How to Set Healthy Boundaries — Dr. Eric Perry

Written by Dr. Eric Perry “I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Gavin de Becker 1. Identify current boundary crossers The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying who it is that is the boundary crosser. How does this person make you feel? Most likely, telling this person how you […]

How to Set Healthy Boundaries — Dr. Eric Perry

Read and enjoyed November 24, 2021

This book from yesterday met my expectations. This is an author I’ve enjoyed before.

One of the things I appreciate most in a story is: it doesn’t sound a bit like any of the others I’ve read.

This book almost accomplished it. There were a few spots with a familiar feel but that would be explained by the earlier books in the series. Same town, same people, mostly, with the focus on a different couple.

A reviewer commented the other day on an author he enjoyed but stopped reading because of the sameness in her work. I agree with him; different is better.

This was my favorite book so far this week.

Hangin’ by a Moment (Deep Haven Collection Book 5) 

He just wants to erase his past.

The day Jack—formerly Winston Stewart—walked out of jail, he vowed to keep his conviction a secret. After all, it wasn’t like he’d committed a murder. Just a terrible mistake, and he did his time. Now he wants a new life in a sleepy town where no one knows his name. Deep Haven is the perfect place to start over as a chef. The last thing the former pararescue jumper wants is to get involved. But when Boone Buckam—his friend and the one guy he owes for getting him out of the slammer—asks for help, how can Jack refuse?

She can’t seem to escape hers.

Colleen Decker has already escaped evil once—as a teenager, she was kidnapped by a murderer. But she’s put all that behind her as a trauma nurse in Minneapolis. Or maybe not, because a freak mistake in the ER sends her past crashing down on her. She needs a timeout in her hometown of Deep Haven. She doesn’t plan to stay—even when she’s roped into the job of flight nurse for the town’s Crisis Response Team chopper. Colleen’s not sure why she’s drawn to danger, but she’ll be safe enough. After all, she’ll need training, and her teacher is a handsome former pararescue jumper. What could go wrong?

But facing the past might put their future together in jeopardy.

When Jack said he didn’t want to get involved, he especially meant his heart—but being with Colleen feels like a fresh start. He’ll even climb aboard a chopper again, despite his vows. They’re headed for a happy ending… But secrets never stay buried in a small town. And when disaster strikes one snowy night, they’ll both have to decide if the past will destroy them…or if it just might lead them home.

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This is my current read, second attempt. I haven’t made it very far yet. Might be skipping to the end?

Running With The Wind: A tale of courage, love and survival aboard the Mayflower

(The Mayflower Collection Book 1) 

Jedediah Trelawney has a secret. Revealing it could cost him his life.

Jedediah Trelawney joins a small, overcrowded ship bound for America. A young man from a privileged background, he struggles to adapt to life at sea. Determined to earn the respect of his fellow passengers, he undertakes arduous tasks alongside the crew, but Jed is not cut out for the life of a sailor.

Sickness is rife aboard the Mayflower. Inspired by Samuel Fuller, a self-taught physician, Jed develops a fascination with the healing arts. He thrives as Doctor Fuller’s apprentice and challenges traditional ideas, seeking kinder methods for treating the sick.

Smitten by Desire Minter, Jed dreams of a future as a respected colony physician with Desire as his wife. Hostile passenger, John Billington, has other ideas. When Billington threatens to reveal Jed’s past, Jed becomes the victim of bullying and bribery. Somehow, Jed must silence Billington for good, or risk losing everything — including his life.

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Check these out, to see if you like them better than I do.

Happy Reading

Bargain book November 23, 2021

This book looks interesting. It’s a suggestion from BookBub this morning.

Hangin’ by a Moment (Deep Haven Collection Book 5) 

He just wants to erase his past.

The day Jack—formerly Winston Stewart—walked out of jail, he vowed to keep his conviction a secret. After all, it wasn’t like he’d committed a murder. Just a terrible mistake, and he did his time. Now he wants a new life in a sleepy town where no one knows his name. Deep Haven is the perfect place to start over as a chef. The last thing the former pararescue jumper wants is to get involved. But when Boone Buckam—his friend and the one guy he owes for getting him out of the slammer—asks for help, how can Jack refuse?

She can’t seem to escape hers.

Colleen Decker has already escaped evil once—as a teenager, she was kidnapped by a murderer. But she’s put all that behind her as a trauma nurse in Minneapolis. Or maybe not, because a freak mistake in the ER sends her past crashing down on her. She needs a timeout in her hometown of Deep Haven. She doesn’t plan to stay—even when she’s roped into the job of flight nurse for the town’s Crisis Response Team chopper. Colleen’s not sure why she’s drawn to danger, but she’ll be safe enough. After all, she’ll need training, and her teacher is a handsome former pararescue jumper. What could go wrong?

But facing the past might put their future together in jeopardy.

When Jack said he didn’t want to get involved, he especially meant his heart—but being with Colleen feels like a fresh start. He’ll even climb aboard a chopper again, despite his vows. They’re headed for a happy ending… But secrets never stay buried in a small town. And when disaster strikes one snowy night, they’ll both have to decide if the past will destroy them…or if it just might lead them home.

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If anything else shows up I’ll share it later.

I have enjoyed this author, I hope you do too.

Happy Reading!

Bargain books Part two November 22, 2021

One more quick post. Another email showed up with several good looking suggestions. This one is from 1531 Entertainment.

Cowboys & Protective Ways: Western Romance (Baker Brothers of Copper Creek Book 1)

A waitress hiding from drug-dealers. The cowboy who vows to protect her. What could go wrong?

Ian Baker fell in love with Jessica the first time he saw her waitressing at the town diner. But he’s a true cowboy and won’t make a move since she’s spoken for. Even if it is by a drug-dealing, weasel of a boyfriend.

Life hasn’t been easy for Jessica who grew up poor in the beautiful town of Copper Creek. Her low self-esteem has her feeling lucky that she has a job, and a boyfriend, regardless of how bad he is.

Then one day, Ian’s diner visit becomes much more than apple pie and coffee. While he’s there, Jessica witnesses a serious incident between her boyfriend and his thug friends. Now she’s in danger. That’s when Ian makes a crazy split-second decision to swoop her up and take her to his ranch. 

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Run: Christian mystery and romantic suspense

From corporate America to overseas intrigue, from small towns to Urban sprawl, from farms to raging rivers these romantic suspenses will keep you on the edge of your seat, breathless, far into the night.

Nine gripping stories full of faith, danger, and a dash of romance.

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This collection won’t be a short read, it has 1700 pages. Awesome.

I hope you checked out the videos in my last post. The second one with snow capped rugged mountains was spectacular. It was a helicopter training run for an Australian visitor, practicing landings on snow covered peaks.

Up close and personal with 5 or 6 mountain peaks.

The first video is spectacular too, in a different sort of way, with flooded farmland and overflowing rivers.

Happy Reading y’all

An aerial view of the flooding in my home town

The area is south western British Columbia, Canada. They had unprecedented rainfall last week and the damage is crazy. The number of people stranded is staggering too.

I thoroughly enjoyed the helicopter ride. Maybe you will too. The first town is Abbotsford, I’ve lived there twice. East of the flooding is Chilliwack. I was born and raised there. Further east is a small town of Hope. It is the junction town between three highways. One travels east and two travel north. I’ve spent many hours driving all of them. I love the mountains. That’s what I miss the most where I live now. On the prairies of southern Manitoba province. Flat, flat, flat.

I’m happy to be living anywhere. And I have family here. I do love seeing home though, I have to say.

There is a second video of other parts of BC, I haven’t watched it yet but if it’s as good as the first one it will be well worth the watch.

Enjoy.

They will travel where there is snow on the mountains. It will be beautiful.

I hope you love this a much as I do.

Free and bargain books November 22, 2021

LPC Books has suggestions for us today. I’ve read three of these five books and all of these authors.

The Red Canary

Music sparks her world, but can love ignite her heart?

In 1928, soot from the local mills and music from speakeasies linger in the Pittsburgh air. When the manager of The Kelly Club is found dead, nightclub singer Vera Pembroke is thrust into peril. As the only witness to the crime, she’s sentenced to hide away in the Allegheny Forest with a stuffy police sergeant as her guardian.

Sergeant Mick Dinelo harbors a burning hatred for Pittsburgh’s underworld after the devastation it left on his life—and heart. He should be out exposing culpable gangsters rather than tending to the impetuous woman who defies his every effort to keep her safe.

Mick and Vera must set aside their differences to solve the murder that someone wants to keep buried beneath the soot of Steel City.

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The Caretaker’s Son (Secrets in Savannah Book 1)

Just as Annabelle begins letting Symon into her heart she discovers a secret about his life in New York.

Symon Sinclair grew up in the caretaker’s cottage. Now a successful writer in New York, he’s returned home to Savannah to thank his mentor, Miss B, for all her support. But it’s her niece Annabelle who greets him at the door. Symon remembers the little rich girl who never gave him a moment’s notice. Now she’s a beauty who has more depth than he’d ever imagined. As they spend time together, Symon begins to question his attitude toward life—and Annabelle.

Former beauty queen Annabelle Yarwood had her life all planned out—until she came face-to-face with the caretaker’s son. Suddenly those plans seem stifling. Just as Annabelle begins letting Symon into her heart, she discovers he’s been keeping a secret about his life in New York. Has their love story ended before it’s even begun?

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Bargain books

Coming of Winter, Dead of Winter, Winter’s Fury ( Jeremy Winter Thriller Books 1 – 3)

It’s a good book day after a time of drought.

Currently, I’ve just started reading a new historical novel and I’m not far enough in to know if I will love it. So far so good though, it could go either way.

Redeeming Light (Coastal Lights Legacy Book 3) 

Cora Miller, a recent widow, moves to St. Augustine in 1875 with her young daughter Emily to start life over as a single mother. She opens a fine millinery shop to court the tastes of the wealthy and become part of the town’s social elite.

Daniel Worthington has escorted his mother and sister to St. Augustine. Their trip has coincided with the arrival of Plains Indians being brought to Fort Marion as prisoners. He is sympathetic to the plight of the Indians and seeks to help them learn to communicate through art. 

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This book is still a bargain too if you are interested.

Happy Reading!

Notes on Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt Nov 21, 2021

Last time we ended just before the topic… Changing the channel on our invasive words and thoughts.

Page 92:

There are a number of components and I will highlight a few that stand out to me. There is so much more to be said, reading the book would be helpful.

...how you can start: Change what you tell yourself. … Talk back to your inner critic.

The most important battles we fight, many times, happen internally.

The past can be healed in only one way: Forgive it. That is the one thing you can do for yourself that can change all of your tomorrows.

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Page 93 – 96

I’m going to deviate from the book here. The author is dealing with shame in this section and uses the example of the Prodigal Son in the Bible. He tells how the father, with love, received his son back home. Despite his “bad boy” lifestyle, wasting his inheritance, and returning home in disgrace.

The father is a picture of the way God loves us and receives us no matter what we’ve done or what has been done to us.

I’m deviating from the book, though, because I think it’s important for us to understand the difference between shame and guilt. The information I’m about to share I’ve seen expressed in many places over the years, but for today’s purpose I found it laid out on verywellmind.com under living with BPD.

I’m paraphrasing here for space sake.

Guilt is the feeling you have related to things you have done. With guilt you can take steps to make things right and move on.

Shame is the feeling you have related to you are, or who you’ve been led to believe you are, your whole self not just an event. Shame it is not as easily dealt with because there is nothing you can do to make restitution. It’s about who you are, not something you’ve done.

There is an excellent ten minute podcast on their website discussing the shame we have been hiding and the link is posted below.

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-verywell-mind-podcast-5113058

The important take away from the podcast was this: there are two things shame cannot survive. One is exposure, tell someone. The second is empathy, tell someone who understands and is supportive.

It’s very important to find the right person to confide your secrets.

If shame is an issue for you, and it is for those of us who have survived an abusive life, this is highly helpful information.

So, back to the book. Check it out for the larger conversation.

I’m not sure what’s next but we will find out.

Notes on Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt Nov 20, 2021

Continuing on from where we left off last time. A few more relevant quotes.

Self condemnation: page 84

When we let lies overrule love, it affects those around us. We tend to take out our frustrations, lack of self-worth, shame or guilt on those we love. We cannot possibly love like we’ve never been hurt if we do not love ourselves.

another very important quote, same page:

If you struggle with shame, you may have trouble extending grace to others. If you struggle with finding self-worth, you may find it difficult to trust those around you.

Page 88:

We wear all sorts of things that keep us in bondage. Shame. Condemnation. Brokenness. Fear. Anxiety. Anger. Unforgiveness.

We are living in a mental cage. Page 89

Imprisoned with painful memories, with failures from the past, with self-sabotaging thoughts, with fear of an uncertain future.

Page 90:

When you start believing the lies about who you are, you begin to destroy your destiny.

How to change the channel?

That will be tomorrow’s topic.

These quotes are not the whole story, we need to read the book to see the full picture.

Well, I’m reading the book. I’m sure you will find it helpful too.

Bargain books November 19, 2021

Two suggestions today, from BookBub and 1531 Entertainment.

The first one is mystery and the second historical romance.

Collision of Lies 

Three years ago, a collision between a fast-moving freight train and a school bus full of kids led to devastation and grief on an unimaginable scale. But a fresh clue leads San Antonio police detective Amara Alvarez to the unlikely conclusion that one of the children may still be alive. If she’s correct, everything law enforcement believes about the accident is a lie.

With time running out, Amara must convince others–and herself–that despite all evidence to the contrary, the boy lives. And she will do everything in her power to bring him home.

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To Discover Her Heart’s Longing: A Historical Western Romance Book 

Amy Richardson never imagined that staying at the orphanage she called home would put her at such risk. When she realizes that someone from her past isn’t ready to let her go, her future suddenly becomes uncertain. Forced to flee west in hopes of starting over, little does she know that things are about to get even more complicated. Arriving in a new town to meet her husband-to-be, she is shocked to find that he has no idea of her existence…

Will Amy ever find the safety she longs for in this new place?

After his father’s death, Peter McKelvey never intended to get married. So when his mother shows up with Amy as a mail-order bride arranged on his behalf, he is stunned. Seeing Amy’s dismay at his reaction though, he can’t bring himself to turn her away and hires her as a cook on his ranch. Yet as he begins to realize that she could be in very real danger, keeping his distance from Amy may not be possible if he wants to keep her safe…

Will Peter allow himself to care for Amy and even open up his heart to love?

With an unexpected bond between Peter and Amy growing, so do the challenges that face them. As they try to deal with the threats coming their way, Amy is still keeping secrets… Will Peter and Amy manage to trust each other and their budding feelings? Or will they lose everything to ghosts from the past?

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It has been a bit of a mixed up day. In many ways upsetting.

It seems like difficult situations stir things up in a way that we are forced to see elements of our life in a new light.

It’s easy to think I’ve made a lot of progress in my abusive healing journey and it’s a major shock when unexpected triggers happen.

I don’t pretend to be rational when that happens. I know I am a pro at knee jerk reactions.

It’s hard to know for sure what is reflex and what is me standing up for myself.

The trouble is it’s likely some of both.

The beauty of living alone in isolation is the absence of triggers. Social situations are a minefield especially when the interaction is between badly wounded souls. We understand better than most but we also trigger each other.

The desire to walk away is very real.

I’m sure you can guess my choice.

Now I’m thinking through the event trying to see how I can learn from it and do better in the future.

I would say other than that it’s been a good day but I can’t. It hasn’t been the worst day of my life but…

I’m gonna go finish my book. Drown my sorrows.

It’s the weekend, that’s encouraging.

Notes on Love Like You’ve Never Been Hurt Nov 18, 2021

This experience, reading through this book, has been beneficial.

Right off the hop, we have the first quote and there’s no disputing the truth of it.

Page 71: Forgiveness holds the key to freedom, to healing, to wholeness.

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Page 75: – Forgiveness does not mean you forget what happened.

Page 76: – Forgiveness does not release the offender from consequences.

Page 77: – Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation.

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Page 79: Forgiveness is a decision. Choose to forgive.

Practical steps to allow forgiveness to happen.

Open your heart. Extend compassion. But most importantly…

Release the person from the prison you put them in inside your heart.

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The final quote is a useful admonition. Bottom of Page 79

Do not run away from forgiveness. Run to forgiveness. It is a great friend. If you choose to forgive, your heart will heal.

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I’ve noticed several common qualities in those of us struggling to forgive.

We build protective walls. Massive protective walls.

We are imprisoned with our words. (I will never, I can’t…)

We imprison our offenders in our hearts. As long as they dwell locked up inside of us we can never forgive.

Letting them out of our prison doesn’t do anything to free them but it surely does something to free us.

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Enjoy the book.

Grasp and enjoy freedom.