about one world government and it is a scary thought. It always sounded like the forces wanting to form this government did not have our best interests at heart. It was all about need for power.

At the beginning of the covid pandemic, watching the way life was changing for all of us, I was thinking reset too. I wasn’t alone with this observation, I’ve heard many others express the same idea.

As a society, life has been easy for us in so many ways and we have become used to taking it for granted, that’s one part.

The other part is disconnectedness. Electronic devices, and all facets of them, have consumed us and our time. We have become isolated from one another in real time. We share physical spaces, yet we are like ships passing in the night. Each living a life in solitary.

Covid has changed all of this. Isolation of a different sort has forced us together for prolonged periods of time. We are discovering in-person relationships, some for the first time. Most, but not all, are thriving and life is enriched with good experiences, making new memories and connections to last a lifetime.

Then there is the hardship of restrictions and the downturn on the economic side. We’ve lost many of the things we took for granted. It’s been a year and life does not look like it will be going back to normal anytime soon. In fact whatever it goes back to is guaranteed to look quite different after all this time. Necessity with all it’s changes will have made going back impossible.

Considering all of this, I view reset as involving our priorities, values, and connections. And it would be a good thing. I think we will be a stronger people for having survived this storm. We will develop a protective awareness we didn’t have before. We were caught by surprise with covid but we won’t be as unaware as we would have been, if it happened again.

If it turns out the World Reset attempt is a reality we will be better equipped to survive, having lived through the personal reset. And if the World Reset never comes, we will still be in a better position to thrive and survive life in general.

In the end, I think the most important reset will be personal. There is no denying … we are already a much stronger people because of it. It’s not over yet, just think of where we will be, strength-wise, a year from now.

This is what I’m thinking today.

As I reach this point in the discussion I find this thought pattern gives me hope.

I’m also pretty sure this won’t be the last time I think about all this.

Story prompt – Compliment

/ For the Love of Books / 2 Comments

I must compliment you both. It’s inspiring the way you complement one another.

Compliments are amazing things, often underestimated, I think.

It seems, if some of the stories I’ve read are to be believed, there are segments of society reluctant to give compliments because they are thought to encourage pride. Then there are other segments who are just plain mean and abusive. Not only do they not give compliments, they pile on the insults.

I love stories where a kind heart recognizes worth and goes to great lengths to promote healthy self-esteem in the down trodden.

There is a popular old story I’ve never forgotten. A young farmer was looking for a wife. He picked a young woman, shy and insecure, with literally no marriage prospects. The village people could not understand his choice, in their estimation she had nothing to offer as a farmer’s wife.

The going bride price was two cows. He chose to pay double that. Four cows was unheard of, never mind for a wife with so few talents to recommend her.

He took her home, treated her like a precious treasure and over time she blossomed to became all he knew she could be.

Compliments are powerful and for us to blossom we need them as much as we need food and water. At least that’s what I think.

Then there is complement. (to make complete)

How many stories have I read lately where the author pairs characters because they complement each other. The restaurant owner who is an awesome chef and a hopeless bookkeeper. The female ranch owner struggling with endless heavy chores requiring a man’s strength. Or even the one tasked with jobs requiring two or more people to meet deadlines. How many of us would kill ourselves trying before we would ever reach out.

It’s not easy admitting we need help. I know I struggle with that. Last summer I chose to fight to prune small trees myself rather than ask. My neighbor who is taller, heavier, stronger, (never mind younger) would have gladly helped.

In stories there is often a stubborn character who will not ask or even allow someone to help. Of course, one of the requirements of a good novel is tension and stubborn provides that in spades. By the end, though, they are working together and life is rosy.

It happens that way in real life too if we let it. We’re better together. Especially when our talents complement one another.

I like these two words.

The same only different.

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Story Prompt is hosted by Sunday Scribblings