This and that October 16, 2021

Zoom calls are the best. Any video call actually.

This is another one of those days where I need to just hang out awhile to make this post happen. New book suggestions have been non-existent today and there’s definitely been a shortage of enjoyed books read. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Despite that there have been bright spots though.

The sun was shining all day, that was appreciated after all the rain we’ve had lately. We are happy for the moisture as it is a good ending to a dry growing season. It will be helpful next year, to start the new season off with moisture sitting in the ground all winter.

A Colorado Low storm was predicted to come through last week, it often brings snow with it. Several winters ago, it dumped a huge pile, leaving us with no power for over a week in some places. Trees were brought down in very large numbers.

We were spared an early snow fall this year.

Another bright spot today was time spent, late morning/early afternoon, chatting with a fellow blogger. It’s a gift when such conversations line up just right for them to even happen.

From there I went outside to wash some windows, the ones I notice the most often, on sunny days. The water in our area leaves a white film on everything and it’s wonderful to have it gone. The day was perfect too, the direct sunshine made working outside on a cool day comfortable. Much longer and I would have had to take off my jacket.

I love the feeling of a job well done. Another chore no longer on the to-do list.

After a quick supper we were treated to the highlight of the day. Our monthly family Zoom call. I love seeing my kids and catching up on their lives.

*********************

Now it’s time to relax with a book. I’ve just started a collection mentioned yesterday. I haven’t read far enough to know if it can carry the momentum of a strong start but hopefully. So far, I’m loving the first book.

Save the Date: A Limited-Time Christian Romance Collection

As our guest of honor, you’re cordially invited on a journey through twelve heartwarming and inspirational novellas that will take you from small-town America to romantic Paris, from the sunny shores of Hawaii to New Zealand. Office romances, friends-to-lovers, second chances, and more await you in these stories full of forgiveness, redemption, laughter, and love. Say “I do” and claim your copy of this limited-time anthology by your favorite USA Today and bestselling Christian romance authors!

January Hope by Kari Trumbo – Clothing historian Cleo goes on the hunt for an 1880s fashion magazine wedding dress. Discovering it’s part of a museum collection, her biggest obstacle is handsome curator Lowel. Unfortunately, his no-touch policy just might put a stop to her hunt and her heart.

***************************

Until tomorrow,

Happy Reading!

PTSD conversation October 15, 2021

This is sort of a this-and-that conversation, stemming from earlier comments with another blogger on his site. My response was going to be long so a post with more room seemed like the way go. Besides, I’ve been wanting to explore some of these thoughts on here anyway.

In his comment section we were talking about triggers, mood swings, living with integrity and how to calm things down. He says:

I am honest, make pretty good choices

How does integrity work with ptsd?

I agree

“I’m working on trying to change this. Consciously recognizing the times where I’ve taken insult and accepted rejection where none was meant. Baby steps, but it is making a positive difference.”

Ptsd is still raging from intrusive thoughts and trigger and spotting danger.

*********************************

For me; living with integrity (honorable, honest, dependable etc) adds up to good mental health – positive mental attitude. Living this way fosters a lack of shame, guilt, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, fear (fear we will be caught doing something wrong.).

There are other reasons (like the past) we can have these negative experiences but if we do life with integrity the negative emotion load will be reduced significantly. It’s hard to be fair and kind without feeling good about my everyday life and my interactions with people.

Feeling good about life and people has a calming influence on my triggers.

It’s easy for me to mistakenly think I’m doing well in this area if I’m not paying attention. Bouts of anger, impatience, road rage, and any other similar emotions can crop up as I do life. I have to deal with them, let them go and move on to preserve peace.

Aside from the integrity aspect, I’ve worked hard to keep bitterness, anger, and other such related emotions out of my everyday life. Forgiveness is important to my well being.

Most of these negative emotions are relative to the past rather than the present. I’ve forgiven my dad and I can talk about him now without tears or anger. Not so much with several others, tears still flow easily but that is a work in progress.

Another thing that helps me considerably is thinking through what just happened; once the emotions are settled down. Examining memories to identify the original event behind the trigger and facing what happened has helped take the punch out of the trigger.

It doesn’t sound like it should work but it does. A disclaimer though: I don’t know what you have been through so be careful with this one. Some memories should not be explored alone.

For me, an example of a memory to be explored would be the bathroom. For decades I wouldn’t/couldn’t go into a washroom, public or otherwise, if I had to do so within sight of men. It took a few more decades for me to realize the reason; as a child, bad things happened to me in bathrooms. I could have figured it out sooner if I had been willing to think about the why. It is what it is, leave it alone, was my attitude.

All of these things, and probably more, have been helpful but the one thing I use on a day to day basis is change-the-channel. It was validating when I heard they were doing this successfully with soldiers. They found that early interruption of debilitating thoughts brought an early end to the episode. They were using computer games to be the distraction.

For a good while there, my whole day was destroyed if I was triggered. It was frustrating. Especially when I was supposed to be working.

By accident I learned that if I went to an activity requiring my whole mind, the channel would change in my head and my thoughts would move on to a better place. Later I may think about whatever triggered me but the adrenaline reaction was no longer there.

I read books, play computer games, follow podcasts and vlogs, write this blog. Some days these things are literally my sanity. I run to them before I dig myself into a deep hole.

I don’t know if this makes sense or is even helpful but this is how I maintain my sanity and avoid major triggers. This is not the final word on the subject either. It is much too complex for that and I’m no expert.

Now I just have to figure out how to avoid the minor triggers.

I don’t think I will live long enough to deal with it all. 🙂

Photo by Tomas Ryant on Pexels.com

A parting thought: there are many self centered hurting people who do not lead a life of integrity. They would be happier if they did. If you lead a life of integrity you can check this box off the list. I have.

The kernel of a thought October 12, 2021

Just start talking. That’s what I have to do tonight. Once again I do not have a post in mind.

I’m going to keep it short because I need sleep to be able to function tomorrow. I know if I don’t use restraint this could easily end up being really long, leaving me with a very short night.

This whole subject has been on my mind for a long time but it’s complex and not necessarily easily understood, especially when spoken about briefly. I think it would take a book for me to say everything I need to say on this subject.

I don’t even know how to begin and it’s already been a half hour. I think slow, trying to get it right enough to make sense, and I write even slower.

I’ll try to express the kernel of it in a sentence or two and expand on it another time. Or even more likely, it will take many times to get it all out.

I love God deeply, and at the same time I feel loved by him. We have loved each other for a very long time.

It’s killing me not to expand on this but I know I have to go.

In the meantime…

I love looking at the mountains, they remind me – our help comes from the creator, of heaven and earth. And what a creator he is.

Photo by S Migaj on Pexels.com

Until tomorrow.

This and that October 11, 2021

This turned out better than I thought it would.

I’m writing to satisfy the need for a blog post, not because I feel like it or have anything appropriate to say at this moment. There are many things on my mind, all of them too heavy to be talked about today. If they are still there in a few days, we’ll see if they are still worth exploring further.

Today is a pretty day, filled with blue skies and sunshine streaming in the windows. It’s cooler outside than it has been so I won’t go out but the sunshine still cheers me even without touching my skin.

It is also a recovery day for this introvert. Recharging my emotional batteries after a wonderful day spent with family yesterday. The pretty day is a huge part of that recovery. The silence is healing too.

I usually check and listen to a fair number of followed podcasts each day but not today. I’ve looked through the notifications and watched a few but for the most part nothing really all that new is being talked about so it a perfect time to take a media break.

I did check the usual book suggestion emails as well but abandoned that when finding nothing interesting enough to mention. I thought about browsing for book ideas but…

Maybe tomorrow.

It is Thanksgiving weekend and I’m still grateful for the many blessings in my life. The biggest blessing today is the chance to get to know two of my grandsons in a way I’ve never had before, not with them living continents away from us. They seem to be glad for the chance to get to know me/us as well and that makes it even better.

Already my thoughts are turning to Christmas. It’s never too early to get started on shopping. With five teenage boys to think about this year I’ve enlisted the help of my daughter. I have to take advantage of every available resource to find likeable gifts. Lucky for me, she is into early shopping, and she knows what teenage boys are happy to wear these days.

While I’m recharging my emotional batteries I’m entertaining myself with reading, in between bouts of computer games.

My current read is a Regency Romance. To say the main character is prickly would be an understatement, but she is out of sorts with good reason. I’m 1/4 of the way through and enjoying the experience so far.

Dalton’s Challenge: A Regency Romance (The Harcourts Book 2) 

Having spent half her life in her younger brother’s shadow, Miss Winifred Thirley has tried so hard to be perfect in order to win back her parents’ love. Unfortunately for Winnie, her attempts at perfection have practically turned her to stone. Is it so wrong for Winnie to value responsibility, decorum, and a serious approach to life? According to the foolish and carefree Mr. Harcourt, it is.

In a cruel twist of fate, Winnie’s family is invited to spend the summer at Attwood Manor—Mr. Harcourt’s home. How will Winnie survive an entire summer living under the same roof as the gentleman she’s sworn to hate forever?

Mr. Dalton Harcourt will become a baron one day. Until then, he plans on having fun and living life to the fullest. That’s easier said than done when Miss Thirley glares daggers at him every time they cross paths. She’s hated him for the past two years after a very brief and disastrous courtship. 

At least Dalton doesn’t have to deal with her outside of London…until his mother invites the Thirley family to spend the summer with them in the country.

Will Winnie be able to forgive and see a brighter side to life in the process?

Can Dalton overcome his fears in order to face life’s challenges head on?

***********************************

Happy Reading on this beautiful day!

Happy Thanksgiving to all our Canadian friends.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

Tomorrow is technically Thanksgiving Day in Canada but today was the day that worked best for our family gathering.

We have so much to be thankful for. Most of all for the safe arrival of two family members who recently had to travel a great distance to be with us.

We are all presently healthy, happy, and well cared for.

The fellowship around the table was sweet, hilarious at times, and the turkey dinner was delicious.

*****************************

That’s about it for this post. Nothing to share for new books. The current historical read that I predicted wouldn’t be boring, kind of is. I was expecting story but it’s more like a history course. I’m skimming through it.

I like learning lots from a well crafted story but I’m not much for pages filled with facts, figures, and the names of many players who may or may not appear in the story itself. Personal preference, what can I say.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

In the meantime… Happy Reading!

I wonder… October 08, 2021

Have you ever wondered?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the craziness of the power struggle that seems to be going on in the world right now.

For my whole life (and you all know that’s been many decades long) I’ve heard loud voices talking about a power hungry leader that would rise up wanting to take over the whole world and rule it with a single government. Those loud voices also predicted terrible things were going to happen to everyone the new ruler viewed as enemies.

I’m not saying whether I do or don’t believe in that prediction, although the way things are happening right now, you have to wonder.

Tonight a thought occurred to me, one that has never entered my mind until now.

Are we supposed to stand and fight or just let it happen?

I don’t think I’ve ever heard it said in so many words but it seems to have been assumed to be inevitable. The world would be taken over and destruction would happen. We would mostly be killed and if not we would have to wait for a “prince” to ride in on a beautiful stallion, carrying a mighty sword to slay the wicked ruler and rescue us.

We’ve always assumed that but…

I was thinking about another proclamation I’ve heard all my life, also spoken by many voices. We were supposed to “grid up our loins” put on “our armor” and fight against the “rulers of the air.”

How does that fit with accepting the inevitable?

I’m not an academic. I haven’t studied all of these ideas and how they all fit together.

I’m just wondering; are we supposed to sit and wait to be rescued or are we supposed to stand up and do what we can to make a difference?

For a few weeks I’ve been wondering if things are happening like they are to push us out of our lethargy.

Maybe we are supposed to stand up and grow a spine?

As kids we used to sing “God’s got an army marching through the land…” Who are they? Where are they?

Maybe we’ve assumed wrongly?

Maybe we are supposed to join the “army?”

Just wondering.

********************************

My “twin” brothers. You can see where my grandsons get their height.

My heroes. To me they look like they would each be saying “don’t mess with my sister.”

This and that, on the lighter side October 06, 2021

What to talk about, anyway? It looks like this will have to be a just-start-talking post since I have nothing in my head that I want to talk about and I do want to keep my daily post commitment. It needs to be on the lighter side though, to make up for the heavy duty posts of the last three days.

Maybe the weather seems like a good choice to start off with.

I feel sorry for my co-workers in northern British Columbia. It’s currently 1 C up there and they had their first snowfall of the season yesterday. That’s way too early. They weren’t all that happy with me when I shared it was 27 C here in southern Manitoba (I work remotely and mostly I’m grateful for that). It’s just as warm here again today. They were talking about us breaking records yesterday but I forgot to listen to see if it happened. I imagine there could have been snowfall records broken up there too.

I couldn’t tease my co-worker today about suffering in the cold as they were out of the office travelling, yesterday and today. They had to go to southern Alberta to a doggy dentist, that’s a ten hour drive. It will be interesting to hear what the roads were like.

It’s crazy how no two years ever seem to be alike when it comes to weather.

With it being such a nice day here today, I was out in the yard for a while trying to take care of weeds. It was impossible to accomplish though as there are piles of leaves everywhere covering things up. There are many trees in my backyard and a giant one next door, a prolific leaf producer.

Last year I raked and managed to keep ahead of them but this year I’m not even going to try. The lawn guys will clean up the leaves and cart them away for me. They do a much better job than I can do, anyway. When they are done the yard will be beautiful and I can easily tackle the last of the weed cleanup.

Working at my job so I can afford to pay for yard clean-up is a win-win situation for this old lady!

Today was not a good day for books. There were a few suggestions but I didn’t see anything I wanted to read.

******************************

I’m not thrilled with my current read so I’ll pick out an up-next book to finish up with.

When Chelsea starts working for a stubborn cowboy, what seems like a dead end might really be a new beginning. 

A horrific accident changed everything for Parker Wilson. The beautiful new employee his mom hires is the last thing he needs and he’ll do whatever it takes to make the girl quit and regain the peace and quiet he prefers.

Nothing short of desperation would force Chelsea Blake to work on a local cattle ranch. She may not be cut out for ranch life, but her determination to succeed is stronger than her handsome employer’s efforts at forcing her to leave. 

Unprepared to discover all they have in common, if they set aside their initial dislike, they might find joy beyond measure.

Happy Reading!

A little clarification October 05, 2021

A friend asked me for clarification on my Outing Myself post. I did consider the possibility in using the outing term that some minds would quickly go where her’s did. There are a few reasons why my friends minds would. Partly because of the most common usage for the term, but mostly because many of them know there are no men in my life and haven’t been for decades. I’m sure some people wonder.

If there were to be a romantic interest in my life it would be a man. Despite an abusive childhood and a not so great adulthood, it is still the choice I’d make.

On the other hand though, when thoughts of sharing my life with a man pass through my mind, the shadowy image that pops into my head is one I immediately run away from. I know, I know, there are good men out there somewhere. They are all taken. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Back to the original question. Aside from being “click bait” (made you look!) I felt like the term applied to my situation. I was hiding who I was, on my blog. On purpose. The decision to change that on the blog felt like a coming out. (everyone on Facebook already knew, no secret there)

Agree or disagree with my assessment, that’s how I felt.

I think secrets are like that. The longer we keep them the bigger they become in our minds. Going public with them, even if it’s only to one person, releases the power they have over us.

That’s why I felt relief. I’m an old lady, let the chips fall where they may.

Although, according to new information, with people living longer and all, I still have a few more years to refer to myself as middle-aged. Who’da thought! lol

Don’t tell anyone. I’m an over thinker. What can I say.

*******************

My current read. I loved the first book with Pepper Basham, I’m starting book 2 with Cara Putman

I am feeling relieved October 04, 2021

It’s true. And unexpected. I would have done it long ago if I’d known it would make this big a difference in my anxiety levels.

By now, many of you have read my coming out in the open post. It can be found here if you’ve not read it. Basically it’s purpose was to admit that I am much older than pretty much all of my readers. I don’t feel like I’m older but pictures don’t lie.

I don’t really know what people think about my admission as there’s not been enough reaction to give me any hints. I’m OK with that though. I’ll just keep on being me, as authentically as I can, and see what happens. If I manage to write some things people like to read maybe they will forget to care about age.

One thing I’ve long understood, it’s easier to be real if you don’t care what people think. On some levels I care more than is healthy, on other levels I care very little. That’s how I made it through high school. Marching to the beat of my own drum, not worried if I was the only one.

Anyway, I feel more relaxed now that my secret is out there.

This is especially good since I have been thinking about possible new directions this blog could take in the near future. I love finding good deals and blogging about books but it seems to be getting a little tired, sticking to the same theme almost exclusively. Not everyone has the appetite for books that I do and their to-be-read pile fills up very quickly leaving them with little reason to come back.

The This and That posts have been attracting the most attention, I’m finding.

We will see how the future looks depending on the direction inspiration takes it.

************************

In the meantime, there were book suggestions today but I rejected them all. Mostly because we’ve seen them before, but also because I didn’t love them all that much. I prefer telling you about great stories if I can.

I will mention the one just finished tonight.

It’s hard to know sometimes, when we see the promotional blurb, whether it will be a bona fide story or something sappy. This story was anything but sappy. It was well written, well developed, and held my interest – beginning to end. I loved this book.

Marrying Mandy (Brides of Clearwater Book 1) 

A marriage of convenience might be crazy…or an answer to both of their prayers.

Mandy Hudson swore she’d never marry. Abandoned by her parents and raised by her grandparents, she has a hard time trusting that real love will last. When her grandmother dies, Mandy is shocked to discover a stipulation in the will. Considering marriage to her best friend may be the only way to keep her family’s beloved bed-and-breakfast.

The loss of his job threatens Preston Yarrow’s shaky financial stability. Besides, he can’t watch his best friend give up the only real home she’s ever known. Frustrated by Mandy’s stubborn refusal to let him help, he’s certain they are stronger together than they are apart.

***************************

It’s still FREE if you are interested.

It will be exciting to see what is going to happen next. I feel like there is change coming but I have no idea what it will look like.

It will be a surprise.

In the meantime, keep reading.

Reading changes us, helps us grow.

Embrace it, learn to love it.

Read books that bring out the best in you and make you a better person.

That’s what I do and I like who I am becoming.

Join me in the march.

I’m outing myself.

The reason I haven’t done it sooner, preferring anonymity, is because I thought you wouldn’t like me anymore if you knew the truth.

At this point I don’t think it will be much of a surprise to anyone, as I’ve been leaving lots of hints. I’m sure you may have already guessed anyway.

I don’t know why, but age has never really meant a whole lot to me when it comes to relating to people. I’m attracted to who they are and what they are all about. Do we share common interests? Do we enjoy talking to each other?

Currently, the person I relate to best in the company I work for is the young thirty-and-a-bit gal on my team. We each have our part to play in the process we are responsible for and we support one other in whatever way is needed. We enjoy hanging out, especially if it involves ice cream.

You may suspect I am past retirement age and you would be right. I have no plans to quit anytime soon and some of my clients are counting on it. lol

I’m not taking a job away from a younger person. So far we haven’t found anyone who wants it, and I think it’s funny. It’s true, I might not want it either if I were new to it today. I’ve grown into the job as it’s changed hugely over the last nine years and it would be much a bigger challenge now, having to start from scratch.

On the other hand, challenges and learning new things keeps a person young.

Talking about young, there’s a meme out right now that makes me laugh, and it fits me perfectly.

It says: my mind thinks I’m 35. My body tells my mind it’s an idiot.

It’s easy to forget how old I am until I pass a mirror or try to attack the garden like I did a few years ago.

One thing is sure about getting old; it’s going to happen to everyone. I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to be the age I am, not everyone makes it this far.

I’m grateful I can still think like I’m 35 and some days I can even behave like it. Not everyone has the health to do it.

I’m grateful that I see people, not age. I love hanging out with the teenagers in my family, well not just my family, other people’s too. Not everyone does, but we won’t talk about them. I feel blessed.

I feel blessed by the smiles on our faces. We haven’t seen much of each other through the years, with their family living in China and all. These two are home now and we are going to have a good time.

These guys take after my brothers in the height department.

We took this picture at their father’s request. He wanted to see us together, missing us all.

It’s not easy letting your kids go.

We promise to do a better job of keeping them in the loop.

Josh, in the red shirt, likes to cook and he knows how to get great treats when he wants them. Zach, the tall one, is not used to baked goods as they are uncommon in China. Ingredients are not easy to find. This will be an adventure for him.

Not sure what he was thinking… probably, go way
By the looks of this it must have turned out OK