There is always a deeper reason….

*there is a list of books at the bottom of every post*   

It’s true, my current reason for this blog was to share a love of books and to inspire you to love them too. The original blog goal, a decade or so ago, was to target a smaller more specialized group of women and to talk about deeper issues. It was still going to be about books just not the same kind of books. My vision for the blog  then was to share resources and  give encouragement to hurting broken women like me. That blog never did get off the ground. I thought the vision for today’s version of the blog seemed to be broader in scope and not nearly so intense. A few weeks ago in a moment of inspiration I even spent a couple of hours writing down all of the blog topics that popped into my head, three pages worth, and none of them were personal or intense. Now I am not so sure.

The whole idea of a blog sort of came to a head recently. Many things had come to mind as I worked through issues  over the last decade or two, and at times it felt like I should share them with people but had no way to do that without a blog. Recently, in one of my conversations with God, I was talking to him about this wish and promised that if he would provide a platform then I would be sure to say some of those things now. It looks like God must have taken me at my word and thought I was finally ready because in a very short space of time it all came together.

Because God is a big part of what I am doing; before each post I take time to ask him what he would like me to say and how he would like me to say it. I know God sees our hearts and he knows  what our hearts need to hear. I want to do my part to have words that someone needs to hear so I ask him to let me know what needs to be said.

After praying much about this post, I think I am supposed to share some of my story and that surprised me. I am nervous about sharing but the courage is coming from somewhere.

My love affair with books started in 6th grade with a school field trip to the public library. I was in heaven. Saturdays I would walk to the library ( a couple of miles or more) for a fresh supply of books, books with an impact that is still felt even after all these years. Empowerment was the takeaway from one of my favorite characters, she had her own sailing sloop and could take the lead and have adventures, I loved that.

This fascination with the public library lasted for three or four years, until I realized there were no more books in my age group section that I wanted to read. I tried out the adult section but decided it was too soon for that. The disappointment about this discovery had to have been huge because it is still one of my most vivid memories. Happily though, that was just the beginning, it turned out there were to be many more great books in my future.

Discovering the library turned out to be a blessing, not that I consciously recognized it as such at the time. The road that is our life is often filled with potholes, potholes that range from very small and inconsequential to crater size, from far apart to close together. There were some crater sized potholes in my road of life the year I was twelve. I’m pretty sure my new friendship with books made the journey through the potholes a  little easier. They must have because I remember books more clearly that I remember some other things in my life at that time. My dad was an alcoholic and life was often chaotic at our house, mom had cancer, school was never hard for me but I failed  6th grade, on my 13th birthday my brothers and I went to stay with my grandparents (mom’s side) because mom had to go back to the hospital,  and then that move turned out to be a permanent arrangement even after mom came home from hospital. On the plus side, it was a positive and possibly life saving  move for my brothers and I.

The next few decades were smooth sailing and crater free by comparison. But the road of life didn’t stay that way.

Getting back to the blog- about twelve years ago, after a marriage breakup, I joined a twelve step program directed toward women affected by the addictions of people (past and present) in their lives.  I was working on the results of some of the craters in my life and at the urging of one of my neighbors, who turned out to be a good friend and mentor, I started attending the meetings. It was a year or so into the program that I had the desire to start a blog as a way to share resources and encouragement with the other women in the group. My mentor thought it was a great idea and totally encouraged me to go ahead with it. I did get as far as registering a domain name and paying for a package at a web hosting site. I kept that active for two years then decided not to continue as I hadn’t gotten it off the ground. I think the big hurdle was, and has always been, the fear of putting myself out there. It was difficult to share my story even with people I knew well never mind with the world at large. Six or so years ago I tried to start a blog again, twice, this time with free Word Press, but it still wasn’t coming together for me. This year when I felt inspired to try again, it worked! I was so excited.

For some reason the process of writing has given me a sense of fulfilment and purpose. I am very excited about this new step and so glad to finally be in a place where it’s out of the old and into the new. I am not sure where all of this blogging/writing will take me, and I’m not sure how much sharing of my story will be required but I am excited for the journey. Fulfillment for me will be having something to say that someone’s heart needs to hear.

I have been reading books through all of this but won’t share them this time. Except to say, there was a book I read in 1992 about  how Joseph of Arimathea and band of new believers travelled to Britain after Jesus death to escape the persecution of the Romans. It covers the  time from 4 BC or so, up to 1640 or so. The book is called Glastonbury: The Novel of Christian England by Donna Fletcher Crow. It is a long book, over 800 pages, but a fascinating read. I loved it and wanted to read it again but, sadly, had loaned it out.  On an outside chance, the other day when I was thinking about it  I checked Amazon and there it was,  it has been reissued as an ebook. You know what I will be reading for the next while. If you are interested in historical fiction check it out. The legends come to life. One of my takeaways from this book was that the Irish and Scots are cousins who can’t get a long. Who knew! Although it does make sense when you think about it.

Happy reading and, hopefully, encouraged hearts!

3 thoughts on “There is always a deeper reason….

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