We all have a story

Adding some new features

/ For the Love of Books / 3 Comments

Collaborating with a friend is such a great idea, especially when said friend has some things figured out, and I don’t. I have to give her credit for the idea of adding cover pictures to my books read list to make things more interesting. The idea has  crossed my mind, at times, but I needed a push to make it happen.

I give her credit for my venture into writer’s groups as well,  joining a group wouldn’t have occurred to me without her encouragement.  It has  been great meeting new people, learning new skills, becoming involved in life again. Writing is a solitary endeavour but community is inspiring in a way we miss out on if we don’t make a conscious effort to get involved somewhere.

The addition of book covers will be a positive change, visually, I think, but it has affected the way I’m writing about the books. I’m not sure why this is. Hopefully it will also be a change for the good.

Several books didn’t make the cut this week, for a couple of reasons, too much telling and not enough show, distracting details, an overbearing agenda. One particular book had a strong start and looked like it could be the favorite of the week until it took a downturn; the writing style changed to the reciting of facts, and dialogue became a soap box for the overbearing agenda. I finished it, wishing ……. It could have been such a great book.

On the bright side, there were still some great books. Check out the covers.

this weeks offering:

come to me again   Come to me Again –  Leah Atwood ….  A devastating broken engagement nearly destroys him. Four years later they cross paths, can there be forgiveness. Will he achieve his dream of a music career and an escape from poverty? Will she escape the clutches of her controlling father and wealthy upbringing. Sometimes we make decisions, for what seems to be the right reason, but the result is heartache, will love win in spite of it all?

Time Lottery  Time Lottery (Time Lottery Series Book 1) – Nancy Moser …. This is a lottery like none other. A chance to go back in time and make new choices; or not. We get to follow the three winners on their ground breaking journeys, a surgeon, a socialite, and a homeless man. It was definitely an interesting new treatment of the idea of time travel.

Echo  Echo (A Kate Redman Mystery Book 6) – Celina Grace …. Torrential rains cause unprecedented flooding and a hillside gives way to expose the skeletal remains of a young woman. There are no clues to help establish identity or date of death. Cold case files go missing and it seems like someone in authority wants the investigation stopped. Kate’s long estranged mother also makes contact which only adds to the mystery. Age old secrets and people in high places. This was a good book.

Fatal FrostFatal Frost (Defenders of Justice Book 1) – Nancy Mehl …. Mercy Brennan has followed in her absentee father’s footsteps in law enforcement, only in a different branch, US Marshall. When she finds herself assigned to a joint task force it puts her in contact with him again,  an unwelcome situation. To make matters worse, unknown to her, the boss assigns her ex fiancé as protector from a high powered gang who have the mistaken idea she has a valuable piece of information they want back, at any cost. The ice storm complicates her protection. The twists and turns made this a favorite book this week.

Hi and Run  Hit and Run (The Delilah West Thriller Series Book 3) – Maxine O’Callaghan …. A down on her luck private eye is witness to a rainy night fatal hit and run. It seems straight forward at the time but doubts arise as the teen’s mother pleads with her to prove his innocence. Her reluctant investigation turns up more questions than answers. I like this protagonist and her irreverent way of going about life.

The Recipe  This is a heartwarming story about a young dietary assistant trying to find her place in life. While she is trying to win the Vegan Valentine Bake-off, in hopes of finding her calling, she feels drawn to the needs of some of the patients adding doubt about where she belongs. A nice lighter read.

That’s it for now. Let me know if you like the addition of book covers, does it add inspiration?

As always, Happy reading!

lots to be excited about

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This week was the first meeting of the season for the writer’s group I joined in the spring. It has been an amazing experience because I’ve never joined a group and bonded  so quickly. I was ready to make some new friends and finding some with similar interests is a bonus. I am pretty excited.

The purpose of the group is to share and critique our writing. This week I was slated to share for the first time; something I have been reluctant to do, mainly because I don’t see myself as a writer. It went much better than anticipated and I am excited. I shared a couple of passionate posts from this blog startling everyone, this side tracked us into talking about some things and we ran out of time for critique. Actually, it made me pretty happy because that’s the main purpose of writing, for me anyway, to generate thought and conversation.

Then, there was another unexpected happening; the member responsible for our small library is leaving us for a year and someone will need to take over the task. The books ended up in the trunk of my car, as a temporary measure, and now (since I am a reader at heart) my head is filling up with ways to promote the reading of these neglected and mostly forgotten books. My excitement is growing by the minute. Several of the ladies are slated to come over for coffee in a week or so, to help check out the books…… maybe  I can infect them with my enthusiasm.

On a more serious note, all of this has been like salve for my soul. Writing has been a blessing and connecting with like minded people has too. I highly recommend both.  Writers groups seem to be popping up everywhere and we all have a story to tell. If there is a spark of an idea in your mind, go for it. I think you will be glad you did.

Now for a few books

The Claudia Hershey Mystery Series – In the Spirit of Murder book 1 – Laura Belgrave Claudia transfers to a small town police station to find a quieter professional life, for the sake of her daughter, but murder seems to follow her.  Dead psychics and citizens with secrets to guard are not conducive to a quiet life.

Turner Creek Ranch Series – Treasure Me, Cowboy book 1 – Debra Clopton   rumours of buried treasure, a researching historical writer,  well meaning but interfering brothers, a cowboy with a ranch to run and issues with all of the above……  an entertaining story

Paths of Grace –  Such a Hope  book 1 – Sondra Kraak     Washington Territory 1871, Anna has spent her whole life travelling the countryside in the wagon of her freighter father; now he has died and left her to fend for herself. She knows how to do the job but things are not the same for a woman alone in a man’s world, especially when her father has made financial decisions without her knowledge.

Nothing stood out as special this week, instead it went the other way – there were books read that didn’t make the list to be shared. On the bright side, the less than great books make the great ones stand even taller when they do show up.

I hope you have found your share of great books to read this week. And, I hope you have found the courage, and the means, to tell your story to someone who cares.

Happy reading! Inspire a friend to read too!

 

 

A favorite book this week

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This week is about books, some I loved and some…I didn’t.

Generally, I don’t like to talk about books I dislike in a blog post (I save my rants over pet peeves for in person conversations not caught on camera) Putting dislike into words in a blog post just feels too much like a written rejection letter.  I would rather stick to the positive and  tell you about the books I liked and let the negative be shown subtly by the book’s absence from my list.

But, there’s a downside to positive only comments, it gives the impression I am an  indiscriminate reader.

So, I will give you a reason to believe I have opinions about what’s good and what’s not. There were a half dozen books this week that didn’t survive past the first few pages. There were two in particular, though, that caused a high level of disappointment. I had great expectations for them because they were written by popular public figures with something to say. I kept reading longer than usual, wanting them to get better. They didn’t

The first one is an allegory, I’ve read other books in a similar style and loved them, I expected to love this one too. The first off putting thing was, the hype overkill at the beginning of the book. How many endorsements do you really need! The second off-putting thing was, the story didn’t live up to the hype. It was disjointed, hard to follow, and the symbolism didn’t marry well with descriptions and actions, which was frustrating.

The second book was also similar in style to several other books I’ve read and enjoyed  recently. My expectations were high because I’ve not seen another book address this particular topic, at least not from this angle. The introduction gave me hope because it talks about how the book came to be, and how it was originally longer but they pared it down significantly. It could have been pared down even more, in my opinion. How many ways should you say the same thing?

The major downfall I see with both of these books; they had something worth saying, but the process of writing is not a strong skill for either of them. An experienced editorial team would have been a great asset.

I give them kudos for trying though because writing a successful book is not as easy as it looks.

 

So, having mentioned books I didn’t like, it’s time to mention some books I did like, enough to stay up reading half the night in some cases.

Kiya Trilogy – Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh book 1, Kiya: Mother of a King book 2 – Katie Hamstead …… this is a fictionalized story of King Tut, an excellent read and my favorite this week. I’m looking forward to reading book 3

Detective Madison Knight Series – Deadly Impulse book 6 – Carolyn Arnold …… I enjoy Carolyn Arnold and this was another good one from her, lots of believable twists and turns while  looking for the killer.

Bridge to Haven – Francine Rivers ….. this story starts when an abandoned newborn is mercifully found by a tender hearted man, under the bridge at the edge of town. Sometimes the sad places of our lives cause us to make devastating decisions. This is a book of second chances. Francine Rivers has been one of my favorite authors for many years and still is.

A Riley Paige Mystery – Once Gone book 1, Once Taken book 2 – Blake Pierce ….  a brilliant female police detective with a broken past that makes her more than a little prickly. Blake Pierce is a new favorite author of mine.

The Kate Lange Thriller Series – Damaged book 1 – Pamela Callow …..  Suspense…. recovering from the death of her sister and a messy break-up, Kate finds herself with a new law firm, embroiled in a dangerous mystery.

Skye Cree Thriller – The Box of Bones book 3 – Vickie McKeehan …. a serial killer, dismembered bodies, and not much to go on. This was  believable too, a mystery that keeps you guessing to the end, the best kind.

The Retired Gardener – Gideon Williams ….. this is definitely not your usual thriller, a retired gardener who always seems to side step away from harm directed at him.  A new slant on thrillers.

As always, I hope you will be on the lookout for good books, there are so many out there waiting to be found.

Happy reading!

slow week

/ For the Love of Books / 3 Comments

There’s not much writing happening at my house this week.

I have a job doing administrative work for a company 2000 km away from where I currently live. I used to live there and worked everyday in the office, for 5 years actually. Now, I’ve been here 5 years, working remotely, and loving it. I moved to be closer to family, and a good move it’s turned out to be. It’s nice getting to spend time with some of my grandchildren, watching them grow up, much to quickly.

I have 7 grandkids, 6 boys and 1 girl…….. she can hold her own with those boys. 🙂

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And they aren’t wimps, although they do love their sister so I’m guessing they don’t treat her as roughly as they could – although they might like to now and again.

Getting back to the subject of work. Three weeks of covering for my young colleague while she is even farther away, (5500 km from the office, I am about in the middle, between west and east, big country this) for her wedding, that means there hasn’t been much time for things I usually spend time on, like reading and writing. The work load  has been busier than we guessed it would be. Busier is good.

It has been nice doing her job because it gives me more contact with others in the office, more than I normally get with my job description, and I like that. I miss the connection. That’s the downside to this style of working. On the plus side though, in this age of computers and internet you can work almost anywhere.

It’s kind of fun, the contact I have with some of the agencies I deal with, when they have to call me and find out how far away I am from them. It makes me smile to myself when I’m talking to them and think about the fact that at one time I used to live in the city they are in, and shopped just a few blocks from their offices.

This time next week Danielle will be back and life will get back to normal. Although I guess it won’t be quite back to normal as I will have to do some grandma duty while mom and dad are working through the month of August. I love having the boys around. Hopefully they will come to my house a couple of times for overnights and we can have some movie marathons.

I love movie marathons, they bring back memories of when I was a mom. I can remember watching Brave Heart once with my teenagers (2 boys and a girl, who wanted to do whatever the boys did) and some of their friends. I was pretty proud of myself for sticking it out, although I do admit to crocheting at the time, it helped me get through the gory parts. And Princess Bride, I think we about wore that one out, it was a favorite. ” my name is Inigo Montoya…..” there are so many great lines in that movie.

And then there were the all night Rock-A-Thon fund raisers. The teenagers would have to rock, in a rocking chair, all night, no sleeping, and their sponsors would give them money for a group trip they were planning, if they managed to last the night. They would watch movies to help  stay awake, and eat pizza and lots of other yummy junk food. Luckily I was there without  responsibility so I didn’t have to fight sleep. I could usually make it half way through the night before closing my eyes and abandoning them.

I am looking forward to movies the next few weeks, the boys have their favorites too, although last time we watched some Disney movies since they have been assigned Disney movies as school homework, We watched Beauty and the Beast, their first time. It wasn’t as much of a chick flick as they expected, these fairy tales do have a bit of a violent side to them, which wasn’t a bad thing since they are still in the “ewwww, girls” stage, mostly.

So, that’s how my week is going, nose to the grind stone! 🙂

I downloaded some good books today so I am sure I will be stealing some moments for reading.

Wishing you some good books too and happy reading moments.

 

A tell-all chapter

/ For the Love of Books / 2 Comments

If I were writing a memoir (which I’m not, at least not yet anyway) most readers would be looking for tell-all chapters. This might qualify.

In the last post love my flowers…. and books I mentioned that I am an introvert and if the neighbours were to see me trying to take pictures of the flowers in my yard, it would be a tragedy of epic proportions. At the time, I said this somewhat tongue in cheek, but, as I thought about it later, it felt honest rather than dramatic, and honest felt really good.

One thing always leads to another, in my mind anyway, and this line of thought lead me to consider the possible impact the early years would have had on my introverted self. I wouldn’t say those years were the cause but I can see how they would have  contributed.

Both families moved many times over the years and eventually ended up in the same town, that’s how they met. Dad was a friend of one of mom’s brothers. It’s ironic that they were both born in Alberta, Vegreville and Youngstown, if I remember right. It seems like the they unintentionally followed each other around a bit.

Secrets have been the trademark of both families so I am short on details and have to speculate about some things.

I suspect mom was still living at home when they started going out together but don’t know for sure, I assume dad wasn’t living at home but don’t know that for sure either, I think his parents moved back to the States somewhere in that time frame. Also, I have no idea what the length of their relationship would have been, but it must not have been too short for mom’s brother to have been part of the scene. I’ve always assumed, from the information we were given through the years, that they were married the year before I was born, recently we discovered this was incorrect, they were married 13 months after I was born.

Both grandparents were strong in their faith, at least the grandmothers were, dad’s family was Catholic….church attendance was very important, Mom’s family was Protestant…… her step father was the pastor. Religious differences were a big deal.

Back in the 40s conceiving a child out of wedlock was a major scandal, both inside and outside the church. This would have been a huge  blow to mom’s dad,  personally as a minister, and could have been the reason for his retirement, given church rules at the time. It could even have been a forced resignation made to look like a retirement.

The second scandal would have been living arrangements, for the duration of the pregnancy and the 13 months of my life before the wedding, putting 2 and 2 together with little bits of information given out over the years, I suspect they had no alternative but to live together.

One of the reasons I think this was the case,  with them trying to fly under the radar, was again, bits and pieces from mom’s stories about my birth. Wearing dad’s shirts as smocks. Taking herself to the hospital only to be told, come back in six months and maybe she would have something, (staying small would have been to go unnoticed). Then a few hours later giving birth to a 6 pound baby girl. Upset because the father of her child was out partying with her brother, when he should have been there with her.

I don’t know much about the wedding plans either except that one of dad’s sisters stood up with mom, and mom had a beautiful dress. They were married in the Catholic church after she promised the priest their children would be raised Catholic. In my experience dad was not a church goer so I’m guessing this was an empty promise. We weren’t brought up in either church.

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For religious reasons, this marriage was  unacceptable to both sides of the family, but with children involved what choice did they have.

During pregnancy and beyond, our home would have been filled with angst. Dad wasn’t ready for marriage or kids, his actions showed that, and it would be pretty safe to say  mom wasn’t ready either. My birth was not the happy occasion it would have been under normal circumstances. If babies hear while in the womb, and pick up on emotions, there would have been lots for me to hear and feel.

Apparently, the introvert in me surfaced early. There were stories. About how, as a baby, I didn’t warm up to dad and he wasn’t happy. About how I would cry if anyone looked at me when we were out in public. About how I wouldn’t go to  anyone.

Not such a great beginning, for any of us.

There were other things, besides the events of my birth, adding to my desire for invisibility, but we will save them for another tell-all chapter.

I’m sure other family members have heard stories over the years and could shed light on some things. I would love to hear your stories sometime.

Well, we need a few books now…to lighten things up a bit

The Amish Bishop Mysteries – What the Bishop Saw book 1 – Vannetta Chapman….. this was one of my favorite books this week…. the Bishop has a gift that is more of a burden than a blessing, tragic happenings prompt him to overcome his reluctance to use it, to help find answers.

The Sisters of Sugarcreek – Cathy Liggett ….. an elderly aunt dies leaving a knitting shop to her untalented niece, a fire destroys a church and a way of life for one charitable woman, the same fire kills a fireman leaving a widow without the skills to deal with her everyday life. Three ladies drawn together to form an unbreakable bond, each one having something the others need. I really liked this book of healing and restoration.

The Teacup Novellas – At Legends End book 4 – Diane Moody….. This was another favorite this week, I always enjoy Diane Moody’s books and this series was a favorite. A beautiful B&B, in an old house with tragedy in it’s past, the question on everyone’s mind…does the legend still hold true? I was happy that in spite of the Novella tag it seemed to be a regular length book.

An Offering: The Tale of Therese – Allison Pittman ….  this was a short, but good, story about a little girl and how life changed for her.

I have a string of unfinished books this time too, so they haven’t all been great, which only makes me appreciate the good ones even more 🙂

There are a lot of good books out there and I hope you are discovering them.

Until next time, Happy Reading!

 

 

 

 

 

love my flowers…. and books

/ For the Love of Books / 1 Comment

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I have to share a couple of pictures of my yard. I am blessed with beautiful flower beds, thanks to the previous owners who were avid gardeners. Lucky for me there are many perennials and flowering bushes, saving me from having to figure out what to fill the beds with each spring, and a bonus, their flower choices still grace the yard each summer.

I would share more pictures, more often, but photography is not my strong point. There is a good reason for that, aside from the fact I have a smart phone and no camera. I’m an introvert, someone might see me, standing about, looking for the perfect angle. That would be a tragedy of epic proportions. I check to see if anyone is out and about, or has their curtains open, then take my flower pictures as quickly and discreetly as possible. Once in a while it works out. This next picture isn’t one of those times. 🙂

I had a visitor last night. Don’t know who he belongs to but he decided this was a good place to groom and settle in for a nap. I could have taken my time setting this up, it was a long nap.20170715_191327.jpg

I haven’t mentioned books read in the last few posts, so this is catch up time.

A Story of Second Chances – The Heart Mender – Andy Andrews…. This is one of my favorites this week, from one of my new favorite authors. It’s a story of life, loss, and reconciliation. Unlike any other story I’ve read, I like that.

Out of Egypt Series – Counted With the Stars book 1 – Connilyn Cossette … Another favorite this week, the story of Moses and the Red Sea from a different perspective. The protagonist is a beautiful young Egyptian girl, used to a privileged life style, suddenly sold into slavery to satisfy her father’s debts.

Life Unexpected Series – Safe in His Arms book 1- Melanie D Snitker…..  a beautiful girl running for her life, I expected it to be a rerun of a familiar theme, I took a chance and it wasn’t. I liked this book a lot too.

Sunriver Dreams Series – A Love to Treasure book 1 – Kimberly Rose Johnson …  another familiar theme, the protagonist’s grandmother passes leaving a last request. This book also didn’t meet my low expectations of a rerun. It turned out to be an adventure, with twists and turns to keep things interesting until the end.

Southern Hearts Series – Blown Together book 4 – Janet W Ferguson …. two main characters, each with issues, blown together when a tropical storm rages through. This was a good read, a book I would read again and enjoy.

Ray Elkins Thriller Series – Shelf Ice book 4 – Aaron Stander ….. this book has excellent reviews and I agree with them, it definitely held my attention. I’ve never read anything  with shelf ice before, an interesting touch.

Courage to Dream Series – Irish Meadows book 1 – Susan Anne Mason …. this was my least favorite book this time but it was still worth reading. It didn’t flow well at times and was frustrating in spots, I did make it to the end though and was glad I did.

Windswept Bay Series – With This Ring book 6 – Debra Clopton …. this was a fun book. A little boy is determined to have the father he asked Santa for. Makes for some interesting twists and delightfully embarrassing moments.

Elite Guardians Series – Always Watching book 1 – Lynette Eason …. a psychiatrist and radio show host has a stalker, his concerned father hires an agency to supply a body guard, an agency made up of strong, well trained, women.  A thriller.

Cowboy Fairytales Series – Once Upon a Cowboy – Lacy Williams …. I’m not a big fan of contemporary retelling of fairy tales but this one worked for me. It was well done and interesting. I wish it had been longer, with a chance to more fully develop the last part of the story, the ending felt hurried and cut short. It was a good read though.

I am currently reading Once in a Blue Year by Michael Durkota, it was a book reviewed by the RedheaderBooklover   her glowing review enticed me to check it out to see if I would agree. So far, I am agreeing but will wait for the end to say for sure. 🙂

Hopefully you will find treasures too, in some of these suggestions.

Happy reading! Until next time.

Those of us who don’t believe in divorce…..should.

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I think, those of us who don’t believe in divorce should believe…. there is no accountability or consequence without the possibility of divorce.

It seems to me, in this world of no divorce, we live in a bubble outside of reality.  Our lives have to look perfect to prove we are real. We have to live behind masks to prove we are not phonies. Appearances matter and we become experts at keeping them up.

The truth of the matter is; not one of us is as perfect as our image leads others to believe.

We need to allow ourselves, and each other, to come out from behind our masks and let truth be known. It is possible to love God desperately but stumble and fall, get sick, go bankrupt, or have unruly kids. It is also possible to give the appearance of loving God, with a put together life, while not loving Him at all.

I think, we end up behind a mask because we are afraid of what people will think, we are afraid of being judged and ostracized, we put unfair pressure on ourselves and each other.

Sometimes our masks cover destructive behaviours;  some that affect our families, some that happen to our families. While all of us are good at keeping secrets, some of us keep secrets that would have us sent to jail in the real world. The wearing, and the acceptance, of masks makes it possible for this behaviour to continue unchecked.

Consequences may or may not cause the offender to change their behaviour but it would be worth a try.

I think God is sad when He sees divorce for frivolous reasons, but His heart is broken when He see abuse.

 

Married & Alone: a review, and a story

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Last week the book review was for Intimacy Anorexic, this week it is for Married & Alone, the companion book by Doug Weiss PhD. The truth of these books will turn your world upside down, as new understanding dawns.

Several posts ago, in regard to my life’s journey, I mentioned that although great strides had been made, there were still areas in my life needing answers. Many decades into the process, sadly, the end was not yet here.

No matter the number of contacts made, books read, or the time invested in understanding dynamics, things were still unclear for me.

One possible reason for his lack of interest in me; could he be gay? I entertained this possibility more than once through the years but was never convinced it could be true. Too many indicators to prove otherwise.

I knew he had thick, high walls of protection I’d never been allowed behind. He had  a passive way of deflecting so the walls were not a blatant issue. He had a passive/dismissive way about most things, which meant it was hard to grasp hold of what was really going on. It was hard to get an exploratory discussion going because it was like smoke and mirrors, it isn’t solid so how can it be discussed.

I knew for sure there was no connection between us, living with him was beyond lonely.

Occasionally, other questions cropped up. Like, why is there a sense of competition between us, why would he feel threatened by me, even though I make sure to stay away from those areas he claims as his.

Or, why would he throw me under the bus, in front of other people, wasn’t he supposed to be my protector? If he loved me, wouldn’t he stand up for me?

I was frustrated because we were pretending to have this perfect happy marriage.

I was frustrated because of the deep inexplicable pain no one, including me, seemed to understand.

Eventually, I heard about this book, Married & Alone, and I thought, THAT’S ME.

I wish I had read it when I first heard about it but things sometimes happen only when the time is right. Reading the book now has filled in the blanks and answered  the questions.

Here are some of the treasures found in this book:

  • Clear definitions of  the Intimacy Anorexic and the effect on the spouse of such a person.

It is validating to know I’m not crazy, it isn’t my imagination, it isn’t my fault, and, I couldn’t fix any of it – no matter how hard I would try.

  • Clear descriptions of what the recovery process should look like, and what it looks like if it isn’t happening.

Believe actions, not words. Know the signs to show actions are happening.

  • Clear information regarding credentials and qualifications of professional help, and questions to ask in determining your needs.

I’ve never seen this information laid out as clearly and concisely. This section alone makes the book worthwhile.

  • Clearly shows the path from discovery point to the end question,  what now – stay or leave?

Rather than offer opinions or directions, Dr. Weiss offers questions to ask and truths to consider. His purpose is to help guide us through the murky and confusing world that is our life, helping us come to a place of understanding. With understanding, we have the tools to make a decision about the right course of action for our unique situation.

For me; it was wonderful to get to the end of the book and realize that, with God’s help, I had done everything Dr. Weiss laid out as steps toward healing. I had no previous idea about any of this but earnestly prayed for wisdom and direction, then when things occurred to me, and seemed logical, I did them.  Therapists, books, and knowledge, may not always be available to you, even then, help is still available from the One who never leaves us or forsakes us, the One who can teach us, and guide us to all the help we need.

I now have a clear picture of what was going on, I know everything that could be done has been done. There is a feeling of closure as this part of my healing journey is finally complete.

I hope you will read both books, the understanding gained will change your life and the lives of those around you.

The take away in regard to recovery: no more secrets; and each one must be willing to do the hard work.

These, and other helpful books, can be found at dougweiss.com or on Amazon

There is also a dedicated site   intimacyanorexia.com

There will be more posts in regard to this subject, I feel sure. The last step in the twelve step program charges us with the responsibility of helping others reach this place in the journey. Everyone needs someone to come alongside. We don’t journey alone, we are in this together.

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy Anorexia: a review

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Intimacy Anorexia: Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage by Douglas Weiss PHD.

Up until recently I knew of this book only by quotes I’d read. They were helpful but for some reason I never did read the whole book. Now I am wishing I had, much sooner.   Questions that have plagued me for years, and questions I hadn’t thought to ask, have been answered. At the start of the book I had questions in mind about one relationship, at the end, there were answers about 4 or 5 relationships.

Pondering  my new discoveries, I realize; this is not a new dilemma in families and relationships. This is an ancient generational issue.

In the introduction, Dr. Weiss mentions how he and his colleagues began to notice, in their practices of treating sex addicts, a type of client they couldn’t clinically explain.

This person, usually but not always, a male, was addicted to sex but was not having sex with his spouse.

Eventually, Dr. Weiss and his colleagues realized this practise had more to do with avoiding intimacy than it had to do with avoiding sex.

In case you think this is something that couldn’t be affecting you, Dr. Weiss mentions 25% and higher, as the number of people living with this.

You might be wondering, too, how this situation could fit so many relationships in my life. It turns out, avoidance of emotional intimacy affects not just the spouse but the whole family, in varying degrees.

Most statistics are based on information gathered. Many of us keep the family secrets,  what would stats be like if we didn’t?

In this book, the author will give a definition, characteristics, causes, patterns and strategies, and much more. This information will be helpful to both the addict and the spouse. There is also a companion workbook with exercises and a twelve step program to help with recovery.

If you read the book and need more help than it provides, they have phone in counselling sessions that can arranged. They also have three day, intensives, on site at their counselling center.

As Dr. Weiss says, their goal is to promote healing of this unique addiction process that is devastating so many marriages.

This book, and many of his other books, can be found on Amazon.com  Amazon.ca and probably other Amazon sites as well.

Books can also be ordered directly from his website  drdougweiss.com

A companion book to Intimacy Anorexia is Married and Alone and focuses on the spouse. I hope to read it soon and post another review.

If any of this strikes a chord in your heart and mind, I hope you will pursue this information more quickly than I have.

Also, if anyone wants to talk about this, the best place is probably on my Facebook page Janette McCormack-Blogger. Either a comment or a message. Keep in mind though, it is a public site.

May you find needed healing, and blessings, in these resources.

 

 

 

Should we care what people think?

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Is this a question you ask yourself when you write? I have been asking myself this question, again, the last few days, partly because of my own up and down emotions, partly  because of recent bloggers comments. It seems we all wrestle with this recurring question in one form or another.

I can remember the turmoil, before taking the plunge into blogging. I worried about  how, or even if, I could handle opposition and nasty comments. The comments on Facebook and news sites were nasty, I assumed this was a universal reaction to blogs everywhere. Happily, it seems the opposite is true, judging by the comments, or lack of comments, on this site. We are polite and kind to one another, which is a pleasant surprise. Or maybe it’s the filters built into this site protecting us. Either way, it seems to be a safe place.

The question of honesty and openness is big enough to be left for another day. But, in regard to the aspect of caring what others think when we share honestly- I am coming to  recognize that people are free to choose when to read and when not to read.  If this is the case, we can stop beating ourselves up over possibly offending our readers. If they don’t like how we think they will move on. The circle of people surrounding us will appreciate our thoughts…. unless they are simply there to build up their own numbers, in which case they probably don’t read our blog anyway, so it’s all good. At least that’s what I tell myself.

The plus side of sharing honestly, whether anyone reads it or not, is the self discovery that comes by laying things out in a logical and clear fashion. Moments of realization.

I’ve had a few of those recently, they would account for the up and down emotions of the last few days.

A time of sharing will come after a time of processing these new discoveries. Preceded by a time of thinking about who will be offended by the sharing.

The self discovery is worth it, I can tell you that, no matter what anyone thinks.

If you, too, are struggling with this question, I hope you will forge ahead with writing honestly, to experience more of your own moments of realization and the freedom it brings.

 

Check out some of the good books read this last week or so.

An Avery Black Mystery – Cause to Kill book 1 – Blake Pierce ….. a strong female protagonist with a broken and scandal ridden past tracks down a serial killer. I enjoy Blake Pierce mysteries.

Detective Madison Knight Series – Sacrifice book 3 – Carolyn Arnold … a young man washes up on the shore, there are forces at work to hinder the investigation.

Called to Serve Series – Deployed book 1 – Mel Odom….  a strong female protagonist

Deborah Jones Crime Thriller Series – Miami Requiem book 1 – J B Turner ….. a determined reporter trying to track down the truth about a murder before the death penalty is carried out.

A Nuts About Nuts cozy mystery – A Tough Case to Crack – Cindy Bell…… a move, to a new life, only to find things are not as expected

Sullivan and Broderick Murder Investigation – The Rock book 1 – Robert Daws

False Identity – Jennifer Youngblood and Sandra Poole…..   romance

The Sweethaven Circle Series – A Sweethaven Summer book 1 – Courtney Walsh….. four inseparable friends are drawn back together as adults, after many years of separation.

Montana Skies Series – Cry of My Heart book 1 – Linda Ford …. adults faced with brokenness, a result of their childhood loses, and how it is crippling their adult lives and a love that started in their preteen years.

Here’s to discovering Good books to read!