Bargain books March 1, 2020

It’s funny how things go sometimes. I’ve been thinking back on yesterday’s post and the Traditions of Leap Year theme. It makes me chuckle, the way the day’s book selections went for us. More often than not Romance novels show up regularly but yesterday when romance – chick-flick style – would have fit with the topic perfectly, that’s not what we got. Irony. We were talking about Sadie Hawkins day where tradition say’s it’s one day where a woman can propose to the man of her choosing, if she can catch him. Since most of the available men we know live in books, it’s a good job we weren’t taking the whole subject very seriously. The lack of good novels could have ruined our whole day.

Getting back to every day topics.

Gospel E-books has some bargains for us today (they are on FaceBook). Author Max Lucado is a prolific non-fiction writer and has been for many years. I haven’t read this book but I’ve read some of his others and appreciate his wisdom. I particularly like buying his greeting cards, he has such a thoughtful way of expressing what I’m feeling.

$1.99 for one of his books is good.

A Gentle Thunder: Hearing God Through the Storm

A Gentle Thunder

Amazon quote:

How far do you want God to go in getting your attention? Don’t answer too quickly. What if God moved you to another land? (As He did Abraham.) What if He called you out of retirement? (Remember Moses?) How about the voice of an angel or the bowel of a fish (Gideon and Jonah.) God does what it takes to get our attention. That’s the message of this book: the relentless pursuit of God.

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Another bargain. This time it’s YA fiction from an author unfamiliar to me. The source is trusted so I expect it will be a good read. It’s $1.99 as well.

Gilt Hollow (Blink)

Gilt Hollow

Amazon quote

Willow Lamott’s best friend is a convicted killer, and no one in the small town of Gilt Hollow will let her forget it. Over four long years, she’s tried to fade into the background—but none of that matters when Ashton Keller comes striding into school, fresh out of juvie and fueled by revenge. The moment their eyes meet, Willow no longer feels invisible. Drawn to the vulnerability behind Ashton’s mask of rage, she sinks deeper into his sinister world and begins to question whether he’s a villain, a savior, or both.

Ashton thought he wanted vengeance, until Willow Lamott stepped back into his life. Now he longs to clear his name and become the person she sees in him. But the closer they get to uncovering the truth, the darker the secrets become, and Ashton wonders if his return to Gilt Hollow will destroy everyone he loves. 

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A bargain ($0.99) that popped up while I was busy searching –  Falling for You. This is book 2 in the Bradford Sisters series, I’ve read book 1 and I think I liked it. I will have to double check that just to be sure. Book 3 Sweet on You is a recent download from a few days ago and it is still $0.99 as well.

Falling for You (A Bradford Sisters Romance Book #2)

Falling for you Wade

Amazon quote:

Famously beautiful model Willow Bradford is taking a temporary break from her hectic schedule to work as the innkeeper at her family’s small-town bed-and-breakfast. She was enjoying the peace of her hometown, Merryweather, Washington, right up until she came face-to-face with Corbin Stewart, the man she loves to hate. A thoughtful rule-follower by nature, Willow threw caution to the wind four years ago when she entrusted her heart to Corbin–and suffered the consequences when it all fell apart.

Former NFL quarterback Corbin is forceful, charming, and accustomed to getting what he wants . . . except where Willow Bradford is concerned. Unable to forget her, he’s never stopped regretting what happened between them. When their paths unexpectedly cross again, he’s determined to make her give him a second chance.

When a decades-old missing persons case finds Corbin and Willow working together, they’re forced to confront their past and who they’ve become–and whether they can risk falling for one another all over again.

Still a bargain at $0.99 

Sweet on You (A Bradford Sisters Romance Book #3)  

Sweet on You

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Looks like there is no shortage of romance today!

Happy Reading 

on this quiet Sunday evening.

 

 

Another FREE book February 13, 2020

I missed one, BookRunes had a FREE suggestion this morning too.

Maybe it’s a good thing I missed it. It heads off in a much different direction from the rest of this morning’s offerings. Maybe it deserves the attention of it’s own post.

Beggars Daughter is a true story based on one woman’s life, sharing her struggle with a difficult but very real subject.

Beggars Daughter

Amazon quote:

If you think pornography is just a “guy thing” you would be wrong.

Jessica Harris was 13 years old when she was exposed to pornography. After four years, her use was out of control and when she went to find help, it became apparent that this wasn’t a thing many women do. All of the resources were for men, and when she got caught, she was told “Women don’t have this problem.” That sent her on a downward spiral and nearly landed her in the adult industry.

Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen. Instead, she found freedom, hope, healing and worth in the love and grace of God.

Beggar’s Daughter is a candid look into her story, how she struggled and eventually how God set her free. It is a narrative on grace suitable for the women who struggle and those who want to understand them. Through it all, the message is that no woman is ever beyond the grace of God.

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The Presence

It’s always a special moment for me when a story speaks into my life with something appropriate for the place I’m at. Unexpectedly, this book has done just that, more than once. It feels like validation.

The Presence would have caught my interest even if I was at a different point in life. Having it relate to where I am now is a bonus. Davis Bunn always provides a good read.

The Presence  The Presence – T Davis Bunn ….. The downside to helping his young friend get elected was his own loss for re-election. It seems his sense of integrity was a contributing factor in his defeat.

T.J. Case, lawyer and politician, has always been an honest man. That’s why billionaire entrepreneur Jeremy Hughes hired TJ to represent his company many years before and has never regretted a day of it.

Their relationship is not just business. They have also become close friends over the years. So close that Jeremy can tell when something is bothering TJ. That’s why he knew something had happened while he was out fishing the quiet lake on Jeremy’s large yacht.

TJ wouldn’t talk about it on the drive home and his wife, Catherine, would only say that it wasn’t her story to tell.

He’d loved God all of his life and had never had an experience like this one.  It was still hard to wrap his head around what happened, even after a few intense days to think and pray. It seemed impossible to talk about, to anyone – including his wife, because it sounded so unbelievable.

With his usual cup of coffee, TJ had gone up on deck – like he did every morning – to read and pray in the quiet of the dawn. The morning started out like any other but then something changed.  It was a new quiet that seemed sacred, one that pulsed with meaning.

When it was gone, TJ  was left questioning what had just taken place. Was it a dream, a hallucination? Was it real?

He did know one thing. He was supposed to go to Washington DC.

How could that possibly happen? You don’t just decide to go to the capitol without invitation. And besides, what was he supposed to do when he got there?

Over the next few days both Jeremy and Catherine wrestled with this new idea that would turn both of their lives upside down if TJ went through with it.

Jeremy announced he needed a few days away to think but he didn’t give any clues as to how he was thinking.

Catherine was struggling with moving away from  everything familiar and going to who knows what; when her daughter took sick and grandma was needed. It felt like a blessed reprieve, giving her more time to embrace a decision she knew she’d make.

Meanwhile, back in Washington, newly elected Congressman John Silverwood was having lunch with two senior Senators and feeling very pleased about it. He was not yet acquainted with political workings and didn’t think to question motives.

The Senators had come with an agenda. For some reason, unclear to John, TJ’s presence was needed in Washington. Filling a position with an outsider was rarely done. The three of them  would have  to get their heads together and come up with an assignment that could be given without raising a great deal of suspicion.

John was then  tasked with persuading TJ it would be in his best interest to come and  accept Education Advisor to the President. He was hoping TJ would feel honored and view this insider opportunity as a favor given. One he would feel obligated to pay back,  somewhere in the future.

The cab arrived at an address that was a surprise to TJ. Hopefully Jeremy, who was obviously waiting for him, would have an explanation for this fancy house.  The thing is – Jeremy knew that Washington would eat him up and spit him out unless TJ had someone in his corner watching his back. That was the reason for the house, and like it or not, Jeremy planned to fill every other need as well…. butler, driver, whatever. TJ was  hoping that, when she got here, Catherine could talk some sense into Jeremy. He hasn’t figured out, yet, that the  two of them are working together on this.

With no idea about what he would be doing, or with whom, TJ could only trust that if God was behind all of this, his presence would be near, and he’d let him know what to do when the time came.

His wildest dreams couldn’t have predicted the way things would go. God moves in mysterious ways….. because he knows the truth about what is in the hearts of men.


Like TJ, I’ve been saying yes to God for decades. Lately, it’s like he has a task in mind for me but hasn’t let me in on the details yet.

It’s scary saying yes when I do know what it’s all about, never-mind when I don’t. Even when I know ahead of time, it’s always something bigger than I could accomplish on my own. This time will be no exception.

God tends to be gentle with me, especially when he’s asking for something outside my comfort zone. He always waits for me to say yes and then he works on answering my fears, bringing me to the place where I am happy to do whatever it is. Everything he’s ever asked of me has turned out to be a blessing, even when it’s been hard. We have a good track record together.

Writing has not been on my radar, nor has the thought of coming-out-in-the-open in such a public way as this.

I’ve been highly resistant to the idea of writing. Especially a book.

I’m beginning to rethink my position on this. I’m finding myself coming around and being okay with working to produce something that could be used, maybe. It all just quietly happened with the beginnings of my newest blog.  Just like the needle you expected would hurt and felt surprise when it didn’t.

I’m left thinking…. wow, smooth move. I didn’t see that coming, God. He just smiles.

The second blog is already started at letterstomamierose.bloga safe place to talk about PTSD, and other things we wrestle with” The focus will be sharing my journey with abuse and PTSD. This isn’t about me needing a place to talk. It’s about hurting people needing a safe place to land. Most of us hurt in silence and loneliness. Healing comes when we discover community.

The idea of starting a community is not new to me. It has been in the works for over a decade, it seems now is the time. Some of my support community will be with me in this venture. We’re better together.

I’m also working on the courage to start a third blog “God, Creator of the Universe, Loves Me” It will be about my journey with God. He has been with me my whole life, including the darkest years – the first 12. I know I’m supposed to share about this and have to keep my Yes promise.

I think I’m meant to talk about him this way because God wants a chance to say I Love You to others as well. If you think he is saying it to you, and you want to know if he is….. ask him. He will talk to you.

This third blog is in the works and hopefully it will go live soon. I think this post will be  the first post over there. It seems appropriate somehow.

In the meantime ….. may you hear some things you need to hear too.

Happy reading!

 

Wilma Derksen – writer, communicator

I want to share another awesome writer with you.

We were privileged to have a local celebrity, Wilma Derksen, as speaker at two of the writer’s events I attended this spring. Hearing Wilma was a first for me, and I was impressed. She is wise, has a sweet spirit, and relates well to her audience. I can see why she is popular and in demand.

Wilma’s writing career started with a tragic event in her life, the disappearance  and murder of her young teenage daughter, Candace. The purpose of the first book was to help her make sense of the tragedy, and to assess it’s effect on her family. Publishing and making it publically available brought help and healing to many of those facing similar circumstances. It was also found to be a good resource for those working with victims of serious crime.

The first book was Have You Seen Candace. It was followed by three others, all dealing with other aspects of the coping process. Wilma is tenacious and forgiving, willing to share her secrets with us – and did, in these books. The Way of Letting Go, Confronting the Horror, and Unsettled Weather.

Have you seen Candace   The opportunities as a result of these books have been amazing. She’s had invitations to speak in unexpected places. Her books have been used as educational and training resource material. She’s been given many, and varied, teaching opportunites. There have even been awards.

I’ve had the privilege of reading two of her books, so far, but will list the rest of them for you anyway.

The Way of Letting Go   The Way of Letting Go: One Woman’s Walk Toward Forgiveness

Confronting the Horror   Confronting the Horror: The Aftermath of Violence ….. The Victim’s Journey Through the 15 Elements of Serious Crime

Unsettled Weather  Unsettled Weather: How Do I Forgive . …. a group study on forgiveness using a story telling method

 

The next two are the ones I’ve read, and will probably read again. Unlike the first books, these two are novels. Story seemed to be a good way to share some of the wisdom she’s  gained walking through this life of hers. In case you are wondering, these books are not biographical. I know, it feels like they are.

Path of the Heart  Ava Series – Path of the Heart book 1 …..  is the beautiful story of a neglected little girl who loves and feels loved, by her grandmother, a wise woman sought out by many in the community. They come by way of a special path through the forest, knowing she can help them because she has seen an angel.

Echo of the Soul  Ava Series – Echo of the Soul book 2 ….. there is oppression in the community. An overbearing man, and his wife, have moved in and taken over. The man, secretly a liar and a cheat, has bullied people into following his dictates. The path has never seen this much traffic, so many coming to see the wise woman who has seen an angel. She has had many answers for them in the past, they are convinced she will have an answer for this too.

These last two books are already available on Amazon. It’s hoped the rest can be made available soon; as well as the new book that’s about to be released.

I hope these books will inspire and encourage you in your journey.

Happy reading, for a brighter tomorrow.

Adding some new features

Collaborating with a friend is such a great idea, especially when said friend has some things figured out, and I don’t. I have to give her credit for the idea of adding cover pictures to my books read list to make things more interesting. The idea has  crossed my mind, at times, but I needed a push to make it happen.

I give her credit for my venture into writer’s groups as well,  joining a group wouldn’t have occurred to me without her encouragement.  It has  been great meeting new people, learning new skills, becoming involved in life again. Writing is a solitary endeavour but community is inspiring in a way we miss out on if we don’t make a conscious effort to get involved somewhere.

The addition of book covers will be a positive change, visually, I think, but it has affected the way I’m writing about the books. I’m not sure why this is. Hopefully it will also be a change for the good.

Several books didn’t make the cut this week, for a couple of reasons, too much telling and not enough show, distracting details, an overbearing agenda. One particular book had a strong start and looked like it could be the favorite of the week until it took a downturn; the writing style changed to the reciting of facts, and dialogue became a soap box for the overbearing agenda. I finished it, wishing ……. It could have been such a great book.

On the bright side, there were still some great books. Check out the covers.


this weeks offering:

come to me again   Come to me Again –  Leah Atwood ….  A devastating broken engagement nearly destroys him. Four years later they cross paths, can there be forgiveness. Will he achieve his dream of a music career and an escape from poverty? Will she escape the clutches of her controlling father and wealthy upbringing. Sometimes we make decisions, for what seems to be the right reason, but the result is heartache, will love win in spite of it all?

Time Lottery  Time Lottery (Time Lottery Series Book 1) – Nancy Moser …. This is a lottery like none other. A chance to go back in time and make new choices; or not. We get to follow the three winners on their ground breaking journeys, a surgeon, a socialite, and a homeless man. It was definitely an interesting new treatment of the idea of time travel.

Echo  Echo (A Kate Redman Mystery Book 6) – Celina Grace …. Torrential rains cause unprecedented flooding and a hillside gives way to expose the skeletal remains of a young woman. There are no clues to help establish identity or date of death. Cold case files go missing and it seems like someone in authority wants the investigation stopped. Kate’s long estranged mother also makes contact which only adds to the mystery. Age old secrets and people in high places. This was a good book.

Fatal FrostFatal Frost (Defenders of Justice Book 1) – Nancy Mehl …. Mercy Brennan has followed in her absentee father’s footsteps in law enforcement, only in a different branch, US Marshall. When she finds herself assigned to a joint task force it puts her in contact with him again,  an unwelcome situation. To make matters worse, unknown to her, the boss assigns her ex fiancé as protector from a high powered gang who have the mistaken idea she has a valuable piece of information they want back, at any cost. The ice storm complicates her protection. The twists and turns made this a favorite book this week.

Hi and Run  Hit and Run (The Delilah West Thriller Series Book 3) – Maxine O’Callaghan …. A down on her luck private eye is witness to a rainy night fatal hit and run. It seems straight forward at the time but doubts arise as the teen’s mother pleads with her to prove his innocence. Her reluctant investigation turns up more questions than answers. I like this protagonist and her irreverent way of going about life.

The Recipe  This is a heartwarming story about a young dietary assistant trying to find her place in life. While she is trying to win the Vegan Valentine Bake-off, in hopes of finding her calling, she feels drawn to the needs of some of the patients adding doubt about where she belongs. A nice lighter read.

That’s it for now. Let me know if you like the addition of book covers, does it add inspiration?

As always, Happy reading!

A favorite book this week

This week is about books, some I loved and some…I didn’t.

Generally, I don’t like to talk about books I dislike in a blog post (I save my rants over pet peeves for in person conversations not caught on camera) Putting dislike into words in a blog post just feels too much like a written rejection letter.  I would rather stick to the positive and  tell you about the books I liked and let the negative be shown subtly by the book’s absence from my list.

But, there’s a downside to positive only comments, it gives the impression I am an  indiscriminate reader.

So, I will give you a reason to believe I have opinions about what’s good and what’s not. There were a half dozen books this week that didn’t survive past the first few pages. There were two in particular, though, that caused a high level of disappointment. I had great expectations for them because they were written by popular public figures with something to say. I kept reading longer than usual, wanting them to get better. They didn’t

The first one is an allegory, I’ve read other books in a similar style and loved them, I expected to love this one too. The first off putting thing was, the hype overkill at the beginning of the book. How many endorsements do you really need! The second off-putting thing was, the story didn’t live up to the hype. It was disjointed, hard to follow, and the symbolism didn’t marry well with descriptions and actions, which was frustrating.

The second book was also similar in style to several other books I’ve read and enjoyed  recently. My expectations were high because I’ve not seen another book address this particular topic, at least not from this angle. The introduction gave me hope because it talks about how the book came to be, and how it was originally longer but they pared it down significantly. It could have been pared down even more, in my opinion. How many ways should you say the same thing?

The major downfall I see with both of these books; they had something worth saying, but the process of writing is not a strong skill for either of them. An experienced editorial team would have been a great asset.

I give them kudos for trying though because writing a successful book is not as easy as it looks.

 

So, having mentioned books I didn’t like, it’s time to mention some books I did like, enough to stay up reading half the night in some cases.


Kiya Trilogy – Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh book 1, Kiya: Mother of a King book 2 – Katie Hamstead …… this is a fictionalized story of King Tut, an excellent read and my favorite this week. I’m looking forward to reading book 3

Detective Madison Knight Series – Deadly Impulse book 6 – Carolyn Arnold …… I enjoy Carolyn Arnold and this was another good one from her, lots of believable twists and turns while  looking for the killer.

Bridge to Haven – Francine Rivers ….. this story starts when an abandoned newborn is mercifully found by a tender hearted man, under the bridge at the edge of town. Sometimes the sad places of our lives cause us to make devastating decisions. This is a book of second chances. Francine Rivers has been one of my favorite authors for many years and still is.

A Riley Paige Mystery – Once Gone book 1, Once Taken book 2 – Blake Pierce ….  a brilliant female police detective with a broken past that makes her more than a little prickly. Blake Pierce is a new favorite author of mine.

The Kate Lange Thriller Series – Damaged book 1 – Pamela Callow …..  Suspense…. recovering from the death of her sister and a messy break-up, Kate finds herself with a new law firm, embroiled in a dangerous mystery.

Skye Cree Thriller – The Box of Bones book 3 – Vickie McKeehan …. a serial killer, dismembered bodies, and not much to go on. This was  believable too, a mystery that keeps you guessing to the end, the best kind.

The Retired Gardener – Gideon Williams ….. this is definitely not your usual thriller, a retired gardener who always seems to side step away from harm directed at him.  A new slant on thrillers.

As always, I hope you will be on the lookout for good books, there are so many out there waiting to be found.

Happy reading!

A tell-all chapter

If I were writing a memoir (which I’m not, at least not yet anyway) most readers would be looking for tell-all chapters. This might qualify.

In the last post love my flowers…. and books I mentioned that I am an introvert and if the neighbours were to see me trying to take pictures of the flowers in my yard, it would be a tragedy of epic proportions. At the time, I said this somewhat tongue in cheek, but, as I thought about it later, it felt honest rather than dramatic, and honest felt really good.

One thing always leads to another, in my mind anyway, and this line of thought lead me to consider the possible impact the early years would have had on my introverted self. I wouldn’t say those years were the cause but I can see how they would have  contributed.

Both families moved many times over the years and eventually ended up in the same town, that’s how they met. Dad was a friend of one of mom’s brothers. It’s ironic that they were both born in Alberta, Vegreville and Youngstown, if I remember right. It seems like the they unintentionally followed each other around a bit.

Secrets have been the trademark of both families so I am short on details and have to speculate about some things.

I suspect mom was still living at home when they started going out together but don’t know for sure, I assume dad wasn’t living at home but don’t know that for sure either, I think his parents moved back to the States somewhere in that time frame. Also, I have no idea what the length of their relationship would have been, but it must not have been too short for mom’s brother to have been part of the scene. I’ve always assumed, from the information we were given through the years, that they were married the year before I was born, recently we discovered this was incorrect, they were married 13 months after I was born.

Both grandparents were strong in their faith, at least the grandmothers were, dad’s family was Catholic….church attendance was very important, Mom’s family was Protestant…… her step father was the pastor. Religious differences were a big deal.

Back in the 40s conceiving a child out of wedlock was a major scandal, both inside and outside the church. This would have been a huge  blow to mom’s dad,  personally as a minister, and could have been the reason for his retirement, given church rules at the time. It could even have been a forced resignation made to look like a retirement.

The second scandal would have been living arrangements, for the duration of the pregnancy and the 13 months of my life before the wedding, putting 2 and 2 together with little bits of information given out over the years, I suspect they had no alternative but to live together.

One of the reasons I think this was the case,  with them trying to fly under the radar, was again, bits and pieces from mom’s stories about my birth. Wearing dad’s shirts as smocks. Taking herself to the hospital only to be told, come back in six months and maybe she would have something, (staying small would have been to go unnoticed). Then a few hours later giving birth to a 6 pound baby girl. Upset because the father of her child was out partying with her brother, when he should have been there with her.

I don’t know much about the wedding plans either except that one of dad’s sisters stood up with mom, and mom had a beautiful dress. They were married in the Catholic church after she promised the priest their children would be raised Catholic. In my experience dad was not a church goer so I’m guessing this was an empty promise. We weren’t brought up in either church.

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For religious reasons, this marriage was  unacceptable to both sides of the family, but with children involved what choice did they have.

During pregnancy and beyond, our home would have been filled with angst. Dad wasn’t ready for marriage or kids, his actions showed that, and it would be pretty safe to say  mom wasn’t ready either. My birth was not the happy occasion it would have been under normal circumstances. If babies hear while in the womb, and pick up on emotions, there would have been lots for me to hear and feel.

Apparently, the introvert in me surfaced early. There were stories. About how, as a baby, I didn’t warm up to dad and he wasn’t happy. About how I would cry if anyone looked at me when we were out in public. About how I wouldn’t go to  anyone.

Not such a great beginning, for any of us.

There were other things, besides the events of my birth, adding to my desire for invisibility, but we will save them for another tell-all chapter.

I’m sure other family members have heard stories over the years and could shed light on some things. I would love to hear your stories sometime.


Well, we need a few books now…to lighten things up a bit

The Amish Bishop Mysteries – What the Bishop Saw book 1 – Vannetta Chapman….. this was one of my favorite books this week…. the Bishop has a gift that is more of a burden than a blessing, tragic happenings prompt him to overcome his reluctance to use it, to help find answers.

The Sisters of Sugarcreek – Cathy Liggett ….. an elderly aunt dies leaving a knitting shop to her untalented niece, a fire destroys a church and a way of life for one charitable woman, the same fire kills a fireman leaving a widow without the skills to deal with her everyday life. Three ladies drawn together to form an unbreakable bond, each one having something the others need. I really liked this book of healing and restoration.

The Teacup Novellas – At Legends End book 4 – Diane Moody….. This was another favorite this week, I always enjoy Diane Moody’s books and this series was a favorite. A beautiful B&B, in an old house with tragedy in it’s past, the question on everyone’s mind…does the legend still hold true? I was happy that in spite of the Novella tag it seemed to be a regular length book.

An Offering: The Tale of Therese – Allison Pittman ….  this was a short, but good, story about a little girl and how life changed for her.

I have a string of unfinished books this time too, so they haven’t all been great, which only makes me appreciate the good ones even more 🙂

There are a lot of good books out there and I hope you are discovering them.

Until next time, Happy Reading!

 

 

 

 

 

Those of us who don’t believe in divorce…..should.

I think, those of us who don’t believe in divorce should believe…. there is no accountability or consequence without the possibility of divorce.

It seems to me, in this world of no divorce, we live in a bubble outside of reality.  Our lives have to look perfect to prove we are real. We have to live behind masks to prove we are not phonies. Appearances matter and we become experts at keeping them up.

The truth of the matter is; not one of us is as perfect as our image leads others to believe.

We need to allow ourselves, and each other, to come out from behind our masks and let truth be known. It is possible to love God desperately but stumble and fall, get sick, go bankrupt, or have unruly kids. It is also possible to give the appearance of loving God, with a put together life, while not loving Him at all.

I think, we end up behind a mask because we are afraid of what people will think, we are afraid of being judged and ostracized, we put unfair pressure on ourselves and each other.

Sometimes our masks cover destructive behaviours;  some that affect our families, some that happen to our families. While all of us are good at keeping secrets, some of us keep secrets that would have us sent to jail in the real world. The wearing, and the acceptance, of masks makes it possible for this behaviour to continue unchecked.

Consequences may or may not cause the offender to change their behaviour but it would be worth a try.

I think God is sad when He sees divorce for frivolous reasons, but His heart is broken when He see abuse.

 

Married & Alone: a review, and a story

Last week the book review was for Intimacy Anorexic, this week it is for Married & Alone, the companion book by Doug Weiss PhD. The truth of these books will turn your world upside down, as new understanding dawns.

Several posts ago, in regard to my life’s journey, I mentioned that although great strides had been made, there were still areas in my life needing answers. Many decades into the process, sadly, the end was not yet here.

No matter the number of contacts made, books read, or the time invested in understanding dynamics, things were still unclear for me.

One possible reason for his lack of interest in me; could he be gay? I entertained this possibility more than once through the years but was never convinced it could be true. Too many indicators to prove otherwise.

I knew he had thick, high walls of protection I’d never been allowed behind. He had  a passive way of deflecting so the walls were not a blatant issue. He had a passive/dismissive way about most things, which meant it was hard to grasp hold of what was really going on. It was hard to get an exploratory discussion going because it was like smoke and mirrors, it isn’t solid so how can it be discussed.

I knew for sure there was no connection between us, living with him was beyond lonely.

Occasionally, other questions cropped up. Like, why is there a sense of competition between us, why would he feel threatened by me, even though I make sure to stay away from those areas he claims as his.

Or, why would he throw me under the bus, in front of other people, wasn’t he supposed to be my protector? If he loved me, wouldn’t he stand up for me?

I was frustrated because we were pretending to have this perfect happy marriage.

I was frustrated because of the deep inexplicable pain no one, including me, seemed to understand.

Eventually, I heard about this book, Married & Alone, and I thought, THAT’S ME.

I wish I had read it when I first heard about it but things sometimes happen only when the time is right. Reading the book now has filled in the blanks and answered  the questions.

Here are some of the treasures found in this book:

  • Clear definitions of  the Intimacy Anorexic and the effect on the spouse of such a person.

It is validating to know I’m not crazy, it isn’t my imagination, it isn’t my fault, and, I couldn’t fix any of it – no matter how hard I would try.

  • Clear descriptions of what the recovery process should look like, and what it looks like if it isn’t happening.

Believe actions, not words. Know the signs to show actions are happening.

  • Clear information regarding credentials and qualifications of professional help, and questions to ask in determining your needs.

I’ve never seen this information laid out as clearly and concisely. This section alone makes the book worthwhile.

  • Clearly shows the path from discovery point to the end question,  what now – stay or leave?

Rather than offer opinions or directions, Dr. Weiss offers questions to ask and truths to consider. His purpose is to help guide us through the murky and confusing world that is our life, helping us come to a place of understanding. With understanding, we have the tools to make a decision about the right course of action for our unique situation.

For me; it was wonderful to get to the end of the book and realize that, with God’s help, I had done everything Dr. Weiss laid out as steps toward healing. I had no previous idea about any of this but earnestly prayed for wisdom and direction, then when things occurred to me, and seemed logical, I did them.  Therapists, books, and knowledge, may not always be available to you, even then, help is still available from the One who never leaves us or forsakes us, the One who can teach us, and guide us to all the help we need.

I now have a clear picture of what was going on, I know everything that could be done has been done. There is a feeling of closure as this part of my healing journey is finally complete.

I hope you will read both books, the understanding gained will change your life and the lives of those around you.

The take away in regard to recovery: no more secrets; and each one must be willing to do the hard work.

These, and other helpful books, can be found at dougweiss.com or on Amazon

There is also a dedicated site   intimacyanorexia.com


There will be more posts in regard to this subject, I feel sure. The last step in the twelve step program charges us with the responsibility of helping others reach this place in the journey. Everyone needs someone to come alongside. We don’t journey alone, we are in this together.

 

 

 

 

 

Intimacy Anorexia: a review

Intimacy Anorexia: Healing the Hidden Addiction in Your Marriage by Douglas Weiss PHD.

Up until recently I knew of this book only by quotes I’d read. They were helpful but for some reason I never did read the whole book. Now I am wishing I had, much sooner.   Questions that have plagued me for years, and questions I hadn’t thought to ask, have been answered. At the start of the book I had questions in mind about one relationship, at the end, there were answers about 4 or 5 relationships.

Pondering  my new discoveries, I realize; this is not a new dilemma in families and relationships. This is an ancient generational issue.

In the introduction, Dr. Weiss mentions how he and his colleagues began to notice, in their practices of treating sex addicts, a type of client they couldn’t clinically explain.

This person, usually but not always, a male, was addicted to sex but was not having sex with his spouse.

Eventually, Dr. Weiss and his colleagues realized this practise had more to do with avoiding intimacy than it had to do with avoiding sex.

In case you think this is something that couldn’t be affecting you, Dr. Weiss mentions 25% and higher, as the number of people living with this.

You might be wondering, too, how this situation could fit so many relationships in my life. It turns out, avoidance of emotional intimacy affects not just the spouse but the whole family, in varying degrees.

Most statistics are based on information gathered. Many of us keep the family secrets,  what would stats be like if we didn’t?

In this book, the author will give a definition, characteristics, causes, patterns and strategies, and much more. This information will be helpful to both the addict and the spouse. There is also a companion workbook with exercises and a twelve step program to help with recovery.

If you read the book and need more help than it provides, they have phone in counselling sessions that can arranged. They also have three day, intensives, on site at their counselling center.

As Dr. Weiss says, their goal is to promote healing of this unique addiction process that is devastating so many marriages.

This book, and many of his other books, can be found on Amazon.com  Amazon.ca and probably other Amazon sites as well.

Books can also be ordered directly from his website  drdougweiss.com

A companion book to Intimacy Anorexia is Married and Alone and focuses on the spouseI hope to read it soon and post another review.

If any of this strikes a chord in your heart and mind, I hope you will pursue this information more quickly than I have.

Also, if anyone wants to talk about this, the best place is probably on my Facebook page Janette McCormack-Blogger. Either a comment or a message. Keep in mind though, it is a public site.

May you find needed healing, and blessings, in these resources.