Shared from Bamboo Sketches
A story of life taking us outside our comfort zone, and finding out it’s OK
family
Romance
The recent death of my Kindle slowed me down, (read the story here (Happy New Year ) , but now I’m back in business with the arrival of the new and improved version.
The upside to technology is; improvements. The downside is …. improvements – nothing is ever the same, and I’m sad.
It looks like having to adjust to new layouts may help unearth long forgotten unread books, of which there are many. This may even inspire the reorganization of all 2500 downloads. Cull the herd, so to speak.
Who would have thought it possible to find so many suggestions tempting me to click the download button.
I have to admit, I didn’t love all of the downloaded books when I got right into them. Then I felt bad rejecting them because it occurred to me that others may find them interesting even if I didn’t. Conflicted emotions only lasted a short while and I moved on.
We all have different tastes and that is as it should be.
I’m hoping you are finding ways to discover books you can get excited about.
Now, on to some of the latest books read.
I liked all of these books well enough to talk about them but the first one was my favorite. I’d like to read the sequel if there is one.
I think I’ll stick to Romance in this post and save Mystery for the next one, change things up a bit from the usual mix.
A Pleasant Gap Romance – Just the Way You Are book 1 – Pepper Basham….. How embarrassing, the contents of her purse are spread across the airport floor because someone bumped her from behind. And, as if that isn’t bad enough, her heel caught in her purse strap and now she’s landed on top of someone. Her mortification is complete – she has squished a silver haired grandpa.
As she helps him up it’s obvious he is injured, and when he recognizes her as the guest he was sent to meet, she feels even worse. With a twinkle in his eyes, he assures her it will all be fine but please don’t mention this to his son when he picks them up.
The glare was the first hint about the reason for the strange request. His devastatingly handsome son is clearly unhappy with her visit.
Be that as it may, she has promised her uncle she will research family secrets for his upcoming book and she intends to keep that promise. No matter what kind of disapproval she faces in this handsome but glacial man.
The question is: why is he so upset by her presence? What is there about her that makes him feel so threatened? Does he have his own secrets? Are they tangled up with the secrets her family has been protecting all these years? She plans to find out, one way or the other.
Seven Brides Seven Brothers Pelican Bay – All This Love book 3 – Belle Calhoune ….. The Donahue brothers of Pelican Bay are cousins to the Donahue brothers in the popular Cape Code Series. (This distinction is important if you are like me and on first glance you’re thinking wait a minute……)
Most of the brothers in the Donahue family were adopted. (A miracle in Heath’s life – after the untimely death of his single parent mother.) They are a tight knit, fiercely protective family and they would do anything necessary to be there for each other. If they knew what needed to be done.
Heath has been keeping secrets, he’s come home from Afghanistan with deep wounds of the unseen variety, added to that, the trauma of coming home from school to discover his mother in her untimely death. Now he is barely hanging on emotionally and no one knows.
Deciding it would be kinder to sever the connection with the love of his life, to spare her the effects of the darkness in his life, he breaks up with her and walks away. Leaving her confused and devastated.
Five months of intense work with a therapist has made a difference. Now he’s beginning to second guess the break up decision and needs to see Bella, hoping to re-establish their relationship.
He’s devastated to discover she’s pregnant, and he didn’t even know, you’d think in a town this size he would have heard rumors. He wants to do the right thing and be there for her but it’s not going well …. she’s unwilling to let him back into her life just like that.
Secrets are a huge problem… so, how far is he willing to go to fix things?
Holmes Crossing – The Only Best Place book 1 – Carolyne Aarsen ….. Her husband’s business has failed and their marriage is in trouble, her husband has admitted to having an emotional affair with a co- worker. He says it’s over but she doesn’t trust him. They have grown so far apart it doesn’t seem like there is anything left to work with anymore.
It’s decided that the only alternative they have to stay afloat financially is to move back to Dan’s home town. Leslie is reluctant because she knows very little about his life before they met, and she’s a city girl – what does she know abut farming?
The surprises are huge and daunting. Leslie had no idea God was a big part of family life for him growing up. Not only is she not a farmer, she does not fit the description of a suitable mate for their son and brother.
Dan promised they would stay a year and move back to the city. Under his family’s influence, she finds he has already gone back on that promise. He has even started making other major decisions about their life and finances without consulting her.
Leslie wants to fit in and gain the family’s approval but it seems like a losing battle.
In despair with no one to talk to, she runs into the most unusual woman at an auction sale. She seems to be a free spirit, totally out of place in this farming community, and yet for some inexplicable reason she seems to fit in. The connection between them is instant and Leslie intends to get to know her better, Maybe her new friend will be able to help her navigate life in this uncomfortable place.
The Shadows Series – Secrets and Sacrifice book 4 – Juliette Duncan …. Grace is in the middle of closing arguments in a high powered case when her brother Caleb slips into the court room, sending worry into her heart. What’s happened, why is he here?
It’s their sister, she’s been found, in a run down apartment barely alive. She’s in hospital with an overdose and they all need to be there.
Brianna promised to stay clean this time but obviously hasn’t. Drugs was always her go-to place when she couldn’t handle the voices from the past. With Grace it was work. She would bury herself in it to still the voices. She wasn’t destroying her body but she was destroying her relationship with her sister, never there for her when she was needed most.
Determined to be there for her this time, Grace decides to take her sister home with her. Brianna is not comfortable in the posh surroundings and it turns out to be a bigger challenge than expected to make it work. At a loss she think’s maybe a trip with a change of scenery would work better. A plan like this would mean a leave of absence from the District Attorney’s Office. Could she do it? This job is her whole life and she’s worked very hard to get this far.
Her brother Daniel runs a successful recovery program and, with a trip in mind, Caleb is pressuring her to make use of Daniel’s offer to help. Grace is not interested, she has nothing but disapproval for his methods.
It isn’t until she runs out of options coping with Brianna that she gives up and heads in Daniel’s direction.
Now she has another dilemma in her life. Niall, the prosecutor back home is an old flame trying to rekindle the relationship. The complication is the good looking teacher, part of Daniel’s staff, who makes her heart race and her cheeks blush.
Brianna seems to be fitting in well but where does this leave Grace? Go back to her job and Niall or stay here to build a connection with family and explore the possibility of Ryan?
Happy Reading!!
Send Down The Rain
Send Down The Rain – Charles Martin
Charles Martin’s newest book.
Life for Bobby and Joseph was never the same after their father left with another woman. Damage was so severe that it sent them on downward spirals, lasting decades. Their single mother did her best to provide for them, but the threat of draft was something beyond her control. It felt like an automatic death sentence, for both of them. For her, the thought was unbearable. Although he was younger, Joseph was able to cope in ways his brother never was. The day Bobby’s draft notice arrived, Joseph was the son his mother sought out.
I have to tell you, this tale is as gripping as all his others, and once started it’s impossible to stop – without good reason.
The good reason, this time, was Thanksgiving dinner with the family. I was able to work around my obligations, be fully present for family time, and still steal enough moments to finish this book.
There is so much to see and hear in these stories, making it impossible to take it all in in one reading. I will be reading this one again.
Charles Martin books are raw, real, and yet, tell a story that repels and draws all at the same time. You cannot help but connect with the lives of the characters, laughing and crying right along with them.
PTSD, bullying, human trafficking; friendship, love, fierce loyalty to family – are all part of the basic foundation this time.
The characters are well developed, and it’s interesting to see the way their lives intersect and, in some cases, are woven together.
I love the twists and turns you don’t see coming.
If you like a story that digs deep, making sure you think and feel, this is the book for you.
Raising Attabury
It’s always an experience to read one of Staci Stallings books. Her characters face some of the many aspects of life in a way that feels real. Sometimes they make good decisions, and sometimes, they don’t. Their journey has ups and downs that most of us can relate to.
Staci always knows the ending when she starts and works steadily toward that destination. This leaves the reader with a very connected feeling. Everything has a reason, and the story is always going somewhere, somewhere worthwhile.
It was a while after download and I had forgotten what the book was about, From the title I thought it was about raising a child and that wasn’t appealing to me in that moment. It was passed over a few more times before I took a closer look, and discovered the story had nothing whatever to do with raising kids.
Raising Attabury is about the compulsion to restore a beautiful old home, even though it has fallen into such disrepair that it seems like a very bad idea.
It’s the story of a relationship that started out to be a match made in heaven but now… heaven feels like it’s a long way away.
It’s about rumors of ghosts, buried treasure, and bitter old ladies that scare the children.
It’s about beautiful endings and hard won battles.
Sometimes I lie
They tell us that we all lie…. and the one we lie to most often, is ourselves.
I agree with this idea whole heartedly. Keeping honesty in mind, I think I’ve been doing a good job at self honesty. About the way I live life. I’m convinced of it. I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m not the same person I was.
But….
Life has been feeling unsettled lately and I’m perplexed about the reason. I’ve been more introspective than usual, thinking about the last few months, of the places I’ve been and the people I’ve seen. Trying to figure out what I need to learn from it all. Wondering what is coming next, on the road of life.
They say if you want to know the truth, pay attention to actions rather than words.
Up until recently, I thought my words and actions lined up pretty well. Now I’m beginning to doubt that’s true.
A change in scenery can expose things we would never see in the everyday routine of life.
Travelling about the country for several months was just such a change. Frequenting unfamiliar public places, daily interaction with strangers, even spending unusual amounts of time with family and friends.
I thought the desire and willingness to make the trip was a sign I’ve finally been able to step outside of the old ways and move on. In some regards it’s true, I have moved on. But, an honest look, at the level of control over all possible interactions, tells me it’s not entirely true. I’m kidding myself if I think I’ve lowered the protective walls enough to let people in. The truth is, on this trip, I went to unusual lengths to keep people out.
Facing this truth, I’m not sure what I can do to change anything, but honesty is a good place to start. The thought processes have been shaken up and now I’m looking at things from a different perspective.
Help in unexpected places….
I was listening to a podcast, the other day, about How to Stop the Pain. James Richards was saying that brokenness is complex and if we focus on trying to fix ourselves, it is likely, on some levels, that we will make things worse. Like unravelling tangled yarn. Complex.
Instead of focusing on fixing, he uses the sowing analogy. Sow the seeds of what you need and it will gradually become part of your life.
I need to sow openness. I have been thinking in this direction a lot lately – that I need to make more of an effort to nod, speak, smile. It’s a good place to start and the podcast was validation of that thought.
It’s amazing how, when I’m trying to figure things out, I stumble upon a book, a podcast, or a conversation, that speaks to the very subject I’m wrestling with.
Speaking of books….
Anne Perry is a name that quickly comes to mind when asked about favorite authors.
I was introduced to her a decade or so ago and read many of her books. More recently, a book suggestion showed up in my news feed, for a volume containing the first three books in the Charlotte and Thomas Pitt series. I was delighted to find I hadn’t read any of them. I have now….. and the last one will soon be finished.
This three volume set is a good place to get started.
The murder mysteries take place in London, in the days of horses, buggies, and high society. The blending of upper and lower class adds dimension and intrigue.
Happy Reading!!
Experiences along the way
There were some things I wanted to experience, on my trip to Nashville and beyond. I wanted to find out if some places were as good as they said they were.
I probably shouldn’t use the word they, I should probably be truthful and say he. He is a funny man, given to hyperbole. Are these restaurants really the greatest, or is it just his opinion? And, if it’s just his opinion… is it one I could agree with?
This fellow is funny, fearless, has attention deficit disorder, and is always coming up with good ideas and catching them on video. He has a You Tube channel with thousands of followers and I’m sure some of his friends cringe when they see him and his cell phone coming their way. Many more don’t, though, and he manages to post some great stuff. Fun, entertaining, and touching, all in the same video sometimes.
He loves to eat in restaurants, and share the experience on line. He likes Mexican, Chick Fil A, Waffle House, In and Out burger, and many others. I did get to Waffle House and Chick fil a. I tried southern sweet tea and a fancy salad with thick slices of banana bread, at a Bob Evans restaurant. I passed a Cracker Barrel one day but had just finished lunch so didn’t get to try it out.
I’ve decided he is full of hyperbole but the food was still good. I loved the banana bread but the sweet tea… not so much. That wasn’t much of a surprise to me though as most of the time I prefer my tea hot, and straight up with no sugar.
I’m looking forward to another trip one day, maybe I can check out a few more of his recommendations.
Maine Brides Series – The Prisoner’s Wife – Susan Page Davis ….. 1720 Jack has been working diligently to make something of his farm in hopes that Lucy would agree to marry him. Her father refused him four years earlier, because of his parentage, and he has not spoken to Lucy in all these years but he still hopes.
Hope turns to despair when he is falsely accused of murdering the neighbouring farmer, and the murder weapon turns out to be his knife. The whole prejudiced town, convinced of his guilt, is determined to skip the trial and go straight to hanging
He may not survive this ordeal but maybe there is still a way to keep his valuable farm from falling into greedy hands.
Until We Reach Home – Lynn Austin….. the arrival of an abusive uncle has made life unbearable for Elin after the sudden tragic loss of her parents. Determined to spare her sisters from falling victim to the same abuse, she quietly contacts their uncle in America to see if he can help. Maybe life would be better for them far away in a new country.
He agrees but…. things don’t go as smoothly as hoped. Her sisters each have their own reasons for not wanting to leave the only home they know, and keeping them in the dark about her motivation has only fed their rebelliousness.
Elin is determined to find a way to make a happy home for her sisters, but everywhere she turns there are unexpected set backs and road blocks. Will they ever find a safe place to call theirs?
Final Witness – James Scott Bell ….. Rachel is brilliant, hard working, talented in her chosen profession, and has landed a paralegal position in a prestigious law firm, even though she hasn’t completed her final year of law school.
Her boss trusts her with critical research on a high profile criminal case and her success at finding results has produced two unhappy groups. Jealous colleagues and a threatened criminal element. Both of them have become a danger to her.
With threats on her life she is taken off the case but goes undercover to finish what she started.
Can she find away to stay alive and still do her part to win this legal battle?
Lantern Beach Mysteries – Hidden Currents book 1 – Christy Barritt ….. Detective Cady Matthews has to go into hiding after a notorious gang puts a bounty on her head for taking down their leader.
The small isolated resort town is turning out to have more going on than expected. And as Cassidy, owner of an ice cream truck, she is finding it impossible to stay out of things when a body washes up on shore and the local police are bungling the investigation.
She succumbs to looking for creative ways to help the investigation without blowing her cover, or getting her picture on national newscasts. With less than stellar success.
There is one other person in town who is also trying to hide some serious skills. They each have suspicions about the other one but somehow manage to team up without coming out and admitting anything. Maybe there is safety in numbers, maybe they will be able to look out for each other… and solve the crime.
This was a favorite read in this list. I loved the dry humour.
Murder in Room 305 – Gary C. King ….. a shocking true story of sex, greed and cold blooded murder. Kathyrn Ann Martini is a beautiful young woman with a bright future in banking, until she meets a sleazy, smooth talking man with connections to the world of crime.
Her raped and mutilated body was found at the Valley River Inn in Eugene Oregon and her husband of one year was arrested. He had recently taken out a large life insurance policy on her and hired an underworld assassin to stalk and kill his wife.
A well presented story of one of the most sensational trials in Oregon’s history.
All in One Place – Carolyne Aarsen ….. Terra Froese likes to keep people at arms length and move regularly, but an abusive boyfriend in this last place has her running for her life.
The once close relationship with her sister has become strained with neglect but she is running to her anyway, hoping for a safe place to hide until she can figure things out.
She’s managed to hitchhike within a few miles of her sister and hopes to quietly cover the last final bit but her choice in attire (dressing to make a good impression) is drawing unwanted attention. First a cop car, with two forlorn little girls in the back seat, stops and wants to know who she is and did she know anything about a wild house party last night. Next a young woman with a hungry and neglected looking baby in the back seat of her convertible, rolls up and offers a ride.
Accepting the ride and an invitation to stop for a drink at the local bar is a bad choice, spoiling her chance for a quiet entrance into town. Unwanted male attention and her attempt to discourage it lands her in jail facing an assault charge.
Making bail for your sister is not the best start to a surprise visit.
Okay, so there were two favorite reads this time.
This is a tough subject but still a fun read, with spunky characters revealing devastating secrets and finding forgiveness.
Happy reading to you, on this close to the end summer day!
Chasing Charlie
Now and then we meet a book with huge impact…. this was one of those books for me, and I know I am not alone in that.
Vince Glaser is buried in work, as lead investigator on his tightly knit FBI team. His personal life is tough. A messy divorce followed by the tragic death of his ex wife and he is a single father struggling to make life work for his six year old son.
Angela Hawkins, head strong and capable, has been Vince’s partner and best friend on the job. He owes her his life after being shot during a suspect encounter. He would have died if not for her quick action.
In the three years since his divorce and harrowing experience with death, their friendship has deepened and could possibly turn into love, but neither one of them has been willing to go down that road.
Lately, Vince has been experiencing severe abdominal pain, nausea, and weight loss, troubling enough to seek medical help. The diagnosis – Pancreatic carcinoma. Six to eight months. Devastating news. What about Charlie? He has suffered so many losses in his young life, how can Vince leave him like this? How can he tell him his father is dying.
How can he tell his team and the rest of his family he is dying, and there is so little time left.
This was a compelling story I could not put down.
Vince is determined to do whatever it takes to have more time with his son. Quitting his job, chemo therapy, whatever it takes.
His team is devastated and determined to do whatever they can to support him in his fight to live a little longer, for Charlie.
Angela is there for him, like she has always been, but it creates a tension between them. Latent feelings of attraction are fanned into flame with new circumstances. It’s impossible to spend this much time and care this deeply without thinking about wanting more.
Vince is determined he can’t ask someone to start a relationship with him under these circumstances. Angela is determined she wants to be there for him no matter how much time is left. There is no communication, on this subject, happening between them but the mindset is still affecting the ease of their friendship, and in Angela’s case – her relationships at work.
This is so well written that it was impossible not to be drawn into their lives. When they cried, I cried along with them. All of their lives have been forever changed living through this experience. My life has been impacted by living it with them.
Highly recommended. I hope you will read it too.
An insightful look into the world of love and cancer.
Wilma Derksen – writer, communicator
I want to share another awesome writer with you.
We were privileged to have a local celebrity, Wilma Derksen, as speaker at two of the writer’s events I attended this spring. Hearing Wilma was a first for me, and I was impressed. She is wise, has a sweet spirit, and relates well to her audience. I can see why she is popular and in demand.
Wilma’s writing career started with a tragic event in her life, the disappearance and murder of her young teenage daughter, Candace. The purpose of the first book was to help her make sense of the tragedy, and to assess it’s effect on her family. Publishing and making it publically available brought help and healing to many of those facing similar circumstances. It was also found to be a good resource for those working with victims of serious crime.
The first book was Have You Seen Candace. It was followed by three others, all dealing with other aspects of the coping process. Wilma is tenacious and forgiving, willing to share her secrets with us – and did, in these books. The Way of Letting Go, Confronting the Horror, and Unsettled Weather.
The opportunities as a result of these books have been amazing. She’s had invitations to speak in unexpected places. Her books have been used as educational and training resource material. She’s been given many, and varied, teaching opportunites. There have even been awards.
I’ve had the privilege of reading two of her books, so far, but will list the rest of them for you anyway.
The Way of Letting Go: One Woman’s Walk Toward Forgiveness
Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence ….. The Victim’s Journey Through the 15 Elements of Serious Crime
Unsettled Weather: How Do I Forgive . …. a group study on forgiveness using a story telling method
The next two are the ones I’ve read, and will probably read again. Unlike the first books, these two are novels. Story seemed to be a good way to share some of the wisdom she’s gained walking through this life of hers. In case you are wondering, these books are not biographical. I know, it feels like they are.
Ava Series – Path of the Heart book 1 ….. is the beautiful story of a neglected little girl who loves and feels loved, by her grandmother, a wise woman sought out by many in the community. They come by way of a special path through the forest, knowing she can help them because she has seen an angel.
Ava Series – Echo of the Soul book 2 ….. there is oppression in the community. An overbearing man, and his wife, have moved in and taken over. The man, secretly a liar and a cheat, has bullied people into following his dictates. The path has never seen this much traffic, so many coming to see the wise woman who has seen an angel. She has had many answers for them in the past, they are convinced she will have an answer for this too.
These last two books are already available on Amazon. It’s hoped the rest can be made available soon; as well as the new book that’s about to be released.
I hope these books will inspire and encourage you in your journey.
Happy reading, for a brighter tomorrow.
Staci Stallings Part 3
This is the final list of Staci Stallings books in my three-part series of posts highlighting her work. Twenty books (in five years) is an impressive list of downloads, in my estimation. Part of the reason for so many is her regular willingness to offer books free or at reduced prices….. my kind of books.
I’m pretty sure her books will show up again in my future reading lists and this won’t be the last time we see her name mentioned here.
Staci is prolific, writing in several different styles and genres. Both her writing, and her stories, have a depth that compels us to keep on reading. This makes it possible to read many books from the same author without feeling like it is getting old. I hope you will introduce some of her books to your reading list, if you haven’t already.
I liked all of these books but the one I enjoyed most in this lineup was Dance With Me
Dance With Me ….. Kaci’s dreams are shattered with an injury that won’t allow her to continue the rigorous life as prima ballerina. It’s been three years and she has no hope of ever dancing again…..until she discovers a small dance studio and begins to see a glimmer of possibility.
Josh has hated dance ever since he was bullied because of it years ago. He is in financial straits though, and his mother has decided the only way he will get anything more is to work for it, in the dance studio.
Kaci and Josh must work together and it does not go well. He suspects Kaci is either a snob, or she is hiding the true level of her qualifications. They are often at odds because they approach dance from different directions. Can they make this work? Is it even worth the struggle?
The Grace Series – Mirror Mirror book 1 …… an epic novel. Sage is living the perfect California privileged life of glitz and glamour, until she is suddenly shipped off to spend the summer with her biological dad’s family. She is about to discover that life is not as perfect as she thought it was.
Luke has lived the life of a slacker. His main talent seems to be to showing up when people need help, and right now Jaycee needs his help. Her forgotten step sister is coming for the summer and Jaycee is panicking. Luke is trying to be there for her but it’s tough. Sage is not turning out to be as horrible as he was led to believe. He’s finding it a challenge not to fall for her.
The Grace Series – When I’m Weak book 2 ….. Jaycee is part of the television industry demanding perfection within tight deadlines. Perfection is what she does best. She is trying to juggle the challenge of keeping things on track while working with a building contractor new to the world of television. A handsome building contractor.
Tragedy at home throws her a curve ball. Will she have to choose between family and her job? A job that includes the man who is becoming important to her?
The Grace Series – A Love Like This book 3 …… Rachael, a single mom with two small children, has survived many tragedies in her lifetime but the destruction of her home in a hurricane may be the one that is too much. A solution presents itself with the arrival of a television construction crew wanting to repair her house.
Caleb’s place is behind the camera, not in front of it as point man for the reconstruction project. His boss wants Caleb to step in as host this time because other obligations won’t allow him to be available for this segment. This is the big break Caleb has been hoping for but it’s complicated by his attraction to Rachael. He would have to leave when the job is complete if he wants to seize further opportunity in front of the camera.
The Grace Series – A Moment Like This book 4 prequel to book 5 …. This book is the bridge between the first three books and the final one. The characters from the first three are gathered together again and a new couple is added to the mix. Loose ends have been tied up and the stage has been set for book 5.
The Grace Series – Raising Attabury book 5 an epic novel ….. Eric and Dani have worked hard to build the successful dream life for themselves. It seems like it should be enough but it still feels like there’s something missing. Dani wants to purchase and renovate a big old house. As things move along with the renovation they find it may not even be worth salvaging after all. Will their marriage survive the rocky places this project takes them?
The Faith Series – A Little Piece of Heaven book 2 …… Jeremy thinks he has it all when, unexpectedly, everything comes crashing down and even his friends are gone.
Emily has her life all laid out and a relationship with Jeremy does not fit in with the plan. This is a college age romance. Can they overcome the obstacles and find a little piece of heaven together?
The Courage Series – White Knight book 2 …… Eve has lost the love of her life, a devastating blow that she can’t seem to move past. Her friends keep trying to set her up with guys, sad to see her alone. They are wanting to help her move on with life but it never goes over well.
A.J. finds himself in the same boat, his best friend keeps arranging disastrous blind dates for him in spite of his objections. He notices Eve’s predicament and she has his sympathy.
The Courage Series – For Real book 3 ….. Blaine has a secret and so far he has been able to keep that way…. secret.
Things begin to fall apart when an old friend comes back into his life and starts to ask hard questions. Soon, Melody begins to find that the Blaine she thought she knew is not the real Blaine.
The Friendship Series – The Easy Way Out book 2 ….. Drew is trying to pick up the pieces of his life after the perfect girl left him to marry his best friend and business partner.
It seems Charity is never able to measure up and she resents her perfect older sister for always making her look like second best. While she notices Drew – as he goes about his work – and feels sad for him, she isn’t interested in her sister’s cast offs. Still, there seems to be an attraction there. Is it worth exploring?
Thanks for reading!
Some things need to be talked about
I am convinced there are some things that need to be talked about. There could be a number of reasons for this. Maybe someone shares a similar experience and needs encouragement. Maybe someone feels lumped in with the abusers and needs reassurance. Maybe someone has the false impression that all abused women hate men and need to know that’s not true. Or, maybe it’s just to help me figure out some things. It could be for any number of reasons that haven’t even occurred to me yet. Whatever the reason, I feel pretty confident there will be some good come out of a discussion.
This post is a continuation of some things I have shared recently, regarding men and my trust issues. Men have been both a blessing and a curse in my life. In spite of the good, I’m still left with trust issues that creep up on me in a way that makes no sense sometimes. Although, maybe it would make sense if I could uncover the old memories triggering these reactions and deal with them somehow.
Today was one of those days. My niece has the sweetest young husband and I met him for the first time. They stayed over night with me as they are travelling back to Western Canada, they were easy to have around. We found lots of interesting things to talk about, it was a great visit. In the morning though, when it was time for them to leave, it was awkward. I wanted to hug them both good bye but I just couldn’t bring myself to initiate a hug with him. I cannot explain to you why that was, there was just something holding me back.
I am still beating myself up over it.
He could have hugged me and I would have responded, but he didn’t know that.
This is an ongoing issue with me, it happens all the time with my son-in-law, whom I love dearly. I want to hug him like I do the rest of the family, but I just can’t. He could hug me but I sense he has some of the same trust issues I do. It seems we end up hugging with a look.
So, getting back to the initial thinking behind this new post.
There is a question I have been asking myself for the last couple of weeks – how can I have empathy and distrust all at the same time? It seems like it should one or the other. Black or white.
For a short while, I was worried there was something emotionally wrong with me, and that was distressing because I didn’t want it to be true. The concern over this idea was quickly relieved when someone shared a video on Facebook about a five year old brother comforting his little sister. In a flash, it struck a deep cord with me. I realize I learned to love at a very early age, even while I was learning to distrust.
I am the oldest of three with two brothers. There are five years between the oldest and the youngest and there has always been a strong bond between us. Until now I have never really questioned why that is. I can see that I need to start asking more questions.
When I was thirteen or fourteen, living with my grandparents, I was asked to babysit, briefly, for several families with young babies. These were people I had never met. At the time I wondered why they would consider me, but it didn’t occur to me to question why I felt like I could do the job. Now it occurs to me to ask the question.
Why did I feel confident I could comfort a crying baby or change a dirty diaper? Why did Grandma have enough confidence to allow me to take the job? There were no babies in our life with her, any experience I had with them would have come from another time.
At this point, looking back on our family dynamics, I can see my mother pressing me into service with my youngest brother. I’m sure Grandma would have been aware of this fact. I have no memory of any of it, but then, I don’t remember a lot of things. It turned out I did indeed know how. I still do.
My youngest brother’s great grandson Jax. We’ve just met for the first time (a year ago). His mother took this picture.
There’s more….
Lately, I have been having conversations with my older brother about our life in the early years. He remembers some things I don’t (my mind has buried all of the painful parts) and hearing what he had to say tells me – life was even worse than I imagined. Among other things, he said Dad was not a nice man.
He told me a number of things about those days but there was one story that shook me.
It was about Dad driving on the railroad tracks running behind our property, he was playing chicken with oncoming trains. I had heard these stories for years and used to laugh, thinking it was something my crazy risk taking father would do. What I didn’t realize at the time – my brother was with him, scared out of his mind. That’s one of the reasons why Dad did it, it was his perverse way of trying to force this kid to grow some courage. It finally stopped when my 10 year old brother made up his mind he wasn’t going to let his fear show anymore. I’m horrified Dad would do that to a kid.
We also talked about another time I do remember. It was Dad beating my brother with a piece of hose, in front of all of us. A tool was missing from his work shop and he was convinced it was my brother’s fault. I can still remember the distress of watching this happen. I could never understand why Mom did nothing to stop it.
One thing I’ve learned, by first hand experience, boys suffer from abuse as deeply as girls. That is the genesis of my soft heart for men, surviving life alongside my brothers, recognizing the pain in their life.
My oldest brother is the reason I’ve left denial behind and have taken ownership of the abusive early years in my life. He adamantly insisted that I must, even if the memories were shadowy and I couldn’t remember the actual events. He wanted to know why I thought I would be the favoured one, to escape abuse.
All three of us have blocked painful memories, but deep inside, we will never forget.
Our story does have a happy ending in spite of the terrible years. All three of us have grown into well adjusted, productive, loving people. We’ve left behind the bitterness and rage. A miracle, really.
One thing I’ve loved about this process of discovery – the heavy load of old baggage seems to grow lighter with each breakthrough experience.
For the Love of Books 