Send Down The Rain

Send Down the Rain   Send Down The Rain – Charles Martin

Charles Martin’s newest book.

Life for Bobby and Joseph was never the same after their father left with another woman. Damage was so severe that it sent them on downward spirals, lasting decades. Their  single mother did her best to provide for them, but the threat of draft was  something beyond her control. It felt like an automatic death sentence, for both of them. For her, the thought was unbearable. Although he was younger, Joseph was able to cope in ways his brother never was. The day Bobby’s draft notice arrived, Joseph was the  son his mother sought out.

I have to tell you, this tale is as gripping as all his others, and once started it’s impossible to stop – without good reason.

The good reason, this time, was Thanksgiving dinner with the family. I was able to work around my obligations, be fully present for family time, and still steal enough moments to finish this book.

There is so much to see and hear in these stories, making it impossible to take it all in in one reading. I will be reading this one again.

Charles Martin books are raw, real, and yet, tell a story that repels and draws all at the same time. You cannot help but connect with the lives of the characters, laughing and crying right along with them.

PTSD, bullying, human trafficking; friendship, love, fierce loyalty to family – are all part of the basic foundation this time.

The characters are well developed, and it’s interesting to see the way their lives intersect and, in some cases, are woven together.

I love the twists and turns you don’t see coming.

If you like a story that digs deep, making sure you think and feel, this is the book for you.

 

My greatest nightmare

This morning, just before waking up time, I dreamt I was going to a fancy restaurant, and just as I was seated, realized….. I forgot to bring my Kindle!

This was truly a disasterPanic sets in. How can I enjoy a fancy meal without him?

I also thought this was pretty funny and I just had to share.

My Kindle is a great friend, one who sticks closer than a brother, to quote a well known verse. He goes with me everywhere. And we have made some great memories together.

He has given me the courage to go places more often than I would  have otherwise.

Occasionally, as I am seated in a restaurant, I think about how pathetic it looks that my only companion is a book, and then I look on the bright side. If a book gives me courage and incentive, then how can that be a bad thing.

 

 

 

Travelling

This is a short post to try out a new editor app. Not sure what difference it will make since this is not the device I normally use so I have nothing to compare with. Hmmm, I see now that I need to read some of the provided material to answer this question. Pays to read the instructions 😀

It’s also a good opportunity to say I have been travelling many kilometres the last few weeks so haven’t had much chance to post anything. I am having a good time, I love long distance driving, even in the cold snowy winter, so it has been great. And safe too, so far, I pray it stays that way. It has been special to spend time with family, and a few friends, over the Christmas season.

I’ve finished a few more books and will share them in a later post.

One of them I will mention now though, it was Untangled: A story of resilience, courage, and triumph. Alexis Rose is a fellow blogger and this is her story of surviving a life of unimaginable abuse. Check out both her blog and her book for encouragement and inspiration. I can heartily endorse both.

I will be back soon, hopefully, with a full post. In the meantime, I hope you are all making some positive winter memories too, in one way or another.

Soon!

Post from – God is in your typewriter – Melissa Presser – inspiring

This morning while waking up at an ungodly time after making the trip to see my sister in Las Vegas, I finally opened up my electronic devices only to find of one million messages. Out of the million or so messages that were awaiting me, I saw the flash to accept a new comment on […]

via On coincidences, God’s punishments as gifts and loving the thing you’re supposed to hate — God is in your typewriter

my daughter-in-law’s sweet tribute to her grandmother, she will be missed

“Grandma had a minor stroke, but she’s recovering,” read the first message. She’ll get better, I thought. I know my grandma. “Grandma is having a hard time eating and speaking,” the next message read, “but she’s out of the critical period. Baby steps in forward motion.” She’ll get better, I thought. I know my grandma.…

via Just Like My Grandma — Bamboo Sketches

New page added….. Relationships-Resources

A new page has been added for non fiction books helpful on my journey. Also added on my profile is a link to a site I’ve followed for a number of years. Heart to Heart Counseling Center, with Doug Weiss Ph.D, it has been a major contributor to my healing journey and I want to share it for anyone who could benefit from this site. They have a large selection of helpful books and DVDs.

Two of the books quoted regularly in the weekly emails were Married and Alone, and  Intimacy Anorexia: Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage. The quotes were life changing for me, I think it’s time to read the books, so I’ve downloaded them.

I will share my thoughts on these two books in a later post.

In the meantime, check out the new page, if it would be helpful to you on your journey.

Blessings!

Janette

Moving on…… to a new season of life.

A long, hermit like season of my life seems to be coming to an end. This is good news.

A season unbearable in some ways, yet profoundly healing in others. It has been a painful time of honesty ending in a deepening relationship with the One who has travelled every step of life’s journey with me and has waited decades for the right time to reveal, mend, and restore the broken places.

Now, as the tail end of this healing season is in sight, I realize it dealt primarily with childhood issues, and very little with those of my adult life. This makes me sad because I was hoping for both. The distressing thing is, there is no clear picture in my mind of what it would take for this to happen, in regard to my adult life. I try to figure out what is still missing, forgiveness? Understanding? The missing pieces elude me.

The last few weeks I’ve been thinking back on how this hermit journey started. Life events show it started the first moment I allowed myself to take an honest look at my adult situation. Funny how that works sometimes. Deal with one era by bringing change in another.

This time of honesty turned out to be the beginning of many changes.

From the very early days of our marriage there was a deep knowing that something wasn’t right but there was nothing to indicate what it was. I still don’t know for sure what that something was. Looking back to the beginning, from the vantage point of maturity, I see unrecognized indicators but no clear picture. Attempts at conversation over the years haven’t been helpful either. I may never know the truth and I have to be okay with it. The truth is part of someone else’s story and is not mine to discover. I can’t pursue understanding the way I wish I could, that would be invasive and unfair.

For many years, our life was putting one foot in front of the other, doing the best we could with what we had. On the surface life was good in many ways, there were no beatings, there was food on the table, and I always knew where he was. I was glad for the husband I had because I thought all those negative things could have been true if I had made a different choice. Now I can see the lie in that thought, because none of my teenage choices turned out to be the kind of men to do any those things so why would a different adult choice have led to the disasters my mind kept throwing at me. Low self imagine has had much to do with the decades long process this turned out to be.

Underneath the acceptance of life as good, there was a deep unhappiness coupled with a profound lack of understanding for the reason. I read a helpful book a few years ago, it described much of what I was going through in the early years. It said we often know something is wrong but can’t put it into words. That was me.

Life went on this way for decades, fluctuating between times of peace and times of despair.

Denial only works for so long, eventually something will burst forth and there will be no choice but to allow the moment of honesty. It was a shock. It required a response.

It was a shock to recognize we weren’t truly living a life, we were merely role playing, both in our personal and professional lives. It’s impossible to do a job well while role playing. The fruits of our efforts were indicators of that.

Honesty needed a response.

The right course of action in this moment of honesty was to move on, leave the role playing behind. Circumstances lined up in cooperation with this decision. Everything about our lives changed, – location, occupations, activities, view of life, our relationship.

This was the beginning of the healing process, one that would take more than two decades.

When I started to write this post my goal was to work my way through to the present day view of my life. I had a reason for that goal. Nothing has turned out quite like I intended.

Some of this subject has been difficult to address and yet the exercise of writing about it has had unexpected benefits. New thoughts have been introduced and need some meditation time. It is a break through of sorts. Maybe the healing end is not as far off as I first thought.

I need a break to consider some things before continuing with this subject. I’m sure there will be a continuing, it still has an unfinished feel to it.

Until next time…..


Books read since last post

Maine Justice – The Priority Unit book 1 – Susan Paige Davis …. this was a read all night book, literally, loved it

Blackbird Fly – Lise McClendon….. I liked the bones of this story and went to the end, in leaps and jumps. It was a frustrating read, full of unnecessary details (at least that is my opinion) but I did want to stick with it long enough to see what happened.

BoneMan’s Daughters – Ted Dekker (mystery)

Silver Cascade Secrets – Rachelle Christensen

Full Circle – Davis Bunn (mystery)

Kiss – Ted Dekker and Erin Healy (mystery/thriller)

The Courage Series – For Real book 3 – Staci Stallings

Summer Love in the Bahamas – Smile For Me book 1 –  Jan Thompson

Everyone has a story…..

*there is a list of books at the bottom of every post* 

We all have a story…. most of us with hurt in our lives are reluctant to tell it… sometimes we are even reluctant to tell it to ourselves.

Much of the time we are unaware of this reluctance. Hiding behind repressed memories is a way of survival for many of us. Our minds take on the self protection task of supressing painful memories and  our hearts are grateful. The last thing we want to do is come out of hiding to think about, or talk about, any of it.

Here’s what the mind is capable of – as a preteen, my brothers and I went to stay with our grandparents while mom went back to the hospital for further cancer treatments, life was now like a whole new world for us, absolutely everything changed, for the better. With this change a switch was quietly flipped in my mind; that’s who I was – this is who I am now. My mind, without my conscious permission, literally amputated (and buried, deeper than deep) the painful memories of my first 12 years and then created a new and sanitized version of me. Dad was still in and out of our lives so there was no denying what his life was all about but there was a huge denying of what my life was like while with him. Forgetting the past, looking to the future, was the theme of my life.

The years went by, decades even, and I still lived life as the new sanitized me. Occasionally I thought about my early life, especially during  those times when inner healing surfaced as something important to be pursued, definitely a worthwhile exercise for me, but in limited measure.

Even with these new examinations of my life, denial was still a big issue and basically my story was still a secret. Well, maybe not so much a secret as just something rarely mentioned to people close to me, and never mentioned to anyone else.

I don’t think I would have ever bothered changing anything about this view of myself except that life has a way of catching up with you and changing your perspective.

As a society we have long held to the position – what is in the past should stay in the past, stop dwelling on it and move on. What can be gained by dredging up all that old stuff?

It turns out, actually, quite a lot can be gained by facing the past and much can be lost by ignoring it. It turns out that emotional injuries affect the rest of our lives, much like physical injuries do, except that they affect the very core of our being rather than just a single body part, and as a result have a great impact on the whole of our life rather than just a small segment.

Could my life have been different if I had faced all of this stuff earlier? No, I don’t think so,  I wasn’t in a place where I could have successfully faced it earlier, and, because my story wasn’t the only story affecting my life, the timing was not right. God knew my mind couldn’t handle facing reality any sooner, so, later was his perfect timing.

Has everything been faced now? Not by a long shot. Have I received healing despite only facing part of my past? Absolutely!

The truth shall set you free has proven true in my life. The telling of my story has had a huge role in my freeing process. Peace has been the reward. Through it all I have been careful about where to share my story and careful about which opinion to listen to after the sharing of my story. And, I’ve learned through all of this, my heart is worth protecting.

If you have never told your story, be sure to look for a safe place to land before sharing your story but do share it. Denial and self protection are jailers that will keep us in bondage behind protective walls. Breaking down the walls can add a new dimension to our relationships and bring peace to our hurting hearts. Telling our story won’t remove the difficult places from our lives but it will bring a measure of relief and start us on a healing journey. The road to healing and peace is not an easy road to travel but it is definitely worth it.

Books have always been a very important part of  my healing  process and one very helpful book at the beginning of this current 12 year journey  was a book called “Love is a Choice -Recovery for codependant relationships”  in the Minirth-Meier Clinic Series. It was special to me because it helped me begin to see many important things, including the difference between normal and abusive. We accept familiar as normal because it’s all we know. The truth about what we have accepted as normal can be stunning and life changing.

I have also learned not to make comparisons between my story and others and then write mine off as unimportant. We are all different and there are as many responses to injuries as there are people. The important consideration is this – did it hurt you?

The sharing of your story will help you discover the truth about hurts, remembered and suppressed,  and how much weight should be given to those hurts. It will turn out, sometimes, that the hurt really was bigger in our memory than it needed to be, and sometimes, it was smaller than it needed to be. Telling our story helps to bring things into right perspective. Perspective is highly under rated.

Are you feeling encouraged to tell your story and break out of prison? If you are, like many of us, having a hard time with this thought, take your time, there is no rush, move at a speed you are comfortable with. The important thing is to move, baby steps. Take any healthy opportunities that come your way to address this need in your life. For me, it was a neighbour friend with a gift for helping people like me, and through her, connection with a support group.

As your first step toward telling another person your story, see if you can identify a possible someone in the circle of your life, someone with a healthy heart to hear your story. That’s very important. If we share our stories with someone in the same boat, it will turn into a vicious circle rather than a healing journey. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone to find this person or persons but it will be worth it. Most importantly, if you trust God, he will help you recognize the right opportunities. Help is always a welcome thing.

Peace that passes all understanding is the goal!

In this age of instant gratification we may be dismayed to find that one telling of our story won’t be the fix we were hoping for. Your story will need to be told many, many, times over before you reach the end of the healing journey. The beautiful thing is, everytime you tell your story (even if only to yourself) it will change, some things will be added and other things will drop off, as your perspective changes so will the telling of your story. Some things will cease to be part of the narrative because healing has taken place and now they have lost their place of importance in your heart, cause for celebration! New things will be added because there is a new measure of understanding, also cause for celebration!

The truth about this journey; it is not for the faint of heart….. but it is more than worth it.

If you also really trust God on this journey, he will be with you every step of the way, and when you need it most, you will feel his arms holding you.