reading

A tell-all chapter

/ For the Love of Books / 2 Comments

If I were writing a memoir (which I’m not, at least not yet anyway) most readers would be looking for tell-all chapters. This might qualify.

In the last post love my flowers…. and books I mentioned that I am an introvert and if the neighbours were to see me trying to take pictures of the flowers in my yard, it would be a tragedy of epic proportions. At the time, I said this somewhat tongue in cheek, but, as I thought about it later, it felt honest rather than dramatic, and honest felt really good.

One thing always leads to another, in my mind anyway, and this line of thought lead me to consider the possible impact the early years would have had on my introverted self. I wouldn’t say those years were the cause but I can see how they would have  contributed.

Both families moved many times over the years and eventually ended up in the same town, that’s how they met. Dad was a friend of one of mom’s brothers. It’s ironic that they were both born in Alberta, Vegreville and Youngstown, if I remember right. It seems like the they unintentionally followed each other around a bit.

Secrets have been the trademark of both families so I am short on details and have to speculate about some things.

I suspect mom was still living at home when they started going out together but don’t know for sure, I assume dad wasn’t living at home but don’t know that for sure either, I think his parents moved back to the States somewhere in that time frame. Also, I have no idea what the length of their relationship would have been, but it must not have been too short for mom’s brother to have been part of the scene. I’ve always assumed, from the information we were given through the years, that they were married the year before I was born, recently we discovered this was incorrect, they were married 13 months after I was born.

Both grandparents were strong in their faith, at least the grandmothers were, dad’s family was Catholic….church attendance was very important, Mom’s family was Protestant…… her step father was the pastor. Religious differences were a big deal.

Back in the 40s conceiving a child out of wedlock was a major scandal, both inside and outside the church. This would have been a huge  blow to mom’s dad,  personally as a minister, and could have been the reason for his retirement, given church rules at the time. It could even have been a forced resignation made to look like a retirement.

The second scandal would have been living arrangements, for the duration of the pregnancy and the 13 months of my life before the wedding, putting 2 and 2 together with little bits of information given out over the years, I suspect they had no alternative but to live together.

One of the reasons I think this was the case,  with them trying to fly under the radar, was again, bits and pieces from mom’s stories about my birth. Wearing dad’s shirts as smocks. Taking herself to the hospital only to be told, come back in six months and maybe she would have something, (staying small would have been to go unnoticed). Then a few hours later giving birth to a 6 pound baby girl. Upset because the father of her child was out partying with her brother, when he should have been there with her.

I don’t know much about the wedding plans either except that one of dad’s sisters stood up with mom, and mom had a beautiful dress. They were married in the Catholic church after she promised the priest their children would be raised Catholic. In my experience dad was not a church goer so I’m guessing this was an empty promise. We weren’t brought up in either church.

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For religious reasons, this marriage was  unacceptable to both sides of the family, but with children involved what choice did they have.

During pregnancy and beyond, our home would have been filled with angst. Dad wasn’t ready for marriage or kids, his actions showed that, and it would be pretty safe to say  mom wasn’t ready either. My birth was not the happy occasion it would have been under normal circumstances. If babies hear while in the womb, and pick up on emotions, there would have been lots for me to hear and feel.

Apparently, the introvert in me surfaced early. There were stories. About how, as a baby, I didn’t warm up to dad and he wasn’t happy. About how I would cry if anyone looked at me when we were out in public. About how I wouldn’t go to  anyone.

Not such a great beginning, for any of us.

There were other things, besides the events of my birth, adding to my desire for invisibility, but we will save them for another tell-all chapter.

I’m sure other family members have heard stories over the years and could shed light on some things. I would love to hear your stories sometime.

Well, we need a few books now…to lighten things up a bit

The Amish Bishop Mysteries – What the Bishop Saw book 1 – Vannetta Chapman….. this was one of my favorite books this week…. the Bishop has a gift that is more of a burden than a blessing, tragic happenings prompt him to overcome his reluctance to use it, to help find answers.

The Sisters of Sugarcreek – Cathy Liggett ….. an elderly aunt dies leaving a knitting shop to her untalented niece, a fire destroys a church and a way of life for one charitable woman, the same fire kills a fireman leaving a widow without the skills to deal with her everyday life. Three ladies drawn together to form an unbreakable bond, each one having something the others need. I really liked this book of healing and restoration.

The Teacup Novellas – At Legends End book 4 – Diane Moody….. This was another favorite this week, I always enjoy Diane Moody’s books and this series was a favorite. A beautiful B&B, in an old house with tragedy in it’s past, the question on everyone’s mind…does the legend still hold true? I was happy that in spite of the Novella tag it seemed to be a regular length book.

An Offering: The Tale of Therese – Allison Pittman ….  this was a short, but good, story about a little girl and how life changed for her.

I have a string of unfinished books this time too, so they haven’t all been great, which only makes me appreciate the good ones even more 🙂

There are a lot of good books out there and I hope you are discovering them.

Until next time, Happy Reading!

 

 

 

 

 

love my flowers…. and books

/ For the Love of Books / 1 Comment

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I have to share a couple of pictures of my yard. I am blessed with beautiful flower beds, thanks to the previous owners who were avid gardeners. Lucky for me there are many perennials and flowering bushes, saving me from having to figure out what to fill the beds with each spring, and a bonus, their flower choices still grace the yard each summer.

I would share more pictures, more often, but photography is not my strong point. There is a good reason for that, aside from the fact I have a smart phone and no camera. I’m an introvert, someone might see me, standing about, looking for the perfect angle. That would be a tragedy of epic proportions. I check to see if anyone is out and about, or has their curtains open, then take my flower pictures as quickly and discreetly as possible. Once in a while it works out. This next picture isn’t one of those times. 🙂

I had a visitor last night. Don’t know who he belongs to but he decided this was a good place to groom and settle in for a nap. I could have taken my time setting this up, it was a long nap.20170715_191327.jpg

I haven’t mentioned books read in the last few posts, so this is catch up time.

A Story of Second Chances – The Heart Mender – Andy Andrews…. This is one of my favorites this week, from one of my new favorite authors. It’s a story of life, loss, and reconciliation. Unlike any other story I’ve read, I like that.

Out of Egypt Series – Counted With the Stars book 1 – Connilyn Cossette … Another favorite this week, the story of Moses and the Red Sea from a different perspective. The protagonist is a beautiful young Egyptian girl, used to a privileged life style, suddenly sold into slavery to satisfy her father’s debts.

Life Unexpected Series – Safe in His Arms book 1- Melanie D Snitker…..  a beautiful girl running for her life, I expected it to be a rerun of a familiar theme, I took a chance and it wasn’t. I liked this book a lot too.

Sunriver Dreams Series – A Love to Treasure book 1 – Kimberly Rose Johnson …  another familiar theme, the protagonist’s grandmother passes leaving a last request. This book also didn’t meet my low expectations of a rerun. It turned out to be an adventure, with twists and turns to keep things interesting until the end.

Southern Hearts Series – Blown Together book 4 – Janet W Ferguson …. two main characters, each with issues, blown together when a tropical storm rages through. This was a good read, a book I would read again and enjoy.

Ray Elkins Thriller Series – Shelf Ice book 4 – Aaron Stander ….. this book has excellent reviews and I agree with them, it definitely held my attention. I’ve never read anything  with shelf ice before, an interesting touch.

Courage to Dream Series – Irish Meadows book 1 – Susan Anne Mason …. this was my least favorite book this time but it was still worth reading. It didn’t flow well at times and was frustrating in spots, I did make it to the end though and was glad I did.

Windswept Bay Series – With This Ring book 6 – Debra Clopton …. this was a fun book. A little boy is determined to have the father he asked Santa for. Makes for some interesting twists and delightfully embarrassing moments.

Elite Guardians Series – Always Watching book 1 – Lynette Eason …. a psychiatrist and radio show host has a stalker, his concerned father hires an agency to supply a body guard, an agency made up of strong, well trained, women.  A thriller.

Cowboy Fairytales Series – Once Upon a Cowboy – Lacy Williams …. I’m not a big fan of contemporary retelling of fairy tales but this one worked for me. It was well done and interesting. I wish it had been longer, with a chance to more fully develop the last part of the story, the ending felt hurried and cut short. It was a good read though.

I am currently reading Once in a Blue Year by Michael Durkota, it was a book reviewed by the RedheaderBooklover   her glowing review enticed me to check it out to see if I would agree. So far, I am agreeing but will wait for the end to say for sure. 🙂

Hopefully you will find treasures too, in some of these suggestions.

Happy reading! Until next time.

Married & Alone: a review, and a story

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Last week the book review was for Intimacy Anorexic, this week it is for Married & Alone, the companion book by Doug Weiss PhD. The truth of these books will turn your world upside down, as new understanding dawns.

Several posts ago, in regard to my life’s journey, I mentioned that although great strides had been made, there were still areas in my life needing answers. Many decades into the process, sadly, the end was not yet here.

No matter the number of contacts made, books read, or the time invested in understanding dynamics, things were still unclear for me.

One possible reason for his lack of interest in me; could he be gay? I entertained this possibility more than once through the years but was never convinced it could be true. Too many indicators to prove otherwise.

I knew he had thick, high walls of protection I’d never been allowed behind. He had  a passive way of deflecting so the walls were not a blatant issue. He had a passive/dismissive way about most things, which meant it was hard to grasp hold of what was really going on. It was hard to get an exploratory discussion going because it was like smoke and mirrors, it isn’t solid so how can it be discussed.

I knew for sure there was no connection between us, living with him was beyond lonely.

Occasionally, other questions cropped up. Like, why is there a sense of competition between us, why would he feel threatened by me, even though I make sure to stay away from those areas he claims as his.

Or, why would he throw me under the bus, in front of other people, wasn’t he supposed to be my protector? If he loved me, wouldn’t he stand up for me?

I was frustrated because we were pretending to have this perfect happy marriage.

I was frustrated because of the deep inexplicable pain no one, including me, seemed to understand.

Eventually, I heard about this book, Married & Alone, and I thought, THAT’S ME.

I wish I had read it when I first heard about it but things sometimes happen only when the time is right. Reading the book now has filled in the blanks and answered  the questions.

Here are some of the treasures found in this book:

  • Clear definitions of  the Intimacy Anorexic and the effect on the spouse of such a person.

It is validating to know I’m not crazy, it isn’t my imagination, it isn’t my fault, and, I couldn’t fix any of it – no matter how hard I would try.

  • Clear descriptions of what the recovery process should look like, and what it looks like if it isn’t happening.

Believe actions, not words. Know the signs to show actions are happening.

  • Clear information regarding credentials and qualifications of professional help, and questions to ask in determining your needs.

I’ve never seen this information laid out as clearly and concisely. This section alone makes the book worthwhile.

  • Clearly shows the path from discovery point to the end question,  what now – stay or leave?

Rather than offer opinions or directions, Dr. Weiss offers questions to ask and truths to consider. His purpose is to help guide us through the murky and confusing world that is our life, helping us come to a place of understanding. With understanding, we have the tools to make a decision about the right course of action for our unique situation.

For me; it was wonderful to get to the end of the book and realize that, with God’s help, I had done everything Dr. Weiss laid out as steps toward healing. I had no previous idea about any of this but earnestly prayed for wisdom and direction, then when things occurred to me, and seemed logical, I did them.  Therapists, books, and knowledge, may not always be available to you, even then, help is still available from the One who never leaves us or forsakes us, the One who can teach us, and guide us to all the help we need.

I now have a clear picture of what was going on, I know everything that could be done has been done. There is a feeling of closure as this part of my healing journey is finally complete.

I hope you will read both books, the understanding gained will change your life and the lives of those around you.

The take away in regard to recovery: no more secrets; and each one must be willing to do the hard work.

These, and other helpful books, can be found at dougweiss.com or on Amazon

There is also a dedicated site   intimacyanorexia.com

There will be more posts in regard to this subject, I feel sure. The last step in the twelve step program charges us with the responsibility of helping others reach this place in the journey. Everyone needs someone to come alongside. We don’t journey alone, we are in this together.

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy Anorexia: a review

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Intimacy Anorexia: Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage by Douglas Weiss PHD.

Up until recently I knew of this book only by quotes I’d read. They were helpful but for some reason I never did read the whole book. Now I am wishing I had, much sooner.   Questions that have plagued me for years, and questions I hadn’t thought to ask, have been answered. At the start of the book I had questions in mind about one relationship, at the end, there were answers about 4 or 5 relationships.

Pondering  my new discoveries, I realize; this is not a new dilemma in families and relationships. This is an ancient generational issue.

In the introduction, Dr. Weiss mentions how he and his colleagues began to notice, in their practices of treating sex addicts, a type of client they couldn’t clinically explain.

This person, usually but not always, a male, was addicted to sex but was not having sex with his spouse.

Eventually, Dr. Weiss and his colleagues realized this practise had more to do with avoiding intimacy than it had to do with avoiding sex.

In case you think this is something that couldn’t be affecting you, Dr. Weiss mentions 25% and higher, as the number of people living with this.

You might be wondering, too, how this situation could fit so many relationships in my life. It turns out, avoidance of emotional intimacy affects not just the spouse but the whole family, in varying degrees.

Most statistics are based on information gathered. Many of us keep the family secrets,  what would stats be like if we didn’t?

In this book, the author will give a definition, characteristics, causes, patterns and strategies, and much more. This information will be helpful to both the addict and the spouse. There is also a companion workbook with exercises and a twelve step program to help with recovery.

If you read the book and need more help than it provides, they have phone in counselling sessions that can arranged. They also have three day, intensives, on site at their counselling center.

As Dr. Weiss says, their goal is to promote healing of this unique addiction process that is devastating so many marriages.

This book, and many of his other books, can be found on Amazon.com  Amazon.ca and probably other Amazon sites as well.

Books can also be ordered directly from his website  drdougweiss.com

A companion book to Intimacy Anorexia is Married and Alone and focuses on the spouse. I hope to read it soon and post another review.

If any of this strikes a chord in your heart and mind, I hope you will pursue this information more quickly than I have.

Also, if anyone wants to talk about this, the best place is probably on my Facebook page Janette McCormack-Blogger. Either a comment or a message. Keep in mind though, it is a public site.

May you find needed healing, and blessings, in these resources.

 

 

 

Should we care what people think?

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Is this a question you ask yourself when you write? I have been asking myself this question, again, the last few days, partly because of my own up and down emotions, partly  because of recent bloggers comments. It seems we all wrestle with this recurring question in one form or another.

I can remember the turmoil, before taking the plunge into blogging. I worried about  how, or even if, I could handle opposition and nasty comments. The comments on Facebook and news sites were nasty, I assumed this was a universal reaction to blogs everywhere. Happily, it seems the opposite is true, judging by the comments, or lack of comments, on this site. We are polite and kind to one another, which is a pleasant surprise. Or maybe it’s the filters built into this site protecting us. Either way, it seems to be a safe place.

The question of honesty and openness is big enough to be left for another day. But, in regard to the aspect of caring what others think when we share honestly- I am coming to  recognize that people are free to choose when to read and when not to read.  If this is the case, we can stop beating ourselves up over possibly offending our readers. If they don’t like how we think they will move on. The circle of people surrounding us will appreciate our thoughts…. unless they are simply there to build up their own numbers, in which case they probably don’t read our blog anyway, so it’s all good. At least that’s what I tell myself.

The plus side of sharing honestly, whether anyone reads it or not, is the self discovery that comes by laying things out in a logical and clear fashion. Moments of realization.

I’ve had a few of those recently, they would account for the up and down emotions of the last few days.

A time of sharing will come after a time of processing these new discoveries. Preceded by a time of thinking about who will be offended by the sharing.

The self discovery is worth it, I can tell you that, no matter what anyone thinks.

If you, too, are struggling with this question, I hope you will forge ahead with writing honestly, to experience more of your own moments of realization and the freedom it brings.

 

Check out some of the good books read this last week or so.

An Avery Black Mystery – Cause to Kill book 1 – Blake Pierce ….. a strong female protagonist with a broken and scandal ridden past tracks down a serial killer. I enjoy Blake Pierce mysteries.

Detective Madison Knight Series – Sacrifice book 3 – Carolyn Arnold … a young man washes up on the shore, there are forces at work to hinder the investigation.

Called to Serve Series – Deployed book 1 – Mel Odom….  a strong female protagonist

Deborah Jones Crime Thriller Series – Miami Requiem book 1 – J B Turner ….. a determined reporter trying to track down the truth about a murder before the death penalty is carried out.

A Nuts About Nuts cozy mystery – A Tough Case to Crack – Cindy Bell…… a move, to a new life, only to find things are not as expected

Sullivan and Broderick Murder Investigation – The Rock book 1 – Robert Daws

False Identity – Jennifer Youngblood and Sandra Poole…..   romance

The Sweethaven Circle Series – A Sweethaven Summer book 1 – Courtney Walsh….. four inseparable friends are drawn back together as adults, after many years of separation.

Montana Skies Series – Cry of My Heart book 1 – Linda Ford …. adults faced with brokenness, a result of their childhood loses, and how it is crippling their adult lives and a love that started in their preteen years.

Here’s to discovering Good books to read!

Now on Facebook too

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I’ve just started a Facebook page, Janette McCormack-Blogger , that’s the big news for today. There’s not much there yet but at least it is started and I will work on filling it out.

If you like to follow on Facebook I look forward to seeing you there.

This week has been a time of heavy thinking and I’ve needed a little distraction; some of these books have done it for me,  a couple of lighter reads along with.. a not so light read.

It has been a good week for downloads too. Some weeks are slimmer than others so a week with lots of good choices feels like Christmas!

Books Read

A Bradford Sisters Novella  – Then Came You – Becky Wade

Modern Conveniences Series – Lost in Love book 3 – Leah Atwood

The Mystery: Finding True Love in a World of Broken Lovers – Lacey Sturm…..  this is non-fiction, the poignant story of  a life of struggle.

Christmas Mysteries Book Series – Christmas Mystery – James Kipling

Is there a common thread?

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I believe there is.

This blog seems to have fallen into two different areas, with different audiences. My mind even puts them in separate camps when I write.

I’ve spent considerable time today thinking about the relationship between Life Story and Books …. not by design, it just happened. Maybe all this thinking was triggered by the few pages read while investigating a book to download –  “The Mystery – Finding True Love in a World of Broken Lovers” by Lacey Sturm. (a book I am very much looking forward to reading)

At the end of the day I’ve had to admit, while not everyone is wanting to think about both, the subjects of life and books are intertwined,

The reason I think this is:

  • We all have a story, we all face good times and bad, age has very little bearing on when either will happen.
  • Many of us find reading to be a refuge in our troubled places, our love of reading becomes deeper than ever.
  • We may seek help by reading books related to our situations, other times a character in a story will say or do something that strikes a chord and changes our perspective, a little.
  • However it goes, in good times and bad, books are a major part of a readers life. Books and life, intertwined.

I will admit, writing about books is much easier – and more fun. Writing about my story –  definitely harder. I do it because there is someone out there needing to know they aren’t alone in the their struggle. And….for those who have yet to face hard places,……. maybe they will remember something helpful when they do.

“Into every life a little rain must fall” I’m not sure who said it but it’s true. Another truth, “this too shall pass”. Both the good and the bad. Just hold on. And read a good book!

Several more books

The Gin Palace Trilogy – The Bone Orchard book 2, The Gin Palace book 3 – Daniel Judson   I liked the first two books the best, the third one felt like he was just trying to get it done.

Beastly Charm: a contemporary retelling of Beauty and the Beast – Jennifer Youngblood, and Sandra Poole …  an enjoyable read

Happy Reading!

Be an avid reader, to become an excellent writer

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This is my advice to aspiring writers with a promising story inside.

Read really good books, and only good books. You time is valuable and in short supply, don’t spend it on a book that is less than excellent. I know excellence by the way it captures my interest. Genre doesn’t matter, nor does the reputation of the author. The only thing that matters is the way the story draws you in.

Avidly reading excellent books will impact your writing. It’s like eating gourmet food, it spoils you for anything less.

As you experience phrases like “the blue and red colours of the neon sign bled into the wet street”, from The Poisoned Rose by Daniel Judson, they will stick in your mind and you will automatically know a better way to say things.

Don’t spend too much time over-thinking the choice of  book to read. Some of my best finds have been when there was little thought at all, just the seizing of an opportunity.

BookBub, Amazon, Instafreebie, and Gospel eBooks, have become my best friends, I’ve found so many treasures paying attention to their offerings.

Read anything and everything, and then read more of the authors you want to be like, spend enough time with them and you will begin to write like them.

That’s what I am doing…. all of the above, and it is changing me.

Currently reading “The Bone Orchard” sequel to “The Poisoned Rose” by Daniel Judson

To good reading!

The best stories use actions to give the details

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I love being drawn in to a story, like I am really there, a fly on the wall watching it all happen. I love feeling the emotions….

NCIS is one of my favorite TV shows…… because the actors are so convincing they make you feel like you are watching their life. You forget it is only a story.

When books do the same thing…. there’s nothing better!

Two books stood out this week.

Tara Sharp Series – Sharp Shooter book 1 – Marianne Delacourt …. this was such a fun  read. Tara has the ability to see auras around people, a gift that can be as distressing as it is helpful. Trouble seems to follow her around as she tries to unravel mysteries, using her gift, and that adds to the fun, for the reader.

The Gin Palace Trilogy – The Poisoned Rose book 1 – Daniel Judson….  the thing I loved most about this book was the way details were demonstrated by actions. Daniel Judson has done a masterful job of that. The story was engaging too, enough that I want to read the rest of the series, something I don’t often do.

There was a third mystery this week, it came in just behind these two.

A Spider Latham Red Rock Mystery – Trouble at the Red Pueblo book 4 – Liz Adair….  My favorite thing about this book, aside from the fact it is well written, was the story line. It was fresh, engaging, and believable. It didn’t feel anything like any other book I’ve read. I love originality.

 

 

 

New pages added to this blog

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More new books at the end!

I’ve created some  new pages as a place to list books read. It’s great to list them at the bottom of each post so we can easily identity what’s new, but afterwards, they kind of get lost. Maybe a separate page would be a good way to find them again. We’ll give it a try.

The new pages are Romance….. Mystery/Thriller……. and.. Other Genres.

Other Genres is pretty much a mixed bag. If ever another category clearly shows up in this list, it can have it’s own page.

Mystery/Thriller has been published for you, the other two are still under construction.

If you find these pages helpful or interesting, leave a comment and let me know. Feedback would be useful I think.

Books read this week  –  all of them good reads

Unwritten: A Novel – Charles Martin……… as always, this novel is intensely real and engrossing, and, as always with his books, once started I couldn’t stop. I am putting this book under romance because it fits better than in mystery but it’s really not a romance. It’s about people facing life, trying to find a way to live through it.

One Last Summer – Jo Noelle…….. a short romance

The Seventh Sergeant (Three Rivers Ranch Romance Book 6)  – Liz Isaacson and Elena Johnson …… I think I’ve read most of the previous ones, this was a good story.

The Hideway – Lauren Denton ….. a romance centered around a group of unusual characters, mixed with family secrets.

Black & Blue (Lord and Lady Hetheridge Mystery Series Book 4) – Emma Jameson ….. I’ve read other book in this series and enjoyed them all.

Finding Courage (Love’s Compass Book 3) – Melanie D Snitker ……. a romance faced with intense family issues, will they survive?

Her Mother’s Hope (Marta’s Legacy Book 1) – Francine Rivers …… we grow up in difficult circumstances and run away to flee that kind of life, but in the end, have we really left it behind? or does history repeat itself anyway?