Month: October 2021

Free and bargain books October 23, 2021

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This is a slow book day but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We’ve had quite a few books already this week and slow will give us a chance to catch up so we’ll be ready for more next week.

BookBub has a bargain suggestion for us. We’ve seen a number of books from this author in the last year or two.

Honoring Lena: A Sweet Romantic Suspense (Stryker Security Force Book 7)

She wants her fiancé’s betrayers found. He yearns to fix a horrible mistake. When tensions explode, will they find an ally in each other or an enemy?

Lena Rebel’s heart bled out when her military mission went south and her fiancé never made it home alive.
Two years later, she still struggles between her drive to gain justice for his death and the potential for healing she’s found in the Stryker Security Force. When her next protection assignment has her acting as nanny, her patience and resolve is tested.

Marshall Rand’s entire existence revolves around redeeming the one decision that cost him everything.
After finding out his wife was used and murdered to manipulate his vote in Congress, Marshall spends his energy doing everything he can to support the military that he failed. When his son’s life is threatened and he needs covert help, he calls the best security team he knows.

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I’m currently reading an interesting book that doesn’t qualify as a feel-good read. It’s more like real and raw. Not raw in a bad way, just slightly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is good.

Tea for Three: A heartwarming story about life, love, and true friendship (A Mulberry Lane Novel Book 1)

Three women. Three cups of tea. Three new beginnings.
Sarah Gardner’s husband went to sleep one night in November and never woke up. At forty-years-old, the new widow is left to care for their three children, all of whom are under the age of five.

Twenty-five-year-old Filipina, Kate Morgan, thought she had met the man of her dreams during what was a perfect summer vacation. Now married to the handsome American who had swept her off her feet, and over 8000 miles away from home, Kate soon realizes that her mother was right: vacations end and people change.

Louise Delaney couldn’t ask for anything more. At fifty-nine, she had enjoyed almost four decades of blissful marriage to Warren–may his soul rest in peace. But Louise’s seemingly perfect world is upended when she gets a visit from a sixteen-year-old who says she is Warren’s daughter.

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Winter is setting in y’all. The furnace is kicking in often, something we haven’t heard in quite a while.

Have a great weekend and …

Happy Reading.

C-PTSD conversation October 22, 2021

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FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness, or the lack of it, is a roadblock to a peaceful life, unforgiveness impacts the victim’s life more than it does the abuser’s. The abuser does not deserve to be forgiven and probably doesn’t even care about having it one way or the other.

There is a full spectrum of emotions to be had as a result of holding on to hurt. At one end – I hate him and will never forgive him (or her,) at the other end – I know I need to forgive and I want to but I keep taking it back. The level of peace or distress we have depends on which end of the spectrum we fall on.

Unforgiveness can act like a cancer. The harder we hang on to it the more it takes over our life. Bitterness and a host of other emotions can take root and grow to gigantic proportions. There is no peace to be had if that happens.

I guess if we have been severely abused and feel dispassionate about everything we don’t have raging emotions to deal with and we can live what appears to be a normal happy life. But sooner or later something will trigger a reaction, maybe even something gigantic. That’s me and my life.

It has taken many decades but I have forgiven my dad.

His abuse took on many forms. It started a few weeks after conception, rage at imminent and unwanted fatherhood. All of the years long abuse was fueled by rage, addictions, and immaturity. He wasn’t my only abuser, he allowed others access when it suited him. I can figure out about 6 of them, including a pedophile, but there is a knowing that I can’t escape, even though I want to, there were more, maybe even many more. You can see why all my memories have been repressed. There are a few vague memories, puzzling thought patterns, and many triggers, all leaving clues. And then a brother who insisted I admit I was abused.

You can also understand why, when I was 18 and he was found dead, I was glad, relieved.

After many decades I have forgiven my dad and the changes in my emotional well being have been dramatic. I’m grateful.

There were other significant abusers though and the forgiveness process for them is still ongoing, with no end in sight. I haven’t been able to forgive yet but at the same time I choose not to hate. That in itself has made life a better place for me.

They say that the abused often choose a spouse similar to their abuser. In my case he was nothing like my dad and I thought I had done well.

Dad’s abuse loomed large and took over the whole conversation. It took decades to figure out what was going on with these other two relationships. Emotional abuse is difficult to identify even though the damage is greater.

Emotionally unavailable was the problem. It manifests itself in a number of different ways, all of them hurtful. Physical abuse, I could have said I’m done. But in this case I couldn’t see any workable way to deal with the problem.

Inability to name the issues responsible added a whole new layer of hurt, in both relationships.

Eventually I knew I had to take the bull by the horns and force some sort of decision. We’ve been living apart for nearly two decades. The most distressing and ongoing issue was I still couldn’t figure out why. I needed to understand.

I’ve been praying about forgiveness toward him for years and gotten nowhere.

The other morning was a breakthrough moment for me. In a moment of clarity I suddenly recognized that the parent I patterned a spouse after was not my dad but my mother.

I married a man like my mother.

That thought made so much sense, it was like chains falling off. It’s that simple and I don’t need to figure anything else out.

There is still a long way to go but I don’t think it will take decades now. There is freedom in forgiveness and that will be enough when it comes.

I’m still praying though, because I still need help.

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Photo by Ashithosh U on Pexels.com

What I wish I could have had.

C-PTSD conversation. October 21, 2021

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I’m a peace maker at heart, wanting everyone to feel comfortable. I’ve been hesitant in talking about PTSD here very often because many of my friends are uncomfortable with the topic. Probably because they don’t have it themselves and can’t relate.

However, there is a growing audience for conversations around this subject. Personally, I see it as a good thing.

There are suggestions out there saying there are benefits to be had from writing about our experiences.There are also great benefits in hearing the stories of others. I’m finding both to be helpful in my healing process.

When I think about it, fellow bloggers are not obliged to read a post just because it’s there. I think I need to believe they can make a good decision for themselves without me shielding them. Read or not to read? They have a choice.

Earlier, I was researching some related PTSD material, doing a little fact checking before starting this. It added a few more questions to the mix.

One of my major symptoms is the startle reflex. Sometimes it’s strong enough to lift me off the chair. Not by much but even a sliver is too much in my estimation.

It’s amazing to me how reactions can change from person to person but it works consistently for each person. There was one guy in the office who could appear at my desk without causing so much as a ripple. There were two other guys who were consistently giving me heart attacks. I didn’t see them coming, didn’t know they were coming, so how did the right reaction happen for the right guy? One of the guys thought it was quite funny and took great delight in sneaking up and scaring me. Of course he had no idea what was behind it. Actually back then I didn’t either.

I’m guessing my hyper alert subconscious mind heard them coming and even recognized and identified the foot steps. I was used to these guys and I have no idea how my subconscious mind decided how to react to each one. Baffling.

Looking at them did not cause negative reactions, I had a level of trust which made it all seem rather strange to me.

I am guessing they remind me of someone who was a participant in a bad situation. One that I don’t remember.

Another trigger example related to men. One Sunday, more than 10 years ago, I walked in to the morning church service. As I crossed the foyer I looked up and saw the usher standing at the sanctuary door and stopped dead in my tracks. I wanted to turn around and run. I didn’t. After a few seconds I took myself by the scruff of my emotional inner neck and continued on past him.

I didn’t know the man, had never seen him before. There was nothing remarkable or scary about him. A short middle aged balding guy. Probably a very nice man.

I’ve never forgotten that morning. I still feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. I’m guessing he reminds me of someone. I don’t even want to know who.

You’ve probably guessed I rarely go to church much any more. I’ve gone from rarely missed to rarely there.

Too many triggers.

On a lighter closing note. One of my big plants is blooming for the third time this year. Unusual.

I couldn’t take a sharp in-focus picture to save my life, just saying.

I’m going to go read my book now for awhile and calm down about all of this.

It has been good though, I think.

It’s funny how the mind works. I had a whole other post in mind. One I was emotionally invested in most of the day.

In the long run, I’m sure it’s better this way.

Share your thoughts with me, I would love to hear them.

Free and bargain books October 21, 2021

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Today is another good day for new books. BookBub has a FREE suggestion for us and 1531 Entertainment has a bargain suggestion.

How cool is that, both authors are named Rose and I read them both for the first time last year.

Free is first.

The Entrepreneur’s Nurse: A Sweet Opposites Attract Romance (BWWM) (The Caregivers Book 2)

His trip to Africa is strictly business. Her attraction to a tourist is a prescription for heartbreak.

As a successful entrepreneur, Brady Sharp is all about profit. His trip to Uganda is to strike a deal and get back to his life in NewYork. But when he falls off a motorcycle taxi and misses the meeting and his flight, the only thing he’s grateful for is the nurse who comes to his rescue.

Being the sole owner of the only clinic in a Kampala suburb, Ruth runs a tight shift. After she stitches an incoherent tourist she rescues from the roadside, she doesn’t expect to see the white man again, until he shows up to her clinic to ask her out on a date—too bad, she has patients to treat in the village.

As they work side by side in a small african village, Ruth’s selflessness makes Brady question everything he believed important. Each day spent with her creates a deeper attraction—a threat to his long-term goals of becoming the next billionaire.

Can Brady and Ruth pursue a long distance relationship? At some point, they must make a conflicting choice: pursue their careers or take a chance on love.

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Whispers of the Heart: A Regency Romance (Soldiers and Sweethearts Book 2)

An Earl distracted by his work…will he wake up in time to find the love of his life right in front of him?

Miss Ann Whyte has been sent to London under the care of one Earl of Ware, doing so to honor a promise to her brother. Attempting to make the best of the situation, she is deeply affronted when the Earl ignores her entirely and thrusts her into the care of his mother. Ann determines to throw herself into society and hopes to quickly find a suitor, thinking that no gentleman could be worse than her host!

Geoffrey, the Earl of Ware, cannot help but be attracted to Miss Whyte but resolves not to be distracted by her. Hearing that French spies may already be in London and having been forced to return home from the war himself, Geoffrey is determined to protect his country. However, when other gentlemen begin to pursue Miss Whyte, Geoffrey struggles with his feelings. When Miss Whyte finds herself unknowingly in danger, Geoffrey knows he must protect her.

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It’s awesome when we have variety. Sometimes the choices all seem to be similar. Lately we have had different genres on the same day and it’s been wonderful. More of the same today.

Currently I’m still reading and enjoying the book I started last night. Today has not been a good day for reading, just a good day for work and thinking about some other stuff. I’m anxious to get back to it though. A few stolen minutes here and there is just not nearly enough, in my estimation.

It has been a good day otherwise though.

I hope it has been for you as well.

Happy Reading!

A little of this, a little of that, October 20, 2021

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I’m jealous. Some of my friends can produce well thought out pages and pages in a short time and it takes me for – ever.

Now that I said all that, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.

It couldn’t have been all that important. Truth be know it probably wasn’t, either.

One very important thing happened this morning. The lawn care guys were here to do year end yard cleanup. Leaves and lawn. There were so many leaves this year I was entirely glad to let them do it.

The upside to doing it myself is the workout and resulting muscle tone. The downside to not doing it… well you can guess that. Maybe next year.

I had a good day at work today, it was productive. It’s amazing what can get done when there are few interruptions.

The other thing that was great about the day, I figured out some things. Working cold-call with an unfamiliar file can be daunting, and it was, in spades. Once their system became clear it wasn’t all that difficult, but for a while there…

Tomorrow will be better and I’m almost done. How sad is that? Hopefully I will remember what I learned when they are back again.

Anyway. There was no real point to this post, I just felt like writing a little.

I started another book tonight after finishing the 12 book Save the Date collection. This new one is fun. It’s full of feisty women at a time in history when they were not allowed to be that bold. Especially not where anyone could notice. The two ladies I’ve just met have hobbies that could get some poor underestimating guy killed. Hopefully the ladies will meet one or two of them. Not that I would want to see them killed or anything. Although, the way some guys behaved way back then, I’m sure they would have deserved it. lol

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I’m only on chapter two and I’m loving it.

Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: Archer: Christian Regency Romantic Suspense serial novel

She met him again by shooting him.

After four seasons and unmarried because she is taller than most of her dance partners, Miss Phoebe Sauber receives the shocking news that she is being callously banished from her father’s estate because he is remarrying. Feeling betrayed by her father and by God, and wanting to escape her family’s presence, she attends an archery tournament with her friends.

He met her again while searching for a killer.

Michael had quit his work as a spy for the Foreign Office when his brother was poisoned. His search for the murderer leads him to Apothecary Jack, a criminal underworld leader with a penchant for poisons, who is gathering a powerful army through an alchemical potion that can give men supernatural strength.

But his path unexpectedly crosses again with Miss Sauber, who saves him from a trap laid by Jack. She and her Aunt Laura, Lady Wynwood, have found a vital connection to Apothecary Jack and the mysterious group he works for.

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This story is off to an excellent start, I hope it can last through the whole book. I need a good dose of irony and dry humor for a little change of pace.

OK, I’m gone.

Til next time.

Bargain books October 20, 2021

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This has been a good book week! It’s funny how fickle these weeks can be, feast or famine. So here we go.

1531 Entertainment has two suggestions for us. I have no idea how any of these will truly go as I’ve not read any of these authors yet. It will be an adventure. Alaska sounds like an adventure and it’s calling.

Alaska Calling: Alaskan Women of Caliber Series Book 2

I’D REACHED MY DREAM CAREER AS AN RN

THEN THE DOUBT OF MY CALLING CHALLENGED MY FAITH.

After two years of working in a small city close to my family in Canada, my heart remains unsettled. Now, I find myself at a crossroads, not knowing which way to turn.

My calling seemed certain, now I question my career path and my relationship with my boyfriend. My futile efforts to pretend it’s all okay displace me, spinning me loose, and my world threatens to toss me into disarray. But the winds of change bring a hopeful challenge when a letter arrives from a nurse in Alaska inviting me to work at a remote clinic. Perhaps God has more in mind for me than I hope for myself.

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When Loving Eyes Meet: A Historical Western Romance Book

At the young age of twenty years, Annette Prader has already tasted tragedy. After the loss of her older brothers, she stepped in to help with both the family’s saddle shop and the household with patience and grace. Ever the dutiful daughter, Annette agrees to an arranged marriage and puts aside her dream of a fairytale romance. Her world is turned upside down, though, when a charming but mysterious man enters her life, and soon she finds herself deeply in love. Annette’s destiny is about to change for good but will this mean risking her loyalty to her family?

Unbeknownst to her, this charming man comes with a secret that may break her heart and perhaps cost her very life…

Αfter his father was falsely accused of murder twenty years ago, Fletch Skinner has been living a secluded life carrying the burden of his true identity. Sick and tired of the injustice, Fletch has vowed to find the real murderer that cost his father’s life, and to clear his family name. When he comes back to town though, he can’t imagine that a saddle shop will be the place to meet the woman of his dreams. Will this fateful encounter be the reason to break his solitary habits and to allow a glimmer of light back into the darkness of his life?

Seeking truth and justice, Fletch will find danger and even a chance at true love…

When their paths cross, Annette and Fletch’s fates seem predetermined. However, a life-threatening accident will bring them together and change the course of their lives forever. Yet, with Fletch’s identity getting revealed and Annette’s fear to not let her family down, can they even dare to follow their hearts and replace old grievances and long-held secrets with hope and love?

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The first book is quite short and the second one is very long. Added together they could be considered regular length don’t you think? Sounds perfectly logical to me. Or maybe it’s justification. Hmmm.

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BookRunes also has a suggestion. It’s book 1 of a continued 3 book story. The reviews say it is a must see read. This is another author new to me. I’m not sure what to expect but it sounds like it’s worth a try.

Hating God Trilogy: Hating God, Ignoring God, Loving God

This quote: is regarding book 1 but the same characters are in all three.

If Susan Buckley actually believed in God, she would probably hate Him. Orphaned by a drunk driver as a young girl, she has developed a rather healthy dislike of anyone or anything vaguely religious.

In her senior year of college, Susan is a leader in the Woman’s Study Department. The last thing she needs is a romantic distraction to take away from her top academic standing.

What she can’t figure out is why Carl Spenser, a wounded warrior who lost his feet in Afghanistan, doesn’t hate God. It makes no sense to her at all that Carl gives thanks in everything he does to such a ruthless God.

Granted, Carl is a rather attractive man, but Susan can’t figure out why she is so drawn to him; like a flower to the sun. All she has ever been taught is that a religious man is in total opposition to a worldly woman, yet he intrigues her. Sparks fly whenever they are in the same room?

Who is the mysterious Maria Alvarez and why is she always with Carl and why should this bother Susan if she has absolutely no interest in him? Maria is so loving, that she and Susan soon become fast friends which really complicates everything.

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I was wanting to talk about something other than books somewhere along the way but it may have to wait until the weekend. It will be here in a moment, anyway, the way the days are flying by.

Happy reading y’all

Bargain books October 19, 2021 Part Two

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Checking out the days emails, we may have a few new books.

BookBub has a suggestion.

Unveiled Series Boxed Set

Read all three books of the Unveiled Series in one boxed set and follow one girl’s unforgettable journey of self-discovery, faith, and love.

Eyes Unveiled: A broken past. A jeopardized future. And a song of hope holding the answers to both. Not now. Anytime but now. With her junior year of college hanging in the balance, the last thing Emma Matthews needs is a blue-eyed distraction capable of undoing her plans with a single guitar strum. But when the reflection she sees in musician Riley Preston’s eyes borders dangerously close to the one she’s spent the last five years searching for, Emma discovers her walls can’t guard her heart from the hope he awakens.

Light Unshaken: A promise threatened. A love shaken. And a song of grace whispering courage to both. Between an unexpected relocation and mounting danger at her internship, there’s too much at stake to come undone now. Emma’s determined to be strong for those depending on her. But the more she strives to protect them, the more risks escalate until her worst fear collides with all she’s fought to trust.

Hope Unbroken: A dream worth fighting for. A fear worth surrendering. And a song of love leading them through it all. With an ultimatum jeopardizing Riley’s career and a ruthless vendetta sabotaging Emma’s efforts to save the Portland center, the fires they’d spent the last four months facing are far from over. As danger strikes and rifts emerge, the unrelenting war between the past and future tests Emma’s convictions until she has no choice but to put her faith in the one thing she’s always doubted.

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I was hoping for more, I’m greedy. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Although really, I can’t complain 3 in 1 is not too shabby.

Happy Reading y’all

Bargain book October 19, 2021

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The best thing about book collections with various authors is meeting new authors and comparison shopping all at the same time. It’s like searching for perfect shoes.

In the middle of Save the Date Romance Collection with twelve contributors, I encountered a new author and wanted to know more. Camy Tang writes Contemporary Romance and Romantic Suspense as herself, and Christian Regency Romantic Suspense under Camille Elliot.

With bargain as the main selection criteria, there was only one to be had, in the Regency section.

It’s a good day.

Lady Wynwood’s Spies, volume 1: Archer: Christian Regency Romantic Suspense serial novel (Lady Wynwood’s Spies series)

She met him again by shooting him.

After four seasons and unmarried because she is taller than most of her dance partners, Miss Phoebe Sauber receives the shocking news that she is being callously banished from her father’s estate because he is remarrying. Feeling betrayed by her father and by God, and wanting to escape her family’s presence, she attends an archery tournament with her friends.

But her perfect aim fails her, and her arrow hits a piece of paper held by Mr. Michael Coulton-Jones, whom she hasn’t seen much in society in several years. But strangely, her arrow tears a section of the paper with a partial symbol that looks eerily familiar to her.

He met her again while searching for a killer.

Michael had quit his work as a spy for the Foreign Office when his brother was poisoned. His search for the murderer leads him to Apothecary Jack, a criminal underworld leader with a penchant for poisons, who is gathering a powerful army through an alchemical potion that can give men supernatural strength.

But his path unexpectedly crosses again with Miss Sauber, who saves him from a trap laid by Jack. She and her Aunt Laura, Lady Wynwood, have found a vital connection to Apothecary Jack and the mysterious group he works for.

Now Michael, who had vowed to never again allow civilians to come to harm, must work with a nobleman keeping dangerous secrets, a human lie detector, a chemist, a fellow former spy, and the one woman he’s never allowed himself to get close to.

And it is only this ragtag group that stands against a traitorous organization that could enable Napoleon to conquer the world.

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As book 1 of 3, it is not standalone and ends with a cliffhanger. I’m not sure what I’m getting into with this but I do know I want to find out.

Camy’s novella in Save the Date was one of my favorites in the collection and I’m hoping to enjoy this new read just as much.

I haven’t checked any of my usual sources yet today but I will be sure to let you know if anything interesting shows up when I do.

In the meantime…

Happy Reading

Free and bargain books October 18, 2021 Part two

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We have more exciting prospects, both from the same popular author. BookBub suggested this first one and it’s FREE. We are having a good day.

The Strongest Love: A Page-Turning Tale of Mystery, Adventure & Love (Alaskan Hearts Book 5)

To claim her future, she’ll need to forget her past.

When Brenna’s abusive father dies, she seizes the opportunity to flee to Memory Ranch in hopes that the majestic horses and caring staff at the ranch can help her overcome a past filled with abuse and neglect.

But as she starts her new life, complete with a new identity, Brenna finds she can’t outrun her pain. Not even with the help of a charming local, who’s faced his own demons and won. He wants to help Brenna conquer hers as well, but opening up to friendship–and possibly love–is the scariest thing she’s had to face yet.

Will Brenna find the strength to move forward and forgive those in her past who turned a blind eye to her helplessness? And when at last she strips all the hurt away, will there be any part of her left?

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Happily, this one showed up in the suggestion strip, browsing after the last book.

The Happiest Place: A Page-Turning Tale of Mystery, Adventure & Love (Alaskan Hearts Book 6)

Memories are especially sweet, when you have so few of them left…

Kate can’t believe she’s losing her mother. For as long as she can remember, it’s been the two of them against the world. That is, until early-onset Alzheimer’s robbed them both of the relationship that had always been so special.

Kate accepted a job at Memory Ranch to keep an eye on her mom, but is left wonder whether she’s the one who really needs to heal. Especially as a certain handsome therapist named Jack keeps finding more and more reasons for them to spend time together.

What will be left of Kate when her mother leaves her behind? And can she justify spending time with Jack when she knows her mom’s time left on earth is limited?

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It’s been a good day for books. I’ll let you know if any more surprises show up.

Happy Reading!

Free and bargain mysteries October 18, 2021

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I stumbled across a mystery from a popular author.

Double Exposure: An Inspirational Private Investigator Romantic Suspense Novel (The Justice Agency Book 1)

The Justice Agency: Family and law enforcement go hand in hand

Photographer Jennie Buchanan unknowingly captures a drug cartel meeting on film. And now she has become a killer’s next target.

Even worse, her only protection from the danger that threatens her life is the man who threatens her heart. Dodging bullets almost seems safer than facing the feelings stirred up by seeing ex-FBI agent and ex-boyfriend Ethan Justice again.

Ethan vows to safeguard Jennie from the deadly men on her trail. And for a second chance at Jennie’s love, he’s willing to risk anything to expose the truth—about the drug smugglers, the past and the future together he still wants.

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1531 Entertainment has a FREE suggestion for us, another author we’ve seen often this year.

Pursued: Christian Contemporary Romantic Suspense

The man Cristina Torres has fallen in love with kisses her and then disappears for ten years. Now he’s back but with two detectives as shadows, and someone’s trying to kill her. Should she trust him or run for her life?

Dr. Chase Richards has fled his Christian roots long enough. He’s returning to his hometown in Tennessee to make amends—at what he thinks is God’s direction. But the way is not just hard, it’s almost impossible.

The girl he once loved is now a woman—and she wants nothing to do with him. In addition, the opioid study he started and left in Virginia has followed him across state lines. The police have warned him that he’s in imminent danger. His well organized life is no longer safe or ordered—and neither is Cristina’s.

Can he discover who’s trying to kill them before she becomes collateral damage?

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It’s a beautiful Monday here in southern Manitoba. What a great start to a new week.

Two new books on top of it. What could be better than that.

Have a good day, everyone.

Happy Reading